Like a Day Off

Fridays are For....

2012-01-27T09:58:00.000-07:00

.... Catching up on what you've missed out on and for pretending you don't have work to do since you have the weekend next. That's what I think, anyway.

Time for a quick "news-y" type blog post, since I haven't had one of those in a while. You'll forgive me for the "list-like" style, won't you? (And forgive the lack of pictures.... I was sick this week and didn't even feel like picking up my head, much less the camera.)

- Less than 10 weeks to go now! You can read about pregnancy here and about my recent thoughts on motherhood here.

- The nursery is painted and the crib, changing table, and dresser have all arrived and are assembled. Thanks to Husband's mom for the crib and changing table and his grandma for the dresser. Next - finish cleaning out the closet, start bringing up and organizing all the things people have already given us, and get our final piece of furniture from my parents, the rocking chair. Oh, and decorate some. I have some ideas - I'm hoping for simple and classy-cute.

- We're headed out of town this weekend for a mini-vacation. We're not going far, and decided to stay in a different area than we originally thought so we could afford to stay two nights instead of just one. I will still have to do a little school work, but we're going to try to just spend some really good quality time together for the next few days. The only problem right now is that it's currently snowing, so I hope the roads won't be bad.

- I've had a nasty cold this week. It went downhill on Tuesday afternoon and on Wednesday I stayed home. I love that my students all stated, "pregnant women should just not have to get sick. That's not fair." Feeling better, more human, less snot. Think I'm keeping it from turning into the cough stage, so that's good.

- Lots has been happening with my Grandpa. He's 96 and has been living in an independent-living retirement home for the last 9 years since my grandma died. (Well, he's lived in two different places in that time, but both independent-living, not assisted.) Two weeks ago he got bronchitis and it pretty much knocked the stuffing (and all the strength) right out of him, so he's been at my parents' house since then. He's doing much better, I think, but he has to move to assisted living for at least 4 - 6 weeks for some PT/OT. We'll re-evaluate whether or not he goes back to his place or moves to assisted living permanently later. In the meantime, my parents and sister have all gotten very little sleep AND caught the cold, too.

- Student Council stuff looms: a retreat in a couple of weeks that still needs to be planned, a major spirit week with events and a giant dance in a month, election things to be prepared so all the paperwork parts are done before maternity leave. And most importantly, trying to still build relationships and be in the moment with them NOW.

- We go to our first birth class on Monday. Husband was doing some reading and freaked himself out, apparently. He's scared for me and wants to know why I'm so calm. Umm. I'm an ostrich, duh. I'm ignoring it until I have to pay attention..... not really - but I know we're taking the class, getting the information, and that no matter how much preparation I do, it will still be an adventure like none I've had before.

- Sort of wishing all the rest of the stuff was done and it was 10 weeks from now and we were getting onto the next stage. But I'll keep working hard to enjoy life now, because I like my life, and I don't want to miss things.

Hoping your life has been full and blessed recently. Happy Friday!

T-Minus 10 Weeks

2012-01-23T10:44:00.000-07:00

Here's how I've been measuring time recently:

"Three weeks until the Student Council Retreat. Five weeks until Sadie's Week. Ten weeks until Baby." The next ten weeks are full, people. I mean FULL. I have a StuCo Retreat to plan and pull off (Feb 10-12), our school has a big Sadie's Week full of events and a huge dance (Feb 27-Mar 1), I need to get all the StuCo election stuff figured out in early March. There are a couple of baby showers to attend, birth class to go to once a week starting next week, doctor's appointments every two weeks and then every week, a weekend get-away with Husband this coming weekend, a visit from family the week before Sadie's. I'm supposed to have a room ready for baby to come home to, sub plans figured out for 8 weeks worth of class, and, of course, I have a job that I have to still do now. FULL.

I sort of have started wishing we had somehow gotten through all of that and that it was time for the baby now, even though the "I'm not ready mentally or emotionally (not to mention physically)" mentality is still in full effect. A (increasingly larger) part of me wishes the Peanut were here!

With all that said, we are about 10 weeks away from our due date!

30 Week Update

Husband was actually home this morning, so he took the picture.

Got it pretty cute in one shot, instead of my normal 10 attempts.

Size of Baby: 15.7 inches in length, more or less. Longer than a ruler. Not quite a ruler and a half. I believe it - I can feel him kicking me in different places nearly simultaneously. Weight? About the same as a cabbage - 3 ish pounds. Expected to grow significantly soon! (hopefully him, not me).

Maternity Clothes: Clearly. I just put aside my last pair of regular jeans this weekend. They finally were just a little too uncomfortable, even with their low waist. The jeans I'm wearing in this picture crack me up - the built-in "belly band" thing is hilarious... but also a bit obnoxious, as I keep feeling like my pants are falling down. I wish it were a warmer season, because I think some fun dresses would be nice, but alas, it's windy and cold and unpredictable, so not worth spending the money. Still, I finally feel "cute-ish" most of the time. That's nice.

Gender: Boy. We got our first round of registering done... speaking of which, if you have strong-but-nice opinions on what are "must-have's" or "how many to have's," I'd love to know.... and it was fun to pick out some little boy things. Some friends of ours have a baby boy who will be almost exactly a year older than our little man, so they've been passing some stuff along already. It's true that little girl clothes are cuter, but there are some super stinking cute boy things out there, too. I'm getting a little excited about it, especially as I've been reading some things from other first-time moms with boys.

Movement: All the time. Get 10 kicks in 30 minutes for a fetal-movement test? Puh-lease. When I stretch out in the evening, I can get 30 kicks in 10 minutes. Or less. (Seriously, the other day I had hit my 10 in less than a minute.) Usually really fun feeling. Occasionally he catches me off-guard. My new favorite? Feeling my belly get hard in a certain spot without touching it, pushing slightly, and feeling him roll away. I showed that to my sister the other day and she agreed. It's cool.

Sleep: Oh, sleep. I miss sleeping well. It doesn't help that I'm working my way through a cold right now and trying to keep it from getting too much into the cough stage, which I really struggle with. But my shoulders and back hurt (I've always been a stress-carrier there) and sometimes my belly hurts and it's super hard to find a comfy place to sleep. Still, I am sleeping some, and I'm not too exhausted. I wake up most mornings feeling refreshed, and that's a wonderful thing.

What I Miss: Still, the belly button. I guess it will come back. Feeling more independent. I'm starting to get to the point where I know I need to ask for help with some things, and I don't like that.

Cravings: I have been hitting the Cheetos pretty hard over the last week.... but I always have liked them. Salty, salty, salty. Mexican. Chinese. That all sounds pretty good right now. In fact, anyone want to bring me lunch? Sounds better than my PB sandwich and yogurt.

Symptoms: Nothing new to report. Supposedly I could be feeling Braxton-Hicks now, but I don't think I have.

What I Wish I Knew: Right now? Shallow things, like who should be invited to baby showers. I hate that part of planning. Bigger things, like if I have registered for the right amount of important things, and what I should buy myself. I want to do this right, but simply. I don't want too much stuff, but I want the right stuff.

Best Moment of the Week: Actually not minding talking about the baby with total strangers four times in a row on Saturday. For once, it didn't bother me. I mean, I wasn't gushy, but I felt happy to talk to them and didn't mind their questions or unsolicited input. That's growth, people.

Oh, and getting the nursery painted (Husband kicked butt this weekend!). That's done, we're waiting for our new windows, and the crib my MIL ordered for us should be here any day this week. It's pretty fun to start putting it together! And I've been able to use my "can't sleep" times at night to think about what decor ideas I might want (simple, again). Pictures of the progress coming soon.

Now, as I look at the clock and realize my next class is coming in 20 minutes, I guess I'd better get something "productive" done. Just thought 30 weeks sounded like a big milestone.

Back to getting things crossed off the to-do list so I can get to the "Baby's here!" stage faster.

Happy Monday, friends.

Thoughts on Impending Motherhood

2012-01-20T07:42:00.001-07:00

It's been a little over a week since I last blogged - not because I haven't had posts ready mentally, but because the speed of life has been picking up and most minutes have been full. Hopefully I will have time to do a "check-in" post tomorrow, but this post has been on my heart (and in my journal) for over a week now, so it comes first.

As of today, we have 71 days until our due date. It was more the other week when I originally journaled this, but as of today, 71 days. I realize it could be more, could be less, but still, 71 days. Motherhood is impending. Speedily.

Read along with me.

It hit me (the other) night in the shower. I was thinking how odd it is being a giant, pale hippopotamus is considered beautiful. (Clarification - I do understand that the miracle of creating life, of pregnancy, is beautiful. It's just the giant hippo part I think is a little weird.) And it just hit me.

There is an actual small child inside of me, but he will be in our house before we know it.

And we'll be responsible for him. And I'll be his mom. How do you be a mom to a boy and acheive the same type of relationship I have with my mom? Is that even possible?

A slight panic ensued - literally. I stood frozen for a moment, on the verge of tears, unable to breathe.

This is REAL. And VERY big. (And I'm not just referring to my belly.)

I'm not ready. Tears prick again as I write this. I haven't read any books yet. I haven't been seeking enough advice on what to do. Most of all, it's nearly impossible to actually imagine him here. Vague, blurry glimpses I can create, bu tthe real thing?

The overwhelming realization that this baby is real and will change my life entirely stops me in my tracks.

Am I excited? People may think I'm not, because I don't gush and offer up mushy detatils about loving pregnancy and nursery colors. I'm more likely to, when asked, "how are you feeling?" respond with "fat" and a laugh. Don't get me wrong - I may not love pregnancy, but I'm a pretty big fan of feeling my son kick and move and wiggle - it's my favorite. But to be truthful, I'm not sure I could describe the word excited to describe what I'm feeling right now. Excited is what I am for Christmas lights, seeing a new Harry Potter movie, eating Cadbury Mini Eggs, or drinking a Gingerbread Latte. This is way beyond that. I want to be a mom, and I know the moment I hold my son in my arms that I will be overwhelmed with love.

But excited isn't the right word. This is deeper, more serious. I cannot help but think about the weight of this change. The responsibility. The committment to raising him to be a Godly man. The tears I know I'll shed because I've watched my mom shed them for me.

I guess I've been being an ostrich, still. That I've not allowed myself to feel too much joy in anticipation or too much of the weight of how big of a deal being a mom actually is. It would be so much easier to go back to just doing the "preparing to leave" stuff mentally and emotionally, but I know that (and I want to) need to embrace these deeper, more complex, more heart-stirring and heart-warming and terrifying realities, too.

That there is great JOY in this experience. And that there is great responsibility.

Perhaps, for the first time, I catch a tiny glimpse into Mary's heart.

Lord, God, Father, Spirit. You are unfathomable in your complexity. Your ways are higher than mine, and your plans infinitely better. You have been weaving this child in my womb, and You know every detail about him, just as You know me. You have made me the way I am - do not let others make me feel guilty about not being gushy enough, or about being too "honest."

Instead, Lord, walk with me into a joyful anticipation of this, knowing that You have placed a great responsibility on me, but also that You are with me and that Your plans are perfect.

Teach me to focus on the Joyful pieces for these last many weeks - to claim for my own the depth of understanding of love and joy and incredulity at this life You are creating. Let me become a woman who becomes a mother in love with her God first, transformed by Him in every way, so that I might have my eyes focused on You as I raise my son, that You will be whom I seek, and that I will heed you in all I do for and with my child. Let me remember that You are Lord, and that no work of my own will cause this child to grow up into a good, strong man. I, like I cannot change my husband, cannot force or will my son to be a certain way. Instead, I must consistently and ferverently seek You in all I do, entrusting him to Your care, believing that You guide and lead me each step of the way.

Create JOY in me, oh God, and please, keep reminding me of Your truths and promises.

Amen.

Just last night we were talking paint colors and making final choices. We had the nursery set we bought out and were trying to envision colors and layout and other decor, and again, it was just this powerful moment of realization. I finally started reading a book someone gave me (I'm not placing too much stock in any book, but I wanted to do some reading), and as the author wrote about how we should talk with our babies, and call them by name, from the beginning, I told Husband that I am hesitant to call the Peanut by name now, because that's really real, too. And part of me is still afraid, I think.

Either way, I want to accept the responsibility, but focus on choosing the Joy.

Midweek Confessions

2012-01-12T07:20:00.000-07:00

Okay, well, I started this yesterday, and then ran out of time, so.... I suppose my first confession is that I'm cheating and linking up a day late.

1. I am seriously considering bypassing my healthy lunch (leftovers) in favor of buying Cheetos from the vending machine. Chances are, I'll give in any minute now and go get a bag of them, even if I still eat my lunch. (And yes, I did.)

2. I will later complain about how fat I feel, despite the fact that I made the choice to eat Cheetos as a part of my lunch, instead of not eathing them and finding an apple, instead. (I didn't complain about it, knowing I had written that I would, lol.)

3. I have been eating and drinking way too much sugar recently (oh, holidays and my love for creamy, sweet coffee), but fortunately, I never heard back after my first glucose-screening test, so I assume I'm doing fine with the glucose processing. I am working on cutting down on the coffee and cream in my sugar, and today maybe I'll try to limit myself to two pieces of chocolate.

4. I am blatantly wishing that somehow we would have a snow day tomorrow (even though there is no snow predicted, just cold), so I could have a four day weekend. Then I could do some things for baby stuff and feel guilt-free about it.

5. I don't shower every day. Sometimes I go three days without showering. It's good for my hair, you know? I never get greasy hair because of it. Usually you can't tell at all.... but there are days I push it and hope I'm dressed cutely enough that no one will notice.

6. I have an extreme penchant for all things salty. Put a bag of chips in front of me, and if you're not careful, I'll eat the whole thing right then. Normally I don't let myself buy them for that reason, because I'm a compulsive snacker at times. Pregnancy has been my excuse to buy them weekly. I should probably stop that.

7. I like teaching SO much that I don't want to turn over my classes to anyone else. If I could be a supermom and somehow manage figuring out how to survive no-sleep and delivery recovery, I would try coming in and teaching, newborn with me. (Note. Of course I know that when I actually have the baby, I won't feel that way.)

8. I get ridiculously excited about things like someone bringing me a cup of unexpected Starbucks, Cadbury Mini-eggs, the first Christmas lights I see. I don't think the same word, excited, really can have anything to do with how I feel about becoming a mom. More from me on this later.

As my students walk in (class begins in one minute), I realize I have the choice to post now or just scrap this altogether. :) So there you have me, for today, on a few things I'd like to confess.

Into the "Home Stretch" - Large and Sort of In Charge

2012-01-10T07:41:00.002-07:00

Drumroll, please.....

We're now in the 3rd Trimester! (My students yesterday thought it was awful that anything called a Trimester exists - Semesters are bad enough, and they immediately began imagining having to go to school for a third one. It was hilarious.)

At 28 Weeks and counting, here I am.... don't judge, please. :)

Yes, you're right, I'm huge. Well, I think so, anyway. And with the knowledge that there are possibly 10+ pounds more to go, well, fantastic. Pretty sure my belly looks as large as most of the women's I know RIGHT before they gave birth. Can't do anything about it though, so..... large it is, and larger I'll be soon.

And a 28 Week Pregnancy Update!

Size of Baby: The size (I think weight, not necessarily width? Let's hope so, anyway!) of a Chinese cabbage (Which, of course, I've never heard of). Nearing 15 inches from crown of head to toes, and probably weighing less than three pounds, which makes it even more unfair that mommy here has gained quite a bit more than that. Still, he's getting big!

Maternity Clothes: Clearly. Did you not see my picture? My only comfort is that I can still fit into a couple pairs of my low-rise jeans comfortably and that, unless they are lying to me (which could be possible), my friends and husband tell me that from the backside, I don't look different. I should have taken a picture of that this morning to prove it. Most recent purchase? Some of those "sports-bras" that have the normal-bra spaghetti strap so I can wear them to school and be comfortable without having it be obvious that I decided to abandon regular bras.

Gender: Boy! I've recently had the chance to look at bunches of pictures of my cousin's baby boy (who was born before Christmas) and am getting pretty excited. We're finally tackling the nursery. Husband just finished repairing the ceiling (from de-popcorning it), and the paint will probably be coming this weekend or next. We've made a "date" to go "shopping" on Saturday to pick out what we like and to get our registry done, since shower-time approaches rapidly. I'm a major procrastinator. Anyway, boy it is, we're pretty set on his name, but I'll just wait a little longer to tell you that.

Movement: My favorite thing about being pregnant. (Possibly the only thing I like about it, lol.) I could sit and feel my belly for hours. I love the way he responds to my hands, even if I'm not pressing down, but just resting them there. It totally fascinates me to watch my belly twitch and jump when he really gets going. And I'm constantly amazed as I realize how much he has grown since I first started feeling him move, because there is movement all over the belly in rapid succession, rather than just in one localized place like before. So. Cool.

Sleep: Depends on the night. I'm getting it, and it's mostly good. Dreams are weird sometimes, but recently they haven't been bad or unsettling, which is a nice change. Body pillow is super helpful. And I'm just getting better at falling back asleep after a bathroom break.

What I miss: My belly button. It bothers me extremely that it's this shallow little thing now (and please, let's not talk about it like a "turkey thermometer about to pop"). Feeling like a normal-ish sized person, instead of hippo. People commenting on how nice I look, not how big I'm getting.

Cravings: Nothing specific, as always. Just a continued desire (as I've had my whole life) to eat salty, and to have some chocolate. I need to eat less, is pretty much it.

Symptoms: Is my belly a symptom? Just kidding. My hips hurt at night sometimes when I move, but I'm learning to deal with that better, and I'm starting to be a little tired again, but not too much. My shoes still fit, some of my rings do, too, but my face is a little chubs. Mostly, doing really well.

What I Wish I Knew: When he's coming. I would love to have that timeline set in stone so I could plan better. (ha, I know, right?) The calendar for the next few months is full, and I keep wishing I could really know when I have to be ready. There's a lot of pressure trying to do my job well for the next few months, have it be manageable to leave school in some order for the sub, and, of course, having the essentials for baby to come home to.

Best Moment(s) This Week: Booking a weekend away with Husband. Can we afford to go? Probably not. Can we afford not to go? Probably not. So we're going. We compromised on the where to get a slightly more affordable hotel and agreed to eat cheap so we can stay two nights. I think it will be really good for us to have some time together to be intentional and have good conversation away from home and from the "to-do" list. It's going to be hard for me to let go off all the things I'll know I should be doing, but I'm really excited, anyway.

As for "Large and sort-of In Charge," well, I have some to-do lists, I'm working on prioritizing, and I know it's one of those things where things will be done even if they're not done, so.... I feel sort of okay with things. We'll see what happens.

It's going to be a crazy dash to the finish, which ,of course, is just the beginning.

Weirdest Dream Ever.

2012-01-08T18:53:00.000-07:00

Had to share this dream, it was so bizarre to me.

I was at school, in my classroom, and my mom was there, too, logically. We'd just sat down at the front of the room, getting ready to teach, I suppose. I have this tall chair I got over break to sit in once in a while to get off my feet, so I was seated there, with Mom nearby.

The baby was kicking ferociously, and we could see the outline of his little feet pushing through my belly. Suddenly, he crawled out of my stomach (through my belly button, I imagine?), curled up, and settled down right on top of my baby bump. Completely naked, no more than 3 or 4 inches long, perfectly formed, and still connected to me through the umbilical cord, a baby curled up on top of my belly. Curled up into the tiniest little ball, just like our dog does when she's sleeping.

And we thought this was totally normal.

Still, we told him to go back inside, because it wasn't time yet. So back into the womb he went, and life went on.

Weird, right?

Husband's reaction? "It sounds like a little Voldemort baby on your tummy." (Referencing the last Harry Potter movie where we see this weird, baby-like thing of Voldemort, of those of you who don't know.)

My friend's reaction? "Sounds like a Kangaroo. You should name him Joey."

Husband's reaction to my friend's reaction? "Let's call him Roo from now on!" And then a discussion about what Winnie-the-Pooh stuffed animals we had as children.

My family's reaction? They just laughed at me. And then we got into a discussion regarding how big the Peanut (or Roo, apparently) actually is - which is approximated to be 14 inches completely stretched out. This resulted in Husband showing how long he thought 14 inches was, my sister thinking his estimate was too big and getting a ruler to test him, my mom getting up and looking at his hands and guessing Husband was holding up 15 inches, my sister only being able to find a 6-inch ruler, my dad going to get the yard stick to measure and discovering that Husband was holding his hands 15 inches apart, and my mom nodding with satisfaction at how correct her guess was.

Ridiculous.

Oh, baby dreams, how strange you can be sometimes. Baby, we're not quite ready for you, but we're excited.

30 Before 30: 10 Months and Counting

2012-01-06T10:27:00.001-07:00

A few years ago, when I still had a little more time before 30 hit, I started planning a 30 before 30 list. Somewhere along the way I forgot to finish it, put it away, and never came back to it again.

A picture of my sister and I for Halloween many years ago... more than 20 years before 30 hits.

Couldn't find a good birthday shot of me right now, so this will have to do.

Well, 30 is around the corner, my friends, right towards the end of October, and I figure that, if I want to actually accomplish anything on my 30 before 30 list, I'd better actually finish and post it now for some accountability.

Granted, a few of the things on this list are complete already or in progress since I originally began compiling my wish list a while ago. I also fully expect to not fully complete this list, which I suppose I can live with. Turning it into something I "have to do" and not something "fun" just seems plain old stupid.

Well, let's see what's on the list: 30 Things I'd Like to Do Before I Turn 30 in 10 Months.

Items in Black have yet to be completed.
Items in Red are in-progress.
Items in Blue are completed, with the completion date in parenthesis.

1. Do the Incline and run down Barr Trail more than once.

2. Read "Les Miserables," unabridged, from cover to cover.

3. Bake a Mexican Chocolate or a German Chocolate cake from scratch.

4. Have a baby.

5. Climb Pikes Peak (up, not down, will be fine.)

6. Organize my photos into actual albums, physical and digital.

7. Learn how to bake my own bread at high altitude.

8. Make a budget for our family and create a system where we track our spending and actually use both.

9. Read the entire New Testament. (I'm only in Matthew, but it counts.)

10. Buy a sewing machine and make a baby blanket.

11. Go tent-camping in the mountains for at least one night.

12. Grow some sort of vegetable successfully in my own mini-garden. (Summer 2010 - I grew small tomatoes. I'd like to try again, though.)

13. Go on a girl's trip with my mom and sister, even if just for a night.

14. Learn how to play the guitar, at least very simply.

15. Play a videogame with my husband. (Don't remember when, but I played Sonic the Hedgehog with him.)

16. Cook a full traditional Italian meal for my family, especially my grandpa.

17. Do something in a part of Colorado I've never been to, like Durango or Grand Junction or Telluride.

18. Spend a few days at the beach with no agenda at all. (Summer 2008 - We honeymooned in Mexico and spent a few days doing absolutely nothing.)

19. Buy a house. (I'm going to mark this as finished - we looked into this summer and then decided we should re-finance our townhouse for now and look again in a few years.)

20. Run a 10 K race.

21. Start and work on a baby book for my son as he grows.

22. Lose the baby weight and the had-already-gained-before-baby weight.

23. Go to a professional athletic game of some type. (Spring/Summer 2010 - Colorado Rockie's Games.)

24. Get my Master's degree. (Finished in December of 2009)

25. Read at least 10 non-fiction books cover to cover. (Currently reading "How to Win Friends and Influence People," and "The Speed of Trust" for StuCo... have read a few others, have a few more on the list.)

26. Take a road trip to Yellowstone or the Grand Canyon.

27. Visit a Spanish-speaking country other than Spain. (Summer 2008 - We'll have to count Mexico for our honemoon for now.)

28. Go to the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade or the New Year's Day Rose Parade with my husband. (Not really going to be able to do this, since my birthday is before either of these occur again.)

29. Take a digital photography class or learn more about how to improve my photos.

30. Sing special music at church with my husband.

Midweek Confessions: Tails from the Corral

2012-01-04T14:07:00.000-07:00

Oh yes, I did intentionally mispell "tales" to be punny. I am just that clever. (ha.)

My Midweek Confessions for this week can be summed up in one ridiculous story.

First, a bit of background.

This is my horse, Cowboy. He's been mine for 15+ years and is now about 30 years old, and doing really well.

That has not always been the case. A couple of years ago he impaled himself on a fence post and really should have died (I have pictures, but they are just too gross to put out for public consumption.) The stories I could tell you about taking care of him during his road to recovery - priceless. If you're up for a good one some time, let me know.

Anyway, as a result of his injury, Cowboy has some significant muscle lose in his right hind haunches and is "retired." He lives at my parents' house in the forest with a lovely pen, a nice shelter that matches the house, and a pasture down the path to graze in during the summer.

Cowboy loves to eat. He particularly loves grain, and he particularly loves to graze on fresh grass. He likes Alfalfa hay, and will eat but is fairly neutral towards grass hay.

Our story begins at meal time yesterday. Husband and I headed out to the forest to do a little corral cleaning, feed the horse, and put his blanket on (he's old, and it gets cold at night). Grain in the bowl, Cowboy begun chowing down while I blanketed him and Husband got to cleaning. Deep in the midst of a good conversation, neither of us realized the gate was open.

This wouldn't normally have been a problem - he was eating his grain. Well, neither of us realized that he'd finished his grain, had sniffed his grass hay semi-uninterestedly, and then had seen the open gate.

He was half-way out before I noticed. And here come the confessions.

1. I've been a horse-person for years and have known this horse well forever, and I shouted at him and chased after him, despite that I should have known that would just encourage him to run away from me.

2. As Husband chased the horse up the street (which of course encouraged Cowboy to break into a run), I was shouting for my dad (who didn't hear me) while I looked for a halter and got some grain in a bucket. I may have used a bad word when looking for the halter.

Cowboy crossed the street and disappeared into the forest (you have to understand - there are houses every so often and then acres and acres of trees), with Husband following as closely as he could and me trailing behind. Eventually I caught up to Husband, who had lost the horse in the trees. He called my dad to tell him to get in the car and drive around and then gave me his cell phone because

3. I had left mine in the truck and was off without a way to communicate with anyone and then went back to the house to get in the truck and circle the "block" where we knew Cowboy was. We're talking acres, here, people, but Cowboy was moving pretty quickly and as there was no fresh grass to be found, wasn't stopping anywhere. Still, we thought that, perhaps he or my dad would spot the horse. My cell phone was in the truck, so he would have that.

4. Of course, my cell phone was really buried deep in my purse, so Husband couldn't find it, and he was left without a phone for the rest of the story.

5. I then proceeded to traipse through the forest, which, in many parts, was covered in six inches of snow, wearing flats, shaking the bucket of grain as if that would lure the horse to me. I had no idea where he was, I wasn't following any tracks or being very logical, and I am 27 weeks pregnant.

6. I was semi-rude to Husband's boss and dad when they called, because I was too concerned about the horse for formalities. Fortunately, they understood.

Eventually I realized that I shouldn't be wandering through the woods anymore, no matter how much I love that horse. I'd met a nice old man (I was in his "yard," after all) who walked for a while and looked too, and eventually we met up again on the road that runs parallel to my parents' street. He got in his car to drive around the "block" and look for Cowboy while I called my dad to come pick me up. Husband couldn't be reached, because my phone was buried in my purse. We had no idea where he was.

7. I had to pee, of course, so my dad drove me back to our house. I confess that I was quite snippy with him, expecting to him to understand everything even though it hadn't quite yet been explained to him. Sigh. I apologized later.

I changed my shoes and we got back in the car to look for Husband so we could switch roles. As we were pulling out, my mom was pulling in, oblivious to what was going on. Because we had to stop to let her by on the drive, my dad saw Cowboy making his way back through the trees, back on our side of the street, towards his "house." Mom honked, thinking that Cowboy had just gotten out, and we all went after him again.

This time, after a little coaxing, we were able to catch him and take him back to the corral. As we were doing so, both my sister and my Husband pulled in.

8. I told the horse I was really mad at him, and that he was stupid. And then I cried. Buckets. Like a little girl.

9. I was too tired emotionally and physically to do anything else, so my parents took us out to dinner and then I got into bed at 8 and stayed there until I woke up this morning. So much for my "menu" and for doing the much needed lesson planning I was supposed to do. I cancelled a coffee meeting, too, so I could just go to bed. Lame.

The rest of the story? Well, apparently Husband had, shortly after driving around, found the horse, cornered him in a pen in someone's yard (but the pen was open on one side), worked his way over to the horse without Cowboy running away, and tried to get the bridle he'd grabbed to go on the horse's head.

Anyone who knows Cowboy knows he's a pain (if that wasn't clear yet), so of course he resisted the bridle, and since we haven't been able to ride Cowboy pretty much at all during our marriage, Husband wasn't quite familiar with how it worked. After about ten-fifteen minutes of Husband working on it and hanging on to the horse by his mane, Cowboy decided he'd had enough, man-handled Husband (horse-handled?), and took off again. Seriously, you try stopping a horse that ways 600 or more pounds than you. Husband ran after him a little bit, but as Cowboy disappeared over a hill, ran back to his truck to head to our house to reconvene and figure out the next step.

Meanwhile, Cowboy made his way home (who knew he knew where he lived? That dumb horse is actually pretty smart!) and we caught him just as Husband pulled into the driveway.

The bright side? My 30 year old horse is still pretty active, full of spirit, and apparently can run well, despite the muscle loss he's experienced. And he wasn't hit by a truck or injured, and none of us are too much worse for the wear, either.

Oh, Cowboy. It's always something with him.

10. No matter how idiotic or stupid he is, I love him to pieces. I would have been distraught if we'd lost him or worse, found him too late. He's my big, stupid, smart, loveable old man horse.

Truth

2012-01-03T10:26:00.004-07:00

Truth #1: I want to write a post that is light-hearted, fun, festive, and new, since this is my first post of 2012, but if I am to be truthful about life, and where I'm at, well then, fun, festive, and new will have to wait until tomorrow.

Truth #2: Even if my heart was ready to write my 30 Before 30 post today, I don't have my list complete yet. Better get cracking as the clock is ticking! Look for that coming soon.

Truth #3: Marriage is hard. Now, I know that some of you actually know Husband in real life, and so I hesitate to write what's on my heart. But I continue to remind myself that you love him, and you know that I love him also. Whole-heartedly. And that we are commited to each other for always. So I'm going to be a truth-teller, because my heart is thinking a lot about this. Marriage is hard.

Truth #4: I can't share with you right now what is going on with Husband, but it's pretty tough. Maybe someday, when his journey is a little farther, he'll allow me to share so that our story can be one to hopefully help others. For now, though, I can just tell you that it's rough. He's hurting, I'm hurting, and it's rough. And deep. And there is definitely a spiritual component attached to it, for which I would covet your prayers.

Truth #5: As I sat last night trying to stop bawling like a baby, I opened first the Bible and second my journal, and was reminded.

I haven't been doing all this spiritual growth recently for no reason. God's in charge, and He has the master plan. He knew this was coming, and He prepared my heart.

First, God reminded me in Psalm 31 to

Be brave. Be strong. Don't give up. Expect God to get here soon,

and in Psalm 32 that,

We're depending on God; he's everything we need. What's more, our hearts brim with joy since we've taken for our own his holy name. Love us, God, with all you've got - that's what we're depending on.

Then, as I went back through page after page after page of writing in my journal, He showed me that He has been working in me, preparing me, teaching me.

Most of all, that there is Hope.

That His promises are swift and sure in coming, and that He always makes good on them.

That, in all things, I can praise Him and give Him glory, because He Is Good, even when things are not.

That I can trust Him with Husband. That Husband is not mine to fix. That I must be a praying wife, a loving wife, an encouraging wife, a supporting wife. That God has Husband in His hand, and that God alone can be what Husband needs.

Truth #6: Because my heart has been being prepared, worked on, because I've been learning these things, I do not feel desperate. I do not feel downtrodden. I do feel hurt, I won't lie. I am scared. It is hard. But I feel hopeful. I believe that God is working, and I believe that Husband is His. Because God has been walking with me, teaching me, I have faith.

Truth #7: I believe Satan is ticked. I've been praying in faith for some very specific things for Husband regularly for the last month or so, and those very things have been attacked. I don't like to throw spiritual warfare around casually in conversation - too easily we can blame our sin on it, in my opinion, and begin to see demons everywhere - but in this case, I am confident. Join me, friends, in praying for a hedge around Husband, that He will not believe the lies that are being whispered to his heart about the very core of who he is as a man.

Truth #8: Months ago I posted this song, and thought I should listen to it this morning, because I praise God that He has been faithful to me in preparing my heart, and that He will continue to be faithful, right until the very end.

I forgot that it talks about Glory. And you know that Glory is something I've been thinking and learning quite a lot about recently. Okay, God, connection again.

And, for potentially the first time in my life, I started to understand this idea of being the Bride of Christ, of marriage to Him, of truly loving Him and Him loving me. In marriage with Christ, He doesn't hurt me or let me down or be humanly stupid. He loves unconditionally, perfectly, passionately, jealously. I've been praying that I would learn to love God, to understand that relationship at a deeper level, and because of my own marriage and what we're learning now, I'm starting to get it.

Faithful. Absolutely to the end.

Thanks for walking with me as I tell some truth today. It's where my heart is, and I desire to be a transparent, real person, to live with integrity. Even if it's hard or reveals that I, like all of us, am far from perfect.

Please, again know that I love my man, and I believe in him completely. This is a journey, and one we need to take to be the people that God wants us to be. 

Looking Back: 2011

2011-12-30T14:00:00.002-07:00

As a teacher, I live my life by school years more often than calendar years. I'm always caught off-guard by student's jokes in December of "I'll see you next year," because I just can't get my brain to operate on the calendar year when I'm in the middle of school. For me, the year runs from August to August, and I accept that.
Still, the coming of a new calendar year is something kind of special, isn't it? New years, new days, new mornings. New chances. The closing of a calendar year gives us the opportunity to reflect on what was, and to dream of what comes next.

2011 proved me to be an unfaithful blogger and photographer, so I can't do one of those month-by-month, best posts or photos reviews, but I have picked out a few things to share as I reflect on 2011.

On Babies:

In April I shared my thoughts on Husband and I finally deciding that we were "ready" to have children - or to start trying. Still, that "decision" brought very little chage in my life.

In August, Husband and I were in Lincoln, NE, for a wedding when we discovered that we were, in fact, pregnant. After taking a couple of pregnancy tests over the course of a couple of days (which, yes, I have pictures of, but no, I will not post here), we sent/gave our parents these homemade mugs to share the news with them.

In October, we shared the news with the world. The first non-family, non-close friends people to find out? My Student Council. They were so cute and excited for us!

I had my first and total meltdown about worrying if my baby was okay - I was sure the baby was dead and I just didn't know it. I was a sniveling mess for a couple of days until I finally let my rational self and God take over.

In November, at our second ultrasound, we learned that not only was Baby C alive and healthy, but he was also a HE. A boy. A son. Whoa! I kind of knew it, I think.

In November, I gave in and finally bought maternity clothes (a tramautic experience at first, but I'm feeling more comfortable in my expanding body these days.... comfortable as in more accepting, not as in physically comfortable).

Most excitingly, the end of November and December have brought amazing feeling movements and kicks that both Husband and I can feel, and the mushy mom-to-be side of me has finally started to come out. I'm nervous, excited, and realizing, holy moly, I am going to be a mom. Soon.

On God and Deeper Things:

At a few points throughout the year, I acknolwedged that I needed to dig deeper. I pondered having Margin in life, God's faithfulness, and a need to spend more time with the One, but little came of it until November, when a friend finally kicked me in the butt and told me to just do it.
December brought nearly daily quiet times (some long, some short), where I've begun to learn more and more about faith, belief, and a new level of relationship. The Advent season helped me to process that it's about that relationship.

Photo Credit: My wonderful blog friend, Southern Gal.

I'm on a journey, but it's beautiful. And hard. Beautifully hard, but worth it, and I know I'm getting something I didn't get before.

On Family, Friends, and Life in General:

January brought a visit from my friend Brooke for a weekend. She's moving to Korea in a few weeks with her husband. Brooke is the type of friend you know you can always count on. I mentioned that I would be alone for the weekend and I was super upset about it, because Husband was going to be on the youth retreat, the first I had missed in years. On a whim, she and her dog Charlie drove out to hang with Ginny and me.

Husband and I just had the chance to spend another weekend with Brooke and her husband as they drove from Arizona to Michigan, phase one of their move to Korea. I don't know when I'll get to see her again, but thank goodness for Skype, and for friends that you know are always going to be there and get you, no matter where they live.

Summer yielded two trips to Nebraska on my part and three for Husband (who loved it, since that's his hometown). In June, we spent a long weekend at John's mom's and attended Husband's cousin's wedding. There was an incident with a harmless snake in a park that resulted in my crying like an idiot, and Husband explaining to his sister that I am like Indiana Jones - able to conquer everything but snakes. In July, Husband went back to Lincoln for his 10 year high school reunion, where he got to drive a Mustang and catch up with some old friends. And in August, we went back again for Laura's (MIL's) birthday and went to another wedding. (And found out about the Peanut.) Sadly, I have no pictures of any of this - I was a terrible photographer.

In July, my grandpa turned 96 years old, we moved him from one retirement home to another, and we took him to Estes Park. He's pretty much the coolest old man I know. My sister and I had lunch with him yesterday at his place, and just laughed with him. He's great.

My sister graduated from college in May and, in August, started her first year of teaching (1st Grade!). She's doing an amazing job, from what I can tell. She's also the Peanut's biggest fan, and has already bought him a couple of cute little outfits and is super excited to be an aunt. Hanging out with her is always fun, even when I'm freezing to death at a football game.

I

also have found that, more and more over the last year, I just absolutely love and respect my husband. He's an amazing man, who continues to amaze me more every day. He graduated from a 4 year schooling program with honors and took his Journeyman's license test and passed on the first try. He tore out our rotting deck and put in the cutest little patio and yard in our teeny-tiny townhouse space. He's been reading up on babies and is actively involved in this pregnancy, and is so excited to be a dad. And he's grown, in lots of amazing ways, that I couldn't even begin to share here. He's just wonderful, and I am blessed to be his wife. I can't even begin to imagine what this next adventure we're about to go on together will be like, but I'm so excited to be on this road with him.

There are about a billion other things I could tell you about 2011, but as this post has already taken way longer than I thought, I'll be finished.

Looking back, I am in awe. I pondered. I taught some great students. I made some mistakes, but I tried to do right. I spent time with people I love and who love me. I learned to spend more time with my family, to create some margin, to leave work at school more often. I'm growing in my faith, in my relationships, and, of course, in my belly.
I know that 2012 is going to be a year full of life I cannot even begin to imagine, and I am thrilled to begin looking forward. I have some hopes for this blog, but more importantly, I have hopes for myself, for my husband, for my son.

For my life.

Blessings, and I'll see you again next year.

Coming Soon to Like a Day Off

2011-12-27T12:57:00.001-07:00

1. A hopefully fresh, simple blog design. I can't actually afford to get someone to re-do my blog for me, and I don't really know how to do much on my own, so expect a simple template. I want a few more days of Christmas blog (just like I want a few more days of Christmas house), and then I want simple and fresh.

2. A post on 30 before 30. I started that list a bazillion years ago. (Okay, like a year ago.) Now, with less than a year to go before 30, I want to cross some things off my list. Excited to share it with you - maybe they will actually happen.

3. A request for your most-important, non-annoying advice on how to prioritize what actually needs to get done before Baby C arrives. With less than 15 weeks to go and the terrifying knowledge that I was born nearly 4 weeks early, I have a serious need to get my rear end in gear and figure out what's most important and what can wait. Any words of advice from high school teachers who are over-committed to their students on how to do long-term sub plans will be appreciated.

4. Hopefully more regular posts that show a better balance of who I am as a person - teacher, wife, homemaker, mom-to-be, Jesus-follower, funny and serious woman. I like a lot of my early blog posts, but feel like for the last year I was in a blog-rut.

5. More pictures. I just have to replace my camera first. Remember how I lost it a while ago, and then found it? Well, I tripped and dropped it the other day when I was about to document my epic fail at Spritz cookies, and it's broken. Lame. It barely bounced on the floor. So.... let me save my Christmas gift cards and see if I can get a new camera soon.

Potentially I'll do a "looking back" post before the new year, but if I don't (I really enjoy not being on the computer on breaks), know I'm looking forward to spending 2012 and all it holds with you all!

Midweek Confessions

2011-12-21T15:34:00.000-07:00

Excited to link up and share my Midweek Confessions! I have given absolutely NO thought to what I'm about to write, but I was thinking about blogging today and decided this is the perfect "not too much thinking required since I'm on a break" post.

Here we go!

1. I really, really, really enjoy not being on the computer. At school I check my email about a million times a day and, because I teach online, I'm on a lot at home, too. I've been avoiding grading the last few things (including their final) for the online class, mostly because I haven't wanted to be bothered to log on. In the last few days, I've been on Facebook for about 10 minutes, I've read maybe three blog posts, and I've responded to two emails. That's it. And I love it.

2. I don't think I'm a very good "pregnant person." I am just not mushy. And I just discovered that, at 25 weeks, I've gained nearly 20 pounds. If I'm "supposed" to gain a pound a week or more for the rest of the time, I'm going to have gained 35 + pounds. I realize that "that's okay," and that "all women are different," but for me, the thought of gaining 35+ pounds, even if it's "baby weight," is horrifying. I mean, absolutely horrifying. I've begun to notice my face getting rounder (which happened the last time I gained a lot of weight, although that time I had no "guilt free" excuse), and I don't like it. It would help if I ate better and walked more often.

3. I don't eat well enough sometimes. Since I haven't "had time" to grocery shop this week, I just finished a bag of Cheetos as my lunch. Refer to #2. I feel kind of gross, but I know if there were any more left, I'd be eating them. I also need to drink way more water and less other stuff.

4. I might not be mushy, but I LOVE feeling the Peanut move. I could probably sit here for hours and just feel my tummy and see if I can get him to wiggle or kick, even if it meant completely ignoring all the responsibilities I have.

5. My house is already a mess. It was clean for Thanksgiving, and I had good intentions of keeping it that way. Christmas presents exploded in the living room, and the bedroom is full of Space Bags full of clothes for "after baby" that have yet to be vaccuumed shut and put away and bags of "won't probably ever fit in this so here you go Goodwill" clothes. They've been on the floor for two weeks.

6. I'm addicted to Hallmark Christmas movies. I could watch them all day (I've watched at least 4 in the last two days) and my DVR is full because of them.

7. I really, really, really want a White Christmas. It snowed on Monday while I was Christmas shopping (which I started on Monday, another confession, and mostly have finished now), and really felt like Christmas. Because it's been cold, some of the snow is still on the ground, but I want fresh snow for Sunday. I'm like a five year old, and I could never live somewhere where the possibility of a white Christmas didn't exist. I always want Christmas to be just like I want it to be, but I'm learning to be less selfish about it. But a fresh layer of snow would be just lovely.

8. I bet I could write about a million more of these "confessions." I'll have to join in again next week to "come clean." As a last, silly one, I'm always jealous of Elizabeth (with whose blog I'm linking), because I think we seem like we could be pretty similar and maybe could be IRL friends if we actually knew each other, but her blog is way better and her posts more fun than mine. :)

Stay tuned for more Midweek Confessions in the future, as well as (hopefully) some fun pictures over the next few days!

And Some More on Glory

2011-12-13T09:55:00.000-07:00

Last Wednesday morning I headed downstairs at about 5:30, got my cup of coffee (a delicious half-caf blend that I add organic sugar, a little cream (okay, more than a little), and a dash of cinnamon and ginger), turned the twinkle lights on the tree, and opened up to where I'd left off a few days ago in Matthew.

Later, when Husband came downstairs, I couldn't wait to tell him what I'd read.

"Guess what the first sentence in the passage was about this morning?"

"Umm... Glory?"

Yup. Glory. That word I have never really considered much, but am hearing loud and clear now. It was just one of those "wow" moments, you know? The very day before, on a whim, I'd opened to a Psalm instead of the normal routine, and pondered glory. So to head back to Matthew and get more on it?

Alright, God.

Peter, John, and James headed up a mountain with Jesus and got to experience Glory. Jesus was suddenly transformed - His face, his clothing, filled with light, shining brightly (way better than any Twilight vampire's sparkling).   And He was talking with Moses and Elijah.

At this point, I bet Peter, John, and James are in awe and probably a little freaked out, but they're still with it enough to think, "hey, we should build a memorial to remember this!"    But then they get to see more Glory.

God shows up.   They're enveloped in a cloud of light and they HEAR God's voice claiming Jesus as His Son, in whom He delights. All rational thought goes out the window here, and they fall on their faces. I mean, who wouldn't? I probably would have had an "accident," if you know what I mean.

These guys didn't just talk about Glory. They got to see Jesus. To really see Him.   (Like in Avatar, SEE Him.) And they got to experience God.

This Glory thing is real, and it's a big deal.

Well, I decided to keep reading, thinking that whatever came next would be good, but probably not as jaw-dropping as reading more about Glory.
Jesus' disciples had tried to cast out a demon, and failed. "Why couldn't we do it?" they asked.

"Because you're not really getting it yet," Jesus replied. "You still don't really know God. If you really knew Him, a tiny bit of faith would move mountains." (my paraphrase, obviously. It's how God spoke to my heart.)

Again, with the connections. They, like me, needed to know, to see, God. To be in a real relationship with Him.
I'm praying for belief, for faith, at a level deeper and more meaningful than I've ever had before. And God's making the message loud and clear.

The key is this relationship. The more I invest, the more I'll get it. The more I'll know Him. The more I'll believe and have faith and understand Glory and be able to serve and love and obey. Like a marriage that has lasted a lifetime and grown stronger and deeper and reached new levels of love, I'll learn to know and love Him.

Relationship.

Clearly.

The true meaning of this whole season. Of Christmas.

A Smile

2011-12-12T07:12:00.000-07:00

With the entire couch to lay on, this is the pose my dog chose last night.

What a weirdo. Her face was literally smushed. Apparently smushed is comfortable.

A Christmas House....

2011-12-10T09:02:00.000-07:00

... is one of my most favoritest things in the whole world. I love it enough to use words like favoritest, even though I know that isn't a word at all.

There's nothing like sitting in front of a twinkling Christmas tree. As you can see by my holiday blog design, you know I'm obsessed with it. It's really the best thing in the world, any time of day, although early in the morning or as the dusk falls is the best, because then the whole room glows with the twinkly, sparkly white light of the tree. Growing up our tree was filled with antique ornaments, handmade ornaments, and a vertiable hodge podge of other ornaments. There was no rhyme or reason, and it was beautiful.

When I moved out and had to get my own tree, I got a few boxes of matching little ornaments, and then started collecting other pieces. Marrying Husband brought in a whole set of his childhood ornaments and Santa Claus collection, and each year we've received more ornaments as gifts. Now, although there are definitely repeat matching ornaments on my tree (thanks to my first year on my own), our tree is just what I like.... a blend of mismatched, twinkling lights.

The perfect place to relax.

My next favorite thing is my mantle. Over the last couple of years I've wored on adding height to my mantle decor. I've played with having a lot on it, to having very little. My pre-fall and Christmas mantle was back to pretty simple, with a few lovely pieces and some pops of color. Fall added a bit more, with a leaf garland and some pumpkins.

This season led me to remove several things, but add many more. It's definitely back to the "lots on it" stage, but I think it might be my favorite Christmas mantle yet. The words on it inspire me to choose joy, to believe deeply, to find hope and love in my family, friends, and faith. And it twinkles, too.

There are many other little areas in my house that are Christmas-y, because I love it so. We have a Christmas quilt on our bed and little Christmas things in the kitchen, the dining room, on walls and endtables everywhere. Each shelf on the built-ins in the living room has something different on it - candles, CDs, the Polar Express.

There is one shelf, though, that stands out. It's simple, it's not dressed in red and green and gold, and there are no twinkling lights.

But it's beautiful.

Because, more than anything else in my whole house, no matter how much I love sitting in front of the twinkling lights or seeing the reds and golds or sleeping in a Christmas bed, this shelf matters.

This shelf reminds us of what we're really doing here.

Oh, I love a Christmas House.

23 Weeks....

2011-12-09T07:38:00.001-07:00

None of these pictures are great. I tried and tried and tried, and made myself late to work the other morning, kicking off a frazzled day. But you get the picture. (oh, punny!)

Pregnancy Highlights:

How Far Along: 23-ish Weeks

Size and Health of Baby: The Peanut is about 11 inches long, according to all the science, and as of Wednesday's doctor's visit, weights about 1 pound. (Too bad I've gained lots more than 1 pound, ha!). Apparently, that's the weight of a large mango. Doctor said his little heartbeat sounded just awesome and that he's moving just the right amount (which I now feel more often, yeay!!!)

Maternity Clothes: Sigh. I gave in, but mostly, I feel good about it now. I definitely cried in the store while trying them on - I am not totally sure why it was so rough, but it was. My sister and I were laughing yesterday about how we kicked her out of the store because she held up a pair of elastic jeans and started laughing. Not the best timing. :) But it's good now. I have a few pairs of actual slacks that I can wear to work to be a little more professional, and they are SO comfy. And I have several tops that I'm getting accustomed to wearing. Let's face it - I'm not a huge fan of the belly, but it's growing on me. (ha! again with the punny!)

Gender: We now know that the Peanut is a little BOY, which is crazy! Husband is pretty dang excited, as you can imagine. I'm working on wrapping my head around that, still. I check out all the baby boys and little boys I see and imagine what mine will be like. We haven't figured out anything like decorating or nursery stuff for him, yet, but we're thinking a little. Anything really fun and boy-y that you'd like to share with me?

Movement: My new favorite thing. It almost makes me mushy, which is not the normal. Sometimes he totally surprises me and I barely can contain myself from saying something or wiggling around myself. Husband has been able to feel the Peanut move a little more. It makes it more real for both of us. It's not all the time, but more and more. Between that and hearing his little heartbeat at the doctor, it might not be long before I'm a mess of mush, lol.

Sleep: Rough sometimes, but sometimes okay. When my back hurts, I really like to sleep flat, but I'm trying to use the body pillow to help myself stay off of it more. I don't know how I could sleep without that body pillow some nights, some nights I don't need it, and some nights, nothing is going to help. For a while I could still pull off sleeping partly on my stomach (like half sideways), but that's out now. Peanut kicks me for squishing him and won't stop until I roll over. I don't blame him.

Cravings and Eating: Still doing pretty well in this area. Perhaps it's that I've always craved salty food that means I still do... but I'm actually exercising self-control most of the time. I need to up my fruit and veggie intake, but a lot of veggies mess with my tummy. I could stand to drink more water. Worst things I eat (but that I've always loved, so I don't know that they count as cravings): Taco Bell. Chips. M&Ms. Cheese. I have my gestational diabetes test at my next doctor's appointment. I'm really hoping it's a non-issue.

What I miss: Balance. I've always been a klutz. I'd hoped I would grow out of it as I matured, but no. I've always been the person to trip, to drop things, to run into something that's always been there (like a wall). But it's been worse recently. I've broken two cups, a glass candle holder, a plate, and maybe something else in the last two weeks alone.

I also miss being comfortable sometimes, which I know is going to just get worse.

Symptoms: The indigestion is much better, thank goodness, especially when I'm careful of what I eat. (Thanksgiving, not so good.) My belly is clearly expanding, if you want to call that a symptom. I'm congested lots, but that's no big deal. And.... if you really want to know... well, let's just say I've bought some nursing bra inserts. Apparently that's a sign I'll make lots of milk, something I've NEVER thought about before in my life. Ha. How embarassing, but better than the alternative embarrasment!

Things People Say: "Enjoy this part. It's all really hard after this." That was my favorite "encouraging" comment EVER. Gee, thanks. "Mrs. C, I didn't realize that you were going to get that big." Fantastic. And I'm not even to the largest part yet. "You are such a cute preggers!" Nice, but I don't really want to be called a "preggers," thank you.

But, to be fair, lots of people say lots of really nice things and do really nice things. Yesterday a woman who works in the office (and I was her TA when I was in high school) brought me a cute little blue stuffed owl she found at a craft fair. Lots of moms have told me that they loved having little boys, and that their relationship is something special. Several people have commiserated that being pregnant wasn't always their most favorite part, which is nice to hear so I don't feel like the abnormal non-mushy Scrooge of pregnant women. And people are genuinely excited for us.

Best Moment(s) This Week: Hearing is little heartbeat on Wednesday and feeling him move. It's reassuring, it's real, and it's simulatenously amazing and terrifying.

Linking up today with some Coffee Company friends. Don't worry. I definitely have my decaf Gingerbread Latte in hand.

This Is Not What I Started To Write

2011-12-06T10:24:00.017-07:00

I am having one of those mornings.

Slept in a little too late but still wanted to have a quiet time, needed to shower anyway, couldn't find my shoes anywhere, didn't want to wake Husband up since he's been working nights, tried to take a cute 23-weeks picture but couldn't get the camera to work well enough and wasted a ton of time doing that, was nearly late to my first class, had to rush around to get ready, class wasn't prepared for what they were supposed to be and were being obnoxious and off-task, have lots of meetings today and no free time, and my check engine light is still on and I realized I can't take the car in today even though I need to get the discount from the people goofing up yesterday when I took it in, called Husband to see if he could do it since he's not working today but it turns out he is, so no car in and little chance of him picking up the house mess.

Frazzled. That's the word I started my quiet time off with as I began to pray, and it's how I've been feeling off an on all morning.

My plan, as foretold by the attempt to take a cute picture of myself, was to do a 23-Week update. It's been a while, I think I look cute today, and I wanted to blog about baby stuff. I had even already titled this post "23 Weeks" when I started typing a few minutes ago.

But I'm feeling this post going in a different direction - my heart is leading me to write other things, instead.

As I prayed that God would quiet my frazzled heart this morning, I asked that He would help me focus on the Big Picture, instead of the little bitty pieces I was worrying about.

Four words came to my mind as I prayed about the Big Picture.

Love.

Obey.

Serve.

Glory.

I opened to a Psalm instead of picking up where I left off in Matthew, and read a passage about all the angels and the earth singing

Glory!

as God's thunder echoed through the world. As God's awesomeness and power were reflected.

God will give strength to his people. God will give peace to his people.

the passage concluded.

And I was struck that the word Glory, a word which I rarely think about and hardly ever use, showed up twice in a mere five minutes.

Glory (n): worshipful praise, honor and thanksgiving
Glory (v): to rejoice proudly
Glorify (v): to make glorious by bestowing honor, praise, or admiration
Glorious (adj): possessing or deserving glory

Instead of Jingle Bells (which is my go-to, autonomatic, whistle in my head song), I've been humming the Glorias of this song.

I'm not one hundred percent sure I know what Glory means, truthfully, despite the definitions above. In my quiet times these last few weeks I have begun to realize that, at least right now, I don't quite get what it means to love God above all else, to be in relationship with Him, to desire nothing more than Him and His kingdom.

Those are hard things to do with someone I can't physically talk to and see and hear. And I'm learning that, while I believe, and I have faith, and this is real to me, I need to know Him more. And as I get to know Him more, I know I'll start to get those things.

Please hear me well. I'm not saying I don't believe, or that my relationship with Him isn't personal and real. I do believe. It is personal, and very real. There have been times I've felt the nearly tangible presence of God. Times where I know I couldn't have made it through without Him.

But in these season of trying to put aside my own self-sufficiency, I am learning that there are a lot of things I need to learn.

I've been pondering. Being Still. Listening. Obedience. Love. Servanthood. And now, Glory.

I'm not completely positive where this is leading, or what God has in store, but I do know this:

Each day I have a quiet time, I think some more about these things. I pray some more. I read some more.

And I get to know Him some more.

Gloria, Oh Gloria.

I think I'll get there.

30 Thankful Days: Day 30

2011-11-30T16:11:00.000-07:00

This is the first time in at least a couple of weeks I've blogged two days in a row. Most of my other 30 Days posts had multiple days worth of thankfulness in them. But, seeing as today is the last day of November, I figured I should post today, and not tomorrow!

Join up with us at Dawn's Good Life. It's encouraging.

Thankful Thing #30:
Movement and Butterflies.

Statement: More and more I can feel the little Peanut moving!
Interpretation of my actual thoughts: He's alive, after all!

Seriously, though, the last few days have resulted in a significant increase of me feeling him moving around in there, which is exciting and extremely bizarre all at the same time. I know now that, over the last several weeks, some of what I thought might be movement probably wasn't, and that some of it was actually him moving.

I mean, if this isn't him moving around a lot, then there is seriously something funky going on with me. :)

What a bizzare feeling, a little baby moving, don't you think? Butterflies doesn't quite explain it. It's not quite bubbles either. Or even poking or prodding. It's just.... weird.

But so cool.

Husband has been trying really hard to feel it, but it's too unpredictable just yet. Even when his hand is on my belly and I feel baby move, he can't. He says it's because the Peanut loves me more already. I'm pretty sure that it's just because Peanut really isn't that big yet, but it's happening to me, so I feel it. But sometimes I tell Husband he's probably right. I mean, who wouldn't love me more? :)

(Lest you think I'm serious, I'm not. Of course Husband is as equally loveable as I am.)

Speaking of hands on the belly, I just have one word.

NO.

This is private property, folks. Perhaps, with permission, I might let someone touch the belly. But don't dare just walk up and touch it, unless you're looking for some drama. My sister-in-law told me that my belly was going to be public property within a few weeks. Husband looked at her and said quite frankly, "well, then in a few weeks, Beth has free reign to start hitting people." LOVE that man. :)

Anyway, I'm thankful for movement. It makes me feel funny and a little mushy, which is not my normal me. It's been all I can do to not stop class and say "hang on, baby's moving!" So far I've persevered and not made any movement announcements, lol, but I can make no promises for the future.

Here's to the Peanut!

I'll probably do a pregnancy update this week, just for those of you who like to see the belly. Strange people that you are. :)

And to many more reasons to be thankful, even though we may not blog about them as often. And a special thanks to Dawn for hosting this thankful linky all month long. Love you D!

30 Thankful Days - Day 29

2011-11-29T16:25:00.001-07:00

Linking up just two more times (providing I remember to do so tomorrow!) to celebrate thankfullness during the month of November. Head over to Dawn's Good Life to join in!

Thankful Thing #28:
Making Time for Quiet Time

Last week I had the chance to spend time with one of my dearest friends, Liz, and share about our lives over a cup of coffee. She and I have known each other for quite a while, and even lived together for a year before Husband and I got married. We pretty much are able to share everything with each other, particularly all things spiritual. Over coffee, I shared that I haven't been very spiritually disciplined recently, while Liz shared that she, on the other hand, had been getting up early (a huge deal for her!) and having a quiet time each morning. As she told me slightly bluntly, if I wanted to be having quiet times, then I needed to do it. As we've said before, "don't talk about it, be about it."

So last week I started having more regular quiet times. I wasn't sure what would happen this week, with school back in session. It's not easy to get up earlier than I do already. But for the last two days, I've gotten up early and come downstairs for a quiet time. They haven't been super long, but they've been good. God's shown up, like He always does, and I'm learning to be still, something I realize I have never done.

Thankful Thing #2:
Making Time for Quiet Time While Sitting Here

Honestly, isn't a nice morning quiet time better when you're sitting in a semi-darkened room that glows with the twinkling lights of the Christmast tree? It's quiet in the early morning, and restful. And the twinkling lights create a soft and warm and welcoming environment. A chance to bask, and be still, and listen, before the chaos of the day starts.

I love my whole house when it's decorated for Christmas (and I'm sure I'll show pictures soon!), but the tree is my absolute favorite part. It makes me happy. And sitting here in the quiet morning, with the lights a-sparkling, is becoming my favorite favorite part of the day.

30 Thankful Days: Day 27

2011-11-27T20:51:00.000-07:00

Coming into the last few days with Dawn at Dawn's Good Life, where we've been counting our way thankfully through the month of November. Join us for the last few days!

Thankful Thing #26
A Clothes Dryer

Sometime at the beginning of the summer, our clothes dryer stopped working. It would run and run and run, but never get hot. We were busy, broke, and I didn't mind channeling my inner-Spaniard and line-drying all our clothes, so for whatever reason, we didn't look into fixing it. We figured it would take more money to repair than would be worth it, so we would save for a new one.

I washed everything in small-ish loads. We hung things on the door, the furnace, the water heater, the clothes horse, and everywhere else possible in the laundry room. I bought fabric softener (a first) to attempt to de-crunch our towels. Laundry couldn't be done in a day, because I had to wait for things to air-dry before I washed the next load. Thus, it usually took two or three days to finish, and then only if I were really diligent and washed the first load early in the morning and hung it right up.

I did this every week, all summer. And didn't mind.

Then school started. And I started to mind, a little. I was more busy, and it was more challenging to get the clothes done in a reasonable amount of time.    And then I started to mind a lot.

A few weeks ago, I declared I was finished. I wanted a dryer, and I didn't care if we bought it for cheap off Craig's List. Never mind brand new, just let me be able to do everything in a day. Let the crunchiness of my clothes go away. Let me be able to wash my quilts.

Husband started emailing people on Craig's List, and then suddenly he had a brilliant thought. If it were just the heating element that were broken, he might be able to replace it himself. On Wednesday, he drove the part down to an appliance repair store, where they confirmed it's brokenness. He purchased a new one (for a fraction of the cost of a dryer!), installed it, and gave it a test run. It worked!

But I didn't believe it until I tried it.....

And it works! I've now washed and DRIED both the comforter that has been on our bed all fall AND the comforter that Ginny adopted as her "bed" a while ago. Hers was REALLY dirty. And now, it's fresh, clean, and DRY.

So excited to do laundry.

At least, for today.

Thankful Thing #27:
My Mom.

My mom is amazing.

Seriously, amazing. I couldn't even begin to explain how amazing she is, and I'm not even really going to try today. I'm just going to tell you about the way she helped me today.

We all agreed it's time I start to wear maternity clothes. I'm getting quite the belly, and things are not starting to fit right. Someone told me to go to Old Navy, because they have cute maternity clothes. We went. They don't anymore (not in stores). I cried.

Perhaps my tears were Mom's first clue that I'm a bit "crazy" about this whole what-I-look-like thing, so she decided we absolutely needed to get me clothes that I would feel good in, and we headed to JC Penney. You know, thinking that it, as a large but reasonably priced department store, would have some cute maternity clothes, right?

Wrong.

Their selection was slim. Frumpy. Not my style. But she helped me pick out a few things and I went to try them on.

And I cried. (Umm, yes, my hormones might have been being a bit out of sorts today).

I felt fat. And I have a confession.

I do not think pregnant women are cute.

I mean, there are some that are more cute than others, but I still don't think they're cute.

Thus, I'm not cute.

Cue confession #2.

I have some body image issues. I usually do really well with them. God and my mom helped me work through the worst of them during college, and I rarely think about them or have them affect me. But now I'm pregnant, and gaining weight, and getting quite the belly.

And something about trying on maternity clothes just made me feel fat. And not cute. And I cried. (It was almost as bad as the time we went bathing suit shopping after eating at Outback.)

But Mom kept affirming me and telling me I needed to get some pieces that I could feel good in. And so, even though she has tons to do to get ready for school this week (she's a choir teacher who has a concert on Friday), she took me to Target to find a few more things so I could have some mix-and-match outfits. She scoured their also very small maternity section and kept bringing me pieces she thought I might like, kept affirming me, and kept telling me what worked and didn't.    I didn't cry at Target, but the tears were just there, lurking behind my eyes.

Several outfit combos later and a fair amount of money, we were done. We have some things I think I actually like, and some things I think will grow on me (no pun intended, lol). On our way out of the store, Mom bought me a Decaf Gingerbread Latte to take home with me, because she knew that I needed that, too. A little bit of my always-happy drink makes things much better, and she wanted me to feel better.

And I do, a little. I'm tired. It's draining, feeling fat and ugly and crying in department store fitting rooms.

But I feel really glad, and extremely thankful, for a mom who gets me, gets what I need, and still, even after all this time, does what it takes to take care of me.

All I can say is, it's a good thing this little boy is going to have her for a grandma. He's spoiled.

Note. I am not even beginning to do justice to this post, to the emotion of the shopping trip, or to the absolute heart and amazingness of my mom, but I'm tired. And emotional.   But I wanted to acknolwedge how much I love my mom and how thankful I am for her, so I'm writing anyway.

30 Thankful Days - Day 25

2011-11-25T10:24:00.001-07:00

On this Friday, often called "Black," I take the opportunity to be thankful for all the things that are wonderful and worth pausing to remember. Join me as I link up with my friend Dawn on the final stretch of 30 Thankful Days.

Pictures to be added when I get batteries for my camera or get pictures from my sister. :)

Thankful Thing #22:
A Week Where I Don't Have to Be on the Computer
This is the longest I haven't posted during these 30 Thankful Days, but it's because I haven't been on my computer. During the regular school week, I'm online every day. A lot of my lesson plans are on my computer, I get about a bazillion work emails a day, and when I come home, I have to do some work for online class. So I'm on the computer often. I check Facebook (I don't FB stalk much, though), I email some, and I read blogs or blog (in addition to all the other "real work" stuff I do on the computer).
But this week, I haven't turned on the computer at all. Today, in fact, was the first day I did so. Monday I did school work, but I graded physical papers. Tuesday I cleaned the house. Wednesday I hung out with a friend and helped my mom do some pre-cooking. And yesterday we celebrated friends and family with delicious food.   And while I do have online work to do this weekend, there wasn't a routine that required me to get on the computer.

And I love it. (Back to reality coming soon, sigh.)

Thankful Thing #23:
A Clean House.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE a clean and organized house. My camera batteries are dead, and I have no others, or else I would show you how almost every room in my house was deep cleaned this week. It's awesome. I dusted on and around and under. I cleaned tubs and toilets and mirrors. I did the laundry AND put it all away. I scrubbed and scraped and vacuumed everywhere. I put all "the stuff" where it goes, instead of somewhere "convenient."

It's lovely.

It brings me peace of mind, joy, happiness. A place to feel comfortable, safe, and as if, indeed, it is my sanctuary.  I was just thinking the other day that it's been a while since I thought about home as a sanctuary, and I want to be mindful of that, especially as we think about bringing the peanut home in less than 5 months.

I will soon (within a few days, if not today) be putting up my Christmas decorations, which I will surely post, because those make me happy happy happy. Those PLUS a clean house - well, I may take next week off, too, just to bask in my delight at my home.

Thankful Thing # 24:
Traditions and Thanksgiving Itself.
I LOVE Thanksgiving.

Years ago I was laughed at by some friends when I said I consider Thanksgiving to be the beginning of Christmas. I mean, isn't it? It's a day marked be set aside for choosing thankfulness, and Christmas is the season for the same thing, to remember and choose thankfulness and joy as we celebrate the miracle of God's love for us.
As long as I can remember, my grandparents came over and my mom and grandma would cook, while my grandpa, dad, sister and I would set up the tree and decorate. I've started to help Mom do some of the cooking, and Sister has taken over the outside lights with Dad, but Sister, Husband, Grandpa, and I still do the tree.

This year we did the tree and decorations on Wednesday, since there were going to be 12 of us over for dinner on Thursday. Husband has officially taken over as the tree man. He set it up, did the lights, and "fluffed" the branches so well that our fake Christmas tree looks the absolute best it ever has. I helped Mom a lot with the food ,and then Sister and I did the ornaments - Grandpa helped a bit. He's old (96) - it's good for him to do a few ornaments, but we'd rather him not be reaching up high on the tree.

I spent half the morning at the house helping with the final details, and then our "famiy" all came over.    My immediate family - Husband, Mom, Dad, Sister, and Grandpa. Husband's mom and mom's friend from Nebraska, Husband's sister. Our close family friends Christina and her son Christian, and Christina's sister Bev. They pretty much belong to us.

We ate. Turkey. Mashed Potatoes, Sweet Potatoes, Asparagus Casserole, Vegetable Casserole, two kind of Stuffing, Broccoli with yummy sauce, Cranberries. Pumpkin Pie, Chocolate Pie, Apple Pie. Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookies. There was Pumpkin Ale, Moscato, Pinot Noir, Coffee... (and water for me). It was a delicous feast - we were belly-full and laughter-full.

And then we did my favorite Thanksgiving tradition.

Thankful Thing #25:
A Muppet Christmas Carol

If you haven't seen this movie, you should. It's probably one of the best versions of the Christmas Carol out there, complete with the added bonus of Muppet humor. Michael Caine as Scrooge is AMAZING. We have every song memorized. We know almost all the lines. Husband has the uncanny ability to quote the Muppets and sound JUST like them.
It makes us QUITE happy. And it fits the sentiment of Thanksgiving and Christmas just perfectly, I think.

I'll leave you with the lyrics to my favorite song, sung by my favorite Ghost - the Ghost of Christmas Present.

With a thankful heart, with an endless joyWith a growing family, every girl and boy
Will be nephew and niece to me (Nephew and niece to me)
Will bring love, hope and peace to me (Love, hope and peace to me)
Yes and every night will end, and every day will start

With a greatful prayer and a thankful heart

With an open smile and with open doorsI will bid you welcome, what is mine is yours

With a glass raised to toast your health (With a glass raised to toast your health)

And a promise to share the wealth (Promise to share the wealth)

I will sail a friendly course, file a friendly chart

On A sea of love and a thankful heart

Life is like a jouney, who knows when it ends?

Yes and if you need to know the measure of a man

You simply count his friends

Stop and look around you, the glory that you see

Is born again each day, don't let is slip away

How precious life can be

With a thankful heart that is wide awake

I do make this promise, every breath I take

Will be used now to sing your praise (Used now to sing your praise)

And to beg you to share my days (Beg you to share my days)

With a loving guarantee that even if we part

I will hold you close in a thankful heart

30 Thankful Days - Day 21

2011-11-21T14:20:00.000-07:00

Thankful Thing #19:

Husband passed his test! He is now a licensed Journeyman Electrician! It is so exciting to see him feeling a sense of accomplishment and being proud of himself - as he should be!

He called a few hours after I wrote my post Friday to tell me the news, and even though Student Council and I were hustling and bustling around on a big project (see Thing #20), I stopped to answer the phone and was so excited and proud of him I nearly cried.

While this license means a few more dollars an hour, it more importantly represents Husband's hard work, perseverance, and growth over the last few years. I'm so proud to be the wife of a Journeyman. :)

Thankful Thing #20:
A Student Council who Cares.

For the last month or so, Student Council has been working their behinds off planning the annual food drive we do the two weeks before Thanksgiving Break in conjunction with a city-wide food drive.

We've participated in Harvest of Love for as long as I have been at our school, and some years have been more successful than others. A few years ago we had a Council that was determined to do it right, and because of their creativity and fresh ideas, we went from raising 8,000 lbs of food the previous year to 80,000. It was amazing. Since then, we've usually pulled in 30 - 40,000 lbs of food each year. The economy has been hard. Those Councils weren't as passionate. We didn't come up with new ideas. Whatever the reason, we hadn't been able to hit that 80,000 lbs again.

Until this year.

I'm pretty passionate about this topic. I'm wealthy, by all standards, but Husband and I sometimes eat cereal for dinner for a week to save money. I haven't had to make the choices many families make - we've always paid our mortgage, our utilities, had food. But many families have to choose. And many, many kids in our city go without food often.   And that should never happen.

So I talked to my Executive Council (the five kids who pretty much run the Council). We did this amazing activity together (http://playspent.org) to catch a glimpse of what the choices people face are. We brainstormed. And they agreed they that cared. That they wanted to do this right.

So they talked to Student Council. We all did the activity. We talked for a long time about WHY we would want to do this right. We had a speaker from the food bank. They understood that if they weren't passionate about it, then the rest of our school wouldn't be, either. That if we are more excited and put more thought and preparation into Homecoming than into this, then we have our priorities seriously mixed up.

And we planned. We made videos, like this one.

We went to each homeroom and we did the playspent activity with them. We taught our students about why we were doing this. We had a neon dance, a dodgeball tournament, a Senior Sibling Day, boys vs girls competitions, themed spirit days with matching dress up and food items, and more.

And we raised about 80,000 lbs of food again. Our goal was 70,000. We didn't think we could double our normal, but we were wrong. Because we cared, others cared. Several of my students went above and beyond and did things on their own.   We saw and felt generosity that surpassed previous years. One autistic boy went door to door in his neighborhood and got his neighbors to give him their change. He collected $150.

80,000 lbs of food.   According to the way the food bank can run things, that means that our school contributed to providing 560,000 meals. 560,000 people can eat because of my students.

I am so proud of them. And so excited to be a part of a group of teenagers who care. I told you they did.

Thankful Thing #21:
Food.

And, with the people we fed in Thankful Thing #20 on my mind and heart, I am thankful for food.
Yes, sometimes we eat cereal for lunch and dinner for a few days. But we have a pantry full of food. We waste food sometimes. We get take-out at least once a week. We're rich with food.

I remember talking to my friend Brooke a while back about the idea that so often, we eat as if we're never going to eat again. We stuff ourselves to the point of feeling sick, because we paid for it, it's on our plates, or for whatever other reason. We don't enjoy, don't savor. We just eat and keep eating.

What if I were to remember that, at this point in my life, I am fortunate enough to not have to worry about my next meal? What if I were to only eat what I really need, and to savor each bite? What if I were to be thankful, instead of wasteful?

Just thinking "out loud."

I know I'm blessed. I have lots of choices when it comes to what I eat. I don't have to pick from whatever canned veggies people felt like donating.   On Thursday, I'll be eating all my Thanksgiving favorites, instead of scraping together a dinner with what I can find.

I don't feel guilty.

But I do feel thankful. And I want to try to remember that each and every time I eat something.

30 Thankful Days - Day 18

2011-11-18T08:11:00.001-07:00

Here we are, over half way through the month, less than a week away from Thanksgiving. (woohoo!) Celebrate all that you have to be thankful about with my friend Dawn and others over at Dawn's Good Life.

Thankful Thing #16:
Friday.

Okay, I know I posted that I was thankful for Fridays last Friday, but really, my thankfulness for Fridays is a renewable source each week. And this Friday is different. This Friday is special.

This Friday means we get a week off from school for Thanksgiving Break. Hallelujiah, can I get an Amen?

We don't get many days off first semester. We get Labor Day - but we were only in school for a few weeks at that point. We get a day off in October - but we had to work the two previous evenings for parent-teacher conferences. We get any snow days that might occur (one this year!).

And then finally the week of Thanksgiving comes around, and there is a whole week, just for us. Afterwards, we have a mad rush to the end - two weeks of classes and one week of final exams - and then another break.

But this break, this break is necessary. We're all tired, we're a bit cranky, but more importantly, we're ready for a break. We need that break.

And I'm excited - I LOVE Thanksgiving. But I will tell you about that another day soon.

So thank you thank you thank you, Friday.

Thankful Things #17 & #18:
Opportunity and Husband's Perseverance.

Husband loves his Peppermint Mocha almost as much as I love the GBL... but not quite.

Today Husband takes the exam to receive his license as a Journeyman Electrician. This has been a long road, and I'm praying that he passes today on the first shot. He needs the boost, I think. Husband has been in the field for 7 or 8 years, but is not licensed yet. He started in Residential, took the Wireman's test a few times, but could never quite pass. School was never easy for Husband - he just didn't learn how to learn or study, and we're pretty sure he has ADD and never learned the tools to work with that.

A little over 4 years ago, the best thing ever happened to Husband - he got laid off from the residential job. And then got hired at a commercial company, which immediately enrolled him into a four year trade school.

Husband went to class once a week for four hours nearly every week for four years. He's switched companies a couple of times due to lay-offs and economic struggles, but he stayed at that school, learned to study, learned to take tests, learned to be a student. And in May, he graduated with Honors. We were quite proud.

Today he takes the BIG test. It's hard. Full of code, calculations, and other stuff I don't understand. He's been studying for weeks. Taking practice exams online. Working on the things he doesn't do as well.

Either way, this test marks an opportunity for us.

A chance for Husband to see his hard work pay off (I hope!!), or a chance for him to learn that sometimes failure is a way to grow even more. A chance for him to remember that he isn't doing this to get more money, to provide for his family, or to move up in the ranks (although those are all good things), but that for now, God has called him to be an electrician and serve Him in that way, and a license gives Husband more opportunity to do that, whenever he earns it.

I'm really proud of my husband. If he fails today, I'm still going to be super proud, because the man I met more than 6 years ago would never have spent quiet, solitary hours in a room alone studying and practice tests for the last two weeks. He's worked so hard. He's persevered.

And of course, if (when, he would say) he passes today, we're going to have a BIG celebration. Nevermind budget concerns - this deserves a party!

I'm thankful, truly thankful, for the opportunity this test brings to us, but mostly, I'm thankful for the man I married, for the ways he's grown and changed even in the last couple of years, and for his perseverance.

He's amazing.

30 Thankful Days - Day 15

2011-11-15T18:39:00.002-07:00

I'm going at about an every other day average here, with my 30 Thankful Days, but honestly, if you consider how often I blog, that's pretty darn fantastic! Join in with Dawn and others to share what we're thankful for and learn from each other how to express our gratitude.

Thankful thing #14 and #15.
My Job.
and My Students.

I LOVE my job. Truly love it. I think I like it about 90% of the time, if not more. No, I don't love getting up early since school starts at 7:20 am, but I do love being out by 3. And no, I don't love grading, but it's a necessary evil if I want my students to learn.

What I really love are my students. They are amazing.

Don't doubt this next generation, friends.

Sure, there are more and more problems, and the world is a scary place, and many teens are entitled, selfish, self-centered, and un-aware. But give them a chance. Who are their role models? Snookie? "The Situation?" Puh-lease. Do you blame them for being entitled, selfish, and un-aware? I don't.

In fact, I've learned, that when given the chance, teens will almost always rise to the occasion. They want to be somebody, to do something big and good, to make a difference. They want to listen, but they need to be listened to first. They want to help, but sometimes they have to be helped first. They want to care, but they need to be cared about first.

And I love doing that. I love listening, helping, caring. I love teaching them that the world is bigger than they are (Spanish teacher and Leadership teacher), but that can truly make a difference in whatever ways they can dream. I don't mind holding them accountable when they need to be held accountable - that's part of the job, too - and being a little "mean" sometimes. But when you're strict but it's obvious it's because you care, they tend to get it... eventually.

Coming to work is almost never a drag to me. I'm always behind because I always have students in my room, but I don't mind. They learn from me, and I learn from them.

And they're so funny. They care about me, too. About teachers, I mean. If given the chance to care, they care. I have a whole slew of high school boys and girls who are seriously invested in my life and my son. They want to know everything. They want to be involved. They want to be a part of what I know.

Because, you see, they want to be a part of anything they can be, and they hope it's good. They don't want to be left on the outside, looking in. They want to be active, involved, together. Sometimes the only people that will "take" them are the ones who encourage them down a path that might not be so good - but the need to be involved, to be a part of something, is great. And so they go. But give them the chance to go another way? To be involved somewhere else? To have people? They'll get there, eventually.

Somebody has to give them the chance first. Somebody has to believe in them, to trust in them, to provide them with the opportunity. But they want to be good, to do amazing things, to be important for good reasons.

Don't doubt them, friends.

And so, I love my students. Even the "bad" ones.

And I love my job. Because getting to be with and interact with and teach and learn from these amazing young people is so worthwhile. Because not a day goes by where I don't laugh and laugh and laugh at something that's been said. Because watching students have a moment where they "click" with something - be it something we're learning in Spanish, be it a life lesson, be it a leadership strategy - makes every other piece - the grading, the meetings, the politics- all completely worth it.

I hope you like your job and the people with whom you work even half as much as I do.... because if you do, you're probably pretty content!

30 Thankful Days - Day 13

2011-11-13T17:31:00.000-07:00

This month I'm joining my friend Dawn for 30 Thankful Days. Many I know have taken the challenge to be intentional about being thankful for 30 days, be it via a blog or via Facebook, and each time I read their posts or statuses, I am reminded of all for which there is to be thankful.

It's interesting, though. Right now I'm in my comfy's on the couch, doing some online work. Husband and I stayed home today. We did laundry and actually put it away, we cleaned a little, I got some grading done, he cleaned the horse pen out at my parents. We relaxed, I actually cooked a meal. I read a book, he played video games. He's gone to youth group now, and I'll finish up with my online work. And I thought, well, I didn't blog yesterday about my thankful thing, so I have two to do to catch up.

And suddenly I felt pressure. Pressure to come up with something great to write about, worried that my post won't be as good as they could be, because I don't have any fun pictures to include or any inspiration at the moment.

And then I'm reminded. That's not the point, now, is it? What I am thankful for today doesn't have to be deep and meaningful, or funny and light-hearted, or accompanied by pictures.

The point is to be intentional about choosing thankfulness, every day. And not just for these 30 days, but every day, for always.

So here are my honest, normal, nothing-amazing-but-wonderful-to-me thankful things.

Thankful Thing #12:
Leggings.

And of course, that's clip art. My belly looks nothing like that, clearly.

I now own three pairs of Danskin leggings, and I wear them all the time when I'm at home. They are the most comfortable things on the planet, I think. I never thought of myself as a legging person, but a few months ago I bought a pair and now I own three. I don't suspect I'll be one of those pregnant women who wears leggings as pants in public, but I'm quite content to wear them as my comfy pants at home. Like right now. :)

Thankful Thing #13:
DVR.

Last year, Husband came home and announced he'd signed us up for Direct TV, which was funny/annoying, because we'd been talking about canceling our cable... not signing us up for something with a contract. But what was done was done, and so, while it wasn't quite what I'd expected, I went with it.

And now, I'm so thankful. Because Direct TV comes automatically with DVR, which we'd never had before, and I can record everything I want to and watch it on my own time, when I am free, when I need to be brainless, when I need background noise for grading. It's lovely. Particularly as the holiday season approaches, because I love love love watching silly holiday movies all about Christmas miracles and magic and love (which, by the way, drive Husband crazy). DVR is my favorite.

So, as promised, nothing ground-breaking, exciting, or even all that interesting.

But as I'm currently wearing my Danskin leggings and watching a show I DVR-ed as I work, I'd say I'm pretty happy.

And thankful.

30 Thankful Days - Day 11

2011-11-11T09:26:00.000-07:00

Linking up with my friend Dawn and others at Dawn's Good Life to celebrate the things we are thankful for this month. Head on over there to read and to share your own thoughts, too.

Wednesday and Thursday were both pretty fast-moving days with little to no time to blog, so today I'm going to be thankful for three things.

Thankful Thing #9:
Fridays.

I am particularly thankful that today is Friday. This, for some reason, felt like a long and full week, even though it by far was not one of the busiest weeks I've had recently. Granted, we are in the middle of our major food drive, and this year's StuCo is being AMAZING and working so hard to get things done, and we did have a massive dodgeball tournament last night, and today we have our Veteran's Day assembly.... but it really hasn't been that busy. Still, I woke up very tired this morning, starting to feel a little like I'm getting a cold, and with a large pile of papers to grade that I neglected during the course of the week. I'm so thankful for Friday, and so thankful that tonight I have some freedom in what I choose to do (stay home, go to the football game, whatever!) and that this weekend, minus a breakfast date tomorrow morning and something in the evening, the majority of the weekend is mine to rest, read, and get all those papers graded. I'm not saying I had a bad or even a hugely busy week, but I'm tired.

So thank the good Lord for Fridays.

Thankful Thing #10:
Where I live.

I just love living here. It's beautiful and makes me happy. This morning these were the views I was blessed to see on my drive to work- forgive the not great quality of the pictures - for some, I was pulled over in the parking lot at Starbucks (getting my Friday Gingerbread Latte!!!!!) and for some, I stopped in a turn lane while no one was behind me.

Oh, lovely place I live.

Thankful Thing #11:
BGD Day.

Wednesday, you may have read, was BGD Day, or as I was calling it, Boy, Girl, or Dead Day. Husband and I headed over to the doctor's office for the first appointment of the day and met with the ultrasound tech to have our "Fetal Anatomay Survey." I was pretty nervous, because I am crazy, but Husband was calm and happy and just a faithful stable presence.

You may have guessed it, but Baby C was not dead. Right away the tech showed me the heartbeat to allay my fears. My sense of relief was intense, although almost immediately followed by "so what is wrong with him/her?" We had a laugh about that, because the tech (who was so nice and friendly) was telling us just moments before that many women (including herself, when she was pregnant) go through those same emotions. It was ironic how quickly I switched gears, but this fear was much less great than the previous.

Baby C was facing my back most of the time, so we never got a great shot of the profile, but she was able to clearly tell two things from the very-detailed and thorough ultrasound:

Thing 1: Baby C, so far, looks wonderful, is growing in all the right ways in all the right places, and appears to be very healthy. Yeay! When the doctor looked at all the data afterword, she was very encouraging also.

Thing 2:

Husband is very excited. I found this picture of him (it's actually when he climbed his 1st 14-er this summer) and thought it was just perfect.

I'm excited, too. I had decided on Tuesday that he was probably a boy, so I wasn't too surprised. I have always sort of imagined me as having girls, since I just have one sister and my two closest cousins are also girls, but I think I'll figure the boy thing out. Eventually.

I'm really thankful that my son (oh my goodness) is healthy, alive, and growing. I'm thankful for a doctor who told me I can come in any time I want to listen to the heartbeat. I'm thankful for a husband who supports me through all my crazy and loves me and our son (still weird!) more than most anything.

Oh, thankfulness abounds.

30 Thankful Days - Day 8

2011-11-08T08:08:00.000-07:00

Head on over to Dawn's Good Life to read about what others are thankful for today, and to share your thoughts as well. It's pretty encouraging to read what people are choosing to be thankful for - a good reminder of the choice we actually have!

Thankful Thing #8:

Tomorrow.

That's right. Today, I'm thankful for tomorrow.

I could go into the deeper meaning of that statement, if I wanted, and talk about how wonderful it is that there's always tomorrow, a new day, a fresh start, a chance to do things the way you wanted to do them today. And I am sincerely thankful for that kind of tomorrow.... I've journaled many times about how amazing new mornings are, how refreshing for the soul.

But today, I'm literally thankful for tomorrow, November 9th.

Because I have a doctor's appointment, and I've been dying to go for the last two weeks.

And this isn't just a regular doctor's appointment. This is a check-to-make-sure-baby-is-doing-okay-and-is-healthy appointment and a find-out-if-Baby C-is-a-girl-or-a-boy appointment.

A.MA.ZING.

Last night the doctor's office called to say that my doctor had something come up for our scheduled time tomorrow afternoon and that they had rescheduled me for an 8:30 am appointment. Well, as a teacher, that doesn't really work for me. It's not exactly a job where you can say, "I have an appointment - I'll work an extra hour later today to make up for it." So when I called back, the receptionist told me that the next available appointment wasn't until late next week.

"I'll be there at 8:30," I said. I may be much more calm now and less convinced that something is definitely wrong, but I'm not about to wait another week to hear that little baby's heartbeat. I need to know everything is okay, and I need to know soon. Call me crazy, I don't care. So I've found someone to cover my class at that time, and off to the doctor I'll go tomorrow morning at 8:30.

I wrote in my journal this thought this morning:

"I've been joking that tomorrow is 'BGD Day' - Boy, Girl, or Dead Day. I realize that's awful, but it's like if, in my head, I think that by acknowledging it, if it were to be true, it would hurt less. Which I know is false. But still, it's easier to say that. I know I'm not always gracious when people talk to me about baby-things - partly because I don't like being the center of attention in that way, and partly because I feel worried that things won't work out, and I don't want to be too involved or have others too involved. I know I need to work on that, because the last thing I want people to think is that I'm not excited, because I am. I'm just also a bit of a not job. I need to not allow my fear and worry to steal my joy."

So, today, while I'm a little nervous for tomorrow, I'm also very, very thankful that it's here (nearly) and that we'll get to see the little peanut again, and hear his/her heartbeat, and know who he/she is.

Now I just need to remember to live today fully, too, instead of just waiting on tomorrow.

30 Thankful Days - Day 7

2011-11-07T10:12:00.000-07:00

Perhaps you've been thinking about how Thanksgiving is right around the corner and begun to plan your menu (I know my mom and I have started!) - but let's take a minute to think about what we're giving thanks for first! Join me at my friend Dawn's blog to share the things for which we're thankful.

Thankful Thing #7:

Laughter.

I just had a former student come into my room for a few minutes to chat. Within moments we were laughing hysterically and, perhaps, so loudly that the class next door could hear us. It reminded me that laughter is indeed something to be thankful for.

Did you know that your body can't tell the difference between real laughter and fake laughter? So if you're ever in need of a little mood-boost, start laughing. Your body will get the endorphins either way. Plus, I've found that usually, you start laughing for real, anyway.

I love it when you start laughing at something, then laugh because of your laugh, then laugh because you're laughing about your laugh. And when you're laughing so hard your face starts to hurt. And the tears start coming out your eyes. It's just good for the soul.

My sister and my husband are usually the two people who can get me going the most.... and really, no one holds a candle to my sister. She and I can laugh for hours. More than once (and even recently) we've heard our mom holler up the stairs (or over the phone) "what's so funny???" because we are just laughing, laughing, laughing. We laugh at everything together. And husband, well, he's pretty darn funny... so I can't help but laugh with him, either.

My sister told me a story the other day where she and her first grade class laughed for a good 15 minutes. Why? They had no idea. Some kid started giggling, and then couldn't explain why, and the whole class, including my sister, joined in, and they just laughed. They'd start to get under control, and then someone would laugh again and the whole class would be off and running. Instructional value? None. But important for the class to do together? Absolutely. Laughter brings people together.

The last time I laughed that hard was a few weeks ago at the State Student Council conference, where we heard this speaker. This video does not even begin to show you how funny this guy is in person, and how much we were all laughing. I was literally crying, especially when he did the sections on notes parents send to school to excuse their children. Unlike in this video, it was one after the other, and man, we were all just roaring!

And, of course, we've all seen this type of video, but who can resist a laughing baby?

Laughter is, plain and simple, a gift to be enjoyed whenever and as often as possible. I hope you find something to laugh about today, to truly laugh, a deep, belly-shaking, tear-producing, cheek-hurting laugh, and may it be with someone you are glad to spending time with.

30 Thankful Days - Day 6

2011-11-06T08:21:00.000-07:00

My friend Dawn is hosting a monthly link party for everyone and anyone to share their thankful things each day (or some days, as the case may be). Head on over and join in!

Honestly, I'm pretty impressed with myself for how frequently I've blogged in the last few weeks, so I'm not letting myself feel too guilty for not posting on Friday or Saturday. Friday I was at school until nearly midnight because we hosted our annual Night of Neon mostly-techno, yes to glowsticks, all for the food drive dance, and yesterday I read a book, went to a football game, and prepared a children's church lesson, none of which involved the computer. Of course, I was thankful on Friday AND on Saturday, and I'm thankful today, too.

Thankful Thing #4:

Sleeping In. And sleeping in general.

It seems that as I've gotten older and had more "important" things to do in my life, I cherish my sleep more. I've always been the person who, once I'm up, I'm up and I'm cheery about it, but I'm finding that I like to sleep more and more. That initial get out of bed phase takes a bit longer. So the chance to sleep well, and deeply, is a blessing. I woke up on Friday morning thinking how much I like to sleep, and our bed (while not perfectly made), is SO comfy. Behind all those other pillows is large body pillow towards the back - it's my new best sleeping friend. And on Saturday, as I was able to sleep until 8:30, I was reminded how thankful I am for mornings where I have no actual agenda and can sleep in for a while. Sleep is a wonderful invention, God.

A side note. I am not excited about people telling me, "enjoy sleep now while you can." Yes, people, I get that when the peanut comes, I can kiss sleeping goodbye. But you sort of ruin my delicious sleeping now by warning of my future. :)

Thankful Thing #4:

My little immediate family.

This was our Saturday morning (after I finally got up and Husband had gone to the gym).

The dog entertained us for about 15 minutes with antics like these. First she was sitting on the bed looking out, watching the neighbor come in. You could see her confusion as the neighbor disappeared into the house on the left - she looked towards where he should be, but of course, that is inside our house. Then she jumped down and climbed on the window, as you see her here, and stood that way for several minutes, observing. She's so funny.

Yesterday was the Air Force/Army game and the Nebraska/Northwestern game. I grew up watching Air Force and Husband, being from Lincoln, is of course a die-hard Huskers fan. (We've both adopted the other team, also, although I think I am more of a Huskers fan now than he is a Falcon fan.) Anyway, I was heading to the AFA/Army game with my dad and sister, and Husband was heading to his dad's to watch the Nebraska game. We just thought we were both so cute in our little jerseys.

It's the little things, like my dog being super curious, or my husband and I being silly, that make me happy. I'm sure I'll do a post on Husband himself sometime during these 30 days.

And... Thankful Thing #6:

Time Spent with my Sister Being Silly.

At the beginning of the game, while we were still warm-ish.

So... Cuba Gooding Jr. was there, but my camera was buried in my pocket, and then it has this weird delay, so..... I tried a bunch to get a picture of him, but I mostly failed. There's a lady who got a picture of him, though.

See him there? He's holding his coat over his arms? Yeah, that's him.

That's him with his back to us as he made his way around again. He did totally look at us, but I couldn't get the picture fast enough. Becca and I were just dying.

And he walked up the aisle to our left to get to the press boxes, I assume.... but all I have here are pictures of people taking picutres of Cuba. :)

Becca, as we waited for pretzels and hot chocolate.

Both of us in line. Do you like my sunglasses on top of my ear-warmer thing? I think I'm pretty stylish.

Just a bit cold... and something not happy had happened in the game.

Reversal! Something exciting!

My turn to be cold. And yes, that is a Husker's blanket. It's cozy.

At the end of the game. Not quite as cute and warm as when we started.

Hanging out with my sister almost ALWAYS brings me joy and usually, side-splitting laughter. It's pretty fun having a best friend who's always gonna be around. She's the best, and the best days are when we're just silly, like we were most of the game yesterday.

30 Thankful Days - Day 3

2011-11-03T07:59:00.000-06:00

Day 3 of 30 Thankful Days! If you have a post to share, link up over at Dawn's Good Life. It's pretty fun and good for the heart to read about what others are thankful for.

Since I missed Day 1, I decided I'm going to post about TWO things today, both of which bring me great joy and happiness. Ready?

Thankful "Thing" #1:

Ginny, the best puppy-friend ever. Yesterday she was pretty excited to stay home with me all day. She spent most of the day sleeping curled up on the couch or asking me to play, but was completely enthralled when the men from the HOA came to shovel our walkways.

She's VERY curious. And very active, very involved, and very, very sweet. She's the best cuddle puppy ever. We pretty much can't imagine what life would be like without her. She waits patiently for an invitation onto the couch with you (although, if you take too long, she might grunt a little, kind of like the Angry Birds pigs do). She love love loves it if you invite her onto the bed, because that's a rare treat. She wants to play with you whenever you're willing, and she loves it when you put your tennis shoes on, because she thinks it might be time to go for a walk. She loves to run around with the "big dogs" at Mom and Dad's (two Siberian huskies) and play until they are all exhausted. She loves to lay in the sunshine, but is getting more interested in the snow (although she won't ever like it as much as the big dogs do). And she loves to be with us, wherever we are.

Someone asked us if we were going to get rid of her when the peanut comes. Are you kidding? That would be like losing a family member. We're convinced she's going to be a GREAT big sister. She makes us happy.

Thankful Thing #2:

Okay, if you know me at all, or have been reading my blog for a while, you should be able to guess what thing that only comes around this time of year makes me extremely, ridiculously, excitedly, joyously, just plain happy....

The Gingerbread Latte. In a Christmas cup, no less.

Here's my actual first one this morning:

I loved the cups last year with the little carolers and people, but this cup sums up the truth quite well. Any day with a GBL is a snow day. A little bit of heaven. As I explain to my students or other people who think I'm nuts, it's really truly like God's little personal gift to me, Beth. Happiness overtakes me with every sip, every whiff of it's delicious aroma.

Mmm. Deliciousness. Happiness.

I know it might be silly to be thankful for a cup of coffee, but that's me. I really feel like it's a little gift for me each time I drink one. No matter the mood, a Gingerbread Latte lifts my spirits, reminds me of what's good, that it's all in His hands, and that He cares about me.

And yes, I might be obsessed. (You can read about my love for GBLs here and here if you really want to grasp the depth of how I feel. I can measure how long I've been a blogger in how many years I've posted on GBLs, lol.

A quick story, before I go to class. (We have a 7 period chaotic day today, insted of our normal 4 period block, due to yesterday's snow day.) It was years ago that my BFF Caroline, my cousin, introduced me to the Gingbread Latte. Caroline is exactly five months older than I am, to the day, and we grew up seeing each other at least once a year, but usually more often, as our families are close friends (our moms are sisters). It was like having a built in best friend my entire life, and it hasn't changed a bit. We're now both 29, and when we get to see each other, we laugh, we cry, we have fun. Caroline is expecting her first baby in just over a month, and when she called to tell me she was pregnant, she told me I had five months to join her to keep the tradition going. Mission accomplished. Within 3 - 4 months of her baby boy joining the family, I'll bring the peanut home, too.

Wait, this wasn't the point of the story.

Yesterday she texted to me that she'd just ordered her first GBL of the season (we had a laugh, as the barista called her "mamacita.") This morning I texted her to tell her that I was drinking my first - and immediately had a response saying she was drinking one too.... so we enjoyed a moment of "having GBLs together," despite the many, many states and time zones between us.

GBL Love. You just can't contain it.

30 Thankful Days, Day 2 (But 1 for me)

2011-11-02T08:07:00.000-06:00

One of my favorite friends, in real life and blog life, Dawn, is sharing something she's thakful for every day this month, and has invited me and you and anyone else to link up with her and share what we're thankful for, too. Now, if you know me at all, you know I'm not the most faithful daily blogger, but I'm going to do my best. Joining in on choosing thankfullness sounds like a good idea to me!

Today, I'm thankful for unexpected snow days.

Last week everyone expected us to have a snow day on Wednesday - it was going to be a big, big storm. But it wasn't. And we didn't even get a two-hour delay. Oh, the disappointment abounded. I had already gone through my normal mental preparation for the probablility that we wouldn't get a day off, so I wasn't as upset. But my students? Oh, so sad.

So yesterday, with another storm forecast for today, students hoped again. This time, though, the storm wasn't predicted to be nearly as bad, so I didn't even entertain the idea of getting a day off. I was confident we wouldn't, so instead of waking up every few hours wondering if I'd get a call, I slept, like any other normal night.

And at 4:30, the phone rang. And not with news of a delay, but of a complete and total cancellation. What surprising joy!

I slept until 7 (when I would normally be at school), got up, made some coffee, read. After I blog, I'll spend some time doing some much needed catch-up work, but at a pace I set, with my PJs and comfy-s on, and the dog curled up on the couch beside me.

Oh, unexpected snow day. I love you.

It's a day to do things I need to do without feeling guilty about doing them, where no one else has any expectations of me, where I am allowed to be as productive or as lazy as I choose to be.

It's a chance to sleep-in, to breathe, to rest, in the midst of a busy week, a busy life. A chance to do so without the standard pressures that a normal day requires. A chance to be. To be however I want to be.

What I am thankful for today? The gift of a snow day.

The gift of a day off.

18 Weeks and Other Fall Things

2011-10-31T08:31:00.004-06:00

If you happened over here on Friday, you probably read about my high levels of anxiety. If you didn't, I wouldn't necessarily recommend going and reading that post. I was having a small meltdown.... okay, a big one. Hormones and the unknown of the first pregnancy were getting to me and I was a M.E.S.S. (MES used to be my initials, how funny.)

Anyway.

After doing some praying, some talking, some more-in-depth reading about this stage of pregnancy, and about 20 hours of sleeping this weekend, I'm feeling much more sane, rational, and overall good about things.

After reading one article from a obstetrician, I started to skim the comments left by "experienced moms." This one immediately spoke to me:

"Have faith! Look at all those twinges and discomforts as positive signs that your body is changing and baby is growing. Remember that you will never be as close to your baby as you are during your pregnancy. You know exactly where your child is and your body is nurturing and protecting that child. That goes away once you give birth, so enjoy the time when you have it! Instead of reaching for a doppler (and spending your hard earned money on it), relax and connect with your child during those times when you find yourself most nervous. Find your faith, because you will need it over and over again as a parent!"

Now, I'm not saying I still might not convince myself at some point to rent a doppler (because peace of mind might be worth it), but for now I'm content to have faith, and I'm going to try to enjoy this time.

So. Without further ado, a silly 18 Week Pregnancy Update:

This morning I made sure to take a picture when I didn't look like something the cat dragged in. I still fit into nearly all my jeans (the perk of low rise jeans), but my belly is definitely expanding. I'm attempting to monitor that at a healthy level - so far, so good.

Pregnancy Highlights:

How Far Along: 18 Weeks

Size of Baby: The "peanut" or "LBF (little bitty fella)," as we call him/her is now about 5 and 1/2 inches long, roughly the length of a good sized bell pepper. LBF weighs about 7 ounces and is doing all sorts of developmental growth!

Maternity Clothes: As I mentioned, I fit into all my jeans. (Most of my work pants are a little too snug.... so I'm a jeans to work kind of teacher now.) Okay, you caught me in a small fib - on one pair of jeans, I have to do the elastic band through the button hole trick, but that's it. Fortunately for me, I had bought several shirts that were "larger" and "flow-ier" over the summer since I had gained weight over the last year, so I'm not really buying maternity clothes yet. I need to go do some initial looking, because the time will be coming soon, I think, and I want to have a style and look good.

Gender: November 9th is our new holiday: Boy or Girl Day! That's next week, so we're pretty excited. We have about a fifty-fifty split in our family's thoughts. Some have stated they think it's a boy, some have dreamt it's a girl (including Husband!), and some have just stated their "wish list." I think I kind of hope she's a girl, but think he might be a boy, but either way, want a healthy baby.

Movement: Maybe the tiniest of little flutters? Or maybe just gas? Who knows? Hoping to feel something more definitive soon. Husband is, too. He wants a turn to feel something.

Sleep: Body Pillow: best invention ever. That's really helping me be more comfortable and stay off my back, which is how I like to sleep when my back hurts, which is often. But the last few nights I've gotten really good sleep, despite the plethora of weird and never-ending dreams and the occasional potty break.

Cravings: I don't really have any cravings that I didn't have before... I mean, I always love salty food. But I am trying to cut back on the non-healthy things and be more concious of what I eat.

What I miss: Feeling skinny.... although I haven't felt that way in a while. :) But I'm excited that at least I have an "excuse" and some people think pregnant women are beautiful. I also miss feeling normal.

Symptoms: Well, I think I was pretty clear about those on Friday. I have lots of indigestion, some discomfort at times, and I do have to pee frequently. But as mentioned earlier in this post, I'm working on embracing those things.

Things People Say: No one has really said anything obnoxious. Being the non-mushy person I am, I find it strange and kind of weird when people comment on how cute my baby belly is or talk about my "showing." I have had people already touch my belly, and that has got to stop. :) Other than that, people are mostly trying to be encouraging, and I can't fault them for that or for my over-sensitive hormones.

Best Moment(s) This Week: Well. Calming the heck down. And having Husband really start clearing things out of the former-guest room soon-to-be baby room. The more-empty room really makes me think.

In other news, I have been so self-involved with the baby stuff, I never posted about how much I love fall. I LOVE FALL. I do, I do, I do. It represents so many happy things to me, which you can read about here.

Here's a quick peek at my overly-pumpkin-ed house. I like it that way, so don't judge.

An overall glance.

My homemade "Give Thanks" pumpkins.

Some of my Autumn things from my MIL.

A close-up, because the saying is worth reading.

More pumpkins... and a DELICIOUS smelling candle.

The mantle.

The buffet with... more pumpkins.

Real acorns from Nebraska (where Husband grew up) -

we got them last year when we visited.

Ginny following me around and wondering why I was taking so many pictures.

Happy Monday, friends.

A Lovely Morning.

2011-10-30T11:49:00.000-06:00

I'm having a lovely decided-to-skip-church-this-morning-and-just-be morning. A rare occurence.

Here's what it's looked like:

A delicious cup of coffee...

Ginny all snuggled up on the couch beside me.

My husband sitting in the room with me, half-watching the movie, half doing something on the iPad.

A mini-Harry Potter marathon while I get some grading and online work done.

And me... wow. I'm going to get up now and get in the shower, after posting this terrifyingly honest picture of what I currently look like.

Next? Family lunch at Zio's. Yumm. Then more HP, school work, and, most likely, PJs again.

Thank You

2011-10-29T14:02:00.001-06:00

Dear friends,

Thank you for your words of encouragement. As I was telling Husband last night, my rational, logical self knows that I am probably okay, and that this is most likely very normal. It's just that I can't seem to let that part of my brain rule right now. Emotions and hormones are crazy controllers at times. Still, as many of you referenced, and as my mom told me this morning, I cannot let fear be my controller. A spirit of fear is NOT from God. I may still call the doctor on Monday morning and ask if I can come in, just for some peace of mind, but I will continue to day by day hope and work on trusting.
Thank you for understanding that I am not a crazy person, and that I do know that I'm probably fine, but for sharing your words of wisdom and experience, anyway.

Love,
Beth

Am I Normal?

2011-10-28T10:39:00.002-06:00

A brutally-honest post here. Please don't mind me.

Seventeen-nearly-eighteen weeks pregnant. I should be posting cute little "pregnancy posts" every now and then, shouldn't I? Letting you know how I'm doing and feeling and letting you see my baby belly. That's what "normal" first-time blogging moms-to-be do, right? Sharing my experiences with you, portraying with word and picture the joyful development of my pregnancy. Shouldn't I?

Yet, emotionally, I don't feel capable of any such posts, at least not right now. I'm not feeling particularly cute, excited, happy. Instead, I feel worried, anxious, scared. Is that normal? It certainly isn't for me. I'm not a worrier, not even a little bit, usually. That's my sister, my Husband. They worry sometimes to the extent that they make themselves sick. But not me. I most often can see past the worry and head straight into the trusting or the making a plan so things work out. But not about this, even though my rational brain says nothing has changed. I'm worried, anxious, scared. All the time. The only escape is to be busy, to teach, to be surrounded by my students and not have a moment to stop or breathe or think.... and even then, sometimes, in the midst of the doing, I still feel afraid.

I'm about to put my greatest fear into words for you. You might think I'm crazy. You might understand. You might be upset I would write it. But I'm going to be honest.

I'm practically convinced that my child is dead in my uterus. Right now.

Why? I don't know. I don't really have a valid reason to think that. I just do.

Perhaps it's because I've known a few women in the last couple of years who've carried their babies almost to full term, only to have their sweet babies meet Jesus before birth. Perhaps it's because my hormones are totally out of whack and I'm an insane person. Perhaps it's because I don't feel great, but I'm not sure what I'm supposed to feel like.

I don't know why, exactly. I can't describe it very well. I'm just terrified.

Is that normal? If it is, why didn't someone warn me that I was going to be an emotional disaster area, a doomsday-sayer, a total and complete wreck? If it isn't, well, then.... I guess I'm nuts. (To be fair, I know I'm not totally alone in my craziness; a friend last night told me that his wife went through the same phase. But she is a nurse who worked on the peds floor at the hospital and go in and listen to her baby's heartbeat every lunch. No fair.)

I don't know what pregnancy is supposed to feel like. And yes, I know that it's different for each person, but I don't know what it's supposed to be like for me.

I've been super blessed in my life - I've never had menstrual cramps, and I've never had indigestion. Lucky me! (I once made the mistake of asking a friend in college mid-cycle what cramps felt like.... I thought she might kill me.) I'm not complaining - I know I've been fortunate.

But now, I can't tell what I'm supposed to feel and what I'm not. I have really bad indigestion almost all the time these days - not heartburn, but an odd combination of gas and constipation, of an achy-crampy tummy box feeling. (I don't mean cramps like menstrual cramps, but I don't know what other word to use.) I just don't feel great.

I feel twinges of discomfort in my abodmen sometimes. Is that normal? I don't know if it, as my doctor told me at the beginning, is just my uterus expanding and pushing my insides all around, or if it's a symptom of a bigger problem. I am exhausted and out of breath when I walk up the stairs. Normal? Or a sign of a problem?

And I don't feel any movement, I don't think. I rationally know that it's okay - that first time moms feel their babies at different times, but I want to feel this child moving, so then I would know he/she is okay. I need to feel him/her. I'm going crazy.

Our next doctor's appointment isn't until the 9th. We're scheduled to have our next ultrasound and find out who will be joining our family - Baby Boy C or Baby Girl C. What I wouldn't give for it to be next week, so I could just find out. Rationally, so I could be calmed the heck down, because I "know" that everything is okay. Our previous two appointments yielded nothing but positives. A healthy heartbeat, lots of movement. Irrationally, so I could just find out and deal with whatever happens.

I don't want to call the doctor and ask to come in early, because I'm probably just being neurotic and freaking myself out unnecessarily. But I don't know if I'm feeling normal things, so then I think maybe I should call. But then I think I should just wait.

As I said, I'm worried, anxious, scared. Pretty much a disaster area. I want to be cute and excited and happy, but this week, that's just not happening. So that's me, for real.

And now back to work, to filling my mind with my job, my students. Distraction, come my way, thank you very much.

Coffee Company, one thing that always makes me happy.
5 Minute Fridays, where we're talking about what's relevant. And this is all I am, this week.

Finding Out: The Story (Part 1)

2011-10-11T10:14:00.000-06:00

Post disclaimer (and perhaps a blog disclaimer, too): I'm honest and forthcoming to a fault. I'm going to tell you everything, so.... if you're not into that, don't read my blog. :)

Months ago I shared with you what was on my heart: the desire to have a baby. If you know me at all, I'm not really a "mushy" person, so I've never been someone who gushes over things like weddings and babies, but Husband and I had decided, we wanted to be parents.

That decision didn't change very much for us, at the time. Husband would say he's incredibly good at "compartmentalizing" (or, truthfully, simply just not thinking about something at all). If I were to be honest, I'm pretty good at that, too. Don't get me wrong - I think too much sometimes - but I'm also quite capable of saying something like, "yes, let's have kids," and then not thinking about it again.

At the end of July, though, I started to wonder. I couldn't rememeber exactly when my last period was - I had a fair idea, but I wasn't totally sure. My breasts were definitely bigger than normal, but I had been struggling with weight gain over the last year or so, and so thought maybe I could chalk it up to that. I was starting to be more tired than I should be for summer break, but then, I was doing a lot and working out and being busy.

The first weekend in August, we headed out to see Husband's mom, Laura, in Nebraska. A few days before we left, I remember having coffee with a friend who asked if I would tell her if I were pregnant. I assured I would, but told her I wasn't.... even though at that point the doubt was slowly creeping into my mind.

With Husband and sister-in-law in the truck, we left early Friday morning for our eight hour drive. I wondered. And wondered. And kept it to myself because, surely, I would get my period that weekend. And if I didn't, well, then I'd figure it out when I got home. And I wouldn't tell Husband just yet, because I kind of wanted to take him out for a fun dinner and tell him if I were pregnant.

Come Saturday morning, though, I realized, I just plain wasn't strong enough to carry the question on my own, so I confided in Husband that I was freaking out a little (okay, a lot) about whether or not I was pregnant. I think he was surprised, but kind of excited.   While he was out running some errands, I did some math from when I thought I'd last had my period, and completely freaked myself out, realizing that I was definitely (mostly, probably, am I over-reacting?) overdue. When he came home, we decided that we would both go pick up lunch for everyone and, while we were out, make a quick trip to the drug store to buy a pregnancy test.

I can't even really begin to describe the emotions I was feeling. Scared, excited, panicked, hopeful, fearful... I tried to explain to him what I was thinking - if I were pregnant, that was terrifying, because everything was going to change and be a big dang deal. And if I weren't, well, that would be devastating, even though I had just started to think I might be.

Buying a pregnancy test is a weird thing, don't you think? Even in the middle of another state, in a city where I know about 10 people, in a store I'd never been to, I felt funny. Like it was shameful, even though it absolutely wasn't. I couldn't look the cashier in the eye - I paid, grabbed the bag, and all but ran out of the store and hopped back in the truck.

After picking up Chipotle for everyone, we headed back to Laura's house, where I immediately made a beeline to our bathroom downstairs. I couldn't wait another second to find out. (And here all along I thought I was this sort of level-headed, patient person.) I took the test, and waited..... wondering what Husband was thinking as he was upstairs with his mom and sister.... and waited.   The little "is the test working" line appeared in the first window, and then ... a vertical line appeared boldly and so blue in the second window. The horizontal line? There, but oh-so faint. I studied the pictures in the instruction booklet, trying to decide. As far as I could tell, there should have been a bold horizontal line and no vertical line at all if the test was negative.....

So I must be pregnant.

I about fell to pieces.

My eyes immediately filled with tears, and I kid you not - I thought I might hyperventilate. But I realized that if I went upstairs a total disaster, I'd have to tell. And I wasn't ready to do that. I mean, what if I'd read the test wrong? What if it weren't accurate?   I needed to pull myself together, so I did.

After a minute, I went upstairs, and when asked where I'd been, said I'd had to use the bathroom, and left it that. I made eye contact with Husband for a split second, gave a small grin, and then looked away, diving into my Chipotle. We ate all together, talking about the most random things, for at least another half an hour before Husband and I had a chance to be alone. It was the weirdest thing, thinking I was pregnant, and not saying anything about it, jus sitting there, eating my Chipotle burrito bowl, watching T.V., talking, laughing, with the rest of the world (okay, slight exaggeration) not having a clue what was really going on in my head.

The possibility that everything was about to change was overwhelming.

The rest of the story to come.

A Little Peanut Changes Ordinary in a Big Way

2011-10-07T11:03:00.001-06:00

Linking up this morning with two of my favorite Friday morning reads: Coffee Company and Five Minute Fridays.

At Coffee Company, we just share our lives, as we would over a cup of coffee. See my post here about how I'm feeling about Pumpkin Spice Lattes. At Five Minute Fridays, we get a topic to chat about each week and share whatever our hearts say on that topic.

Today's discussion at FMF works perfectly for what I wanted to share over coffee.

Our topic?

What's Ordinary.

The reality is, my ordinary is changing every day, friends, and here's why.

I actually normally am really bothered by people who put up pictures of their ultrasound.... I mean, who wants to look at my uterus? But.... I decided to succumb and do it anyway. Here's our little munchkin at about 11 weeks. (I'm now about 14 weeks.)

Ginny was very interested in the picture.... we like to pretend she understands and we tell her about her new baby sister or brother all the time. We're pretty convinced she's going to be a great big sister. And please excuse my messy table. I was tired that day.

Some of the fun things friends have given us to keep reminding us of what's to come. I prefer that over the conversations about how painful labor is going to be.

And a horrible picture of me. The other pictures of me I looked even worse. (Next time I'll have to make Husband take the picture and make sure I do my hair and don't look like crap. It took me 15 minutes and I'm still unhappy with this photo.)

So as you can see, friends, my ordinary isn't ordinary. I'm still processing the whole "I'm going to be a mom" thing. I am excited, fearful, estatic, worried..... and a plethora of other emotions. We're thinking of names, of how we need to change things, of how we need to "get our acts together" before baby comes, of what we need to do with our house to be baby ready, etc.... even though we have six months left.

What was ordinary before still is, but isn't. We do our lives each day, I teach, do StuCo, spend time with family. But I think and act on all these other things, too.

It's been crazy waiting to tell the world and people outside of our close family and friends circle, because it's all we've thought about since the first week in August..... but now it's out to the world..... So I'm counting on all your help to share your wise Mommy Wisdom with me over the next months and years.

Anyway, my five minutes are long up.

Here's to my ordinary, whatever it actually is.

Pumpkin Spice....

2011-10-06T10:55:00.001-06:00

Dear Pumpkin Spice Latte Lovers,

I'm sincerely happy that the latte you love to sip is back, and that you're enjoying the deliciousness of it's spicy aroma and flavor. I hope you'll enjoy every single one you drink until they go out of season again. I'm quite aware that the Pumpkin Spice Latte signals the arrival of the fall season, perhaps one of my most favoritest (yes, that should be a word) seasons of all, for so many reasons. May you savor every sip with a sigh of satisfaction.

But would you please stop rubbing it in my face that it isn't quite yet my turn, as the Gingerbread Latte season has not yet arrived? I don't begrudge you your happiness, but you're doing an awfully good job at making me jealous and a little sad.

My time is coming however.... and, of course, when it doesn, it means that yours will be at an end.

Sincerely,
A Gingerbread Latte Girl

On Being Small, Going it Alone, and Other Things

2011-10-05T08:49:00.000-06:00

Husband and I have been doing a little quick devotional together each night recently - and by at night, I mean, at night, or, if we forgot, the next morning. It's about time - it only took us three years of marriage to figure out that the small devotional together was the way we could be consistent.

A friend (and I can't exactly remember who, but I feel like it might have been Dawn, since she posted on this same devotional recently) gave me the book Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young.

We really like it.

Each day has a short reading, followed by some verses you can look up if you feel so inclined. Sometimes we get to the verses, sometimes we are too involved in a conversation inspired by what we've read already. It's nice - Husband is someone who processes slowly, so if I want to talk about something longer, like a sermon we heard, he's not going to be ready to do so for a while. With these little devos, he can think about it more quickly, and we are able to talk right then and there.

Yesterdays' reading was written straight for me, I think. It's not long, so, even though this might be a copyright issue, I'm going to share it with you. (Credit: It's the October 4 reading, Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young.)

I am the Creator of Heaven and Earth: Lord of all that is and all that will ever be. Although I am unimaginably vast, I choose to dwell within you, permeating you with My Presence. Only in the spirit realm could Someone so infinitely great live within someone so very small. Be awed by the Power and the Glory of My Spirit within you!

Though the Holy Spirit is infinite, He deigns to be your Helper. He is always ready to offer assistance; all you need to do is ask. When the path before you looks easy and straightforward, you may be tempted to go it alone instead of relying on Me. This is when you are in the greatest danger of stumbling. Ask My Spirit to help you as you go each step of the way. Never neglect this glorious source of strength within you.

When I'm standing amidst the ridges and trees and vistas of the mountains, or before the expansive vastness of the ocean, I always meet God. In my entire life, God has never failed to show up when I was in one of those places. I'm struck by the hugeness of God, and the tinyness of me, and by how, even though I am so tiny in comparsion, and just one tiny person amidst a world of tiny people, He loves me infinitely. But I'm not sure I've ever given much thought to the fact that that same HUGE God lives in me. I'm awed by His Hugeness, by His Vastness, by His Unfathomable Love for me. But I don't often get to the part where I'm awed by the fact that He deigns, as the text says, to live in me. Serious food for thought, here.

And then the next part, well, arrow to my heart, Lord.

I am so the person who attempts to go it alone when things are easy and straightforward. I'm great at clinging to God during hard times, but ummm... other than that, not so much. I mean, I go to church and get a lot from ther sermons. I have quiet times periodically (sometimes often, sometimes not), and I hear from and love God. But the rest of the minutes of the hours of the days, well, I'm not paying much attention.

Recently I was talking to someone and, as we were discussing what our challenges were, commented that I subconciously (and now conciously) consider myself to be a pretty self-sufficient person. And I don't want to be. I want the Vast Huge God to be my sufficiency, not myself. And if my thinking that the other day wasn't enough of a hint, here came this devotional to remind me.

If I'm going to attempt to go it alone, I'm going to stumble.

I mean, I'm probably going to stumble anyway, but it's a different kind of stumble, I think.

Okay, God. Message is slowly starting to be received. May You be the One I consider, the One I turn to for everything and anything, the One I am awed by and in love with. May I crave spending time with You, getting your advice, and doing what You want and will.

Amen.

To Leave a Legacy

2011-09-27T07:57:00.000-06:00

I've never been much of a Nicole Nordeman fan (which is pretty much illegal for me to say because she's from my home town and hit it big when I was in high school), but this song pretty much sums up what I'm thinking at this moment.

See, pretty much half the world has been posting over the last few weeks, and especially the last few days, in honor of Sara. Sara struggled with chronic illness and has been home-bound for years. Over the last few weeks, her body began shutting down. And on Saturday, Sara went to be with Jesus. I'd only started reading Sara's blog a little while ago, but was immediately drawn to her. She's funny, courageous, passionate. And she's currently free of pain, which is the best part of the whole thing.

Seriously, though, if you wander through the world of amazing Christian bloggers, you'll see post after post after post after post dedicated to Sara and to the legacy she's left us all. (An IRL friend of mine posted beautifully on the subject here... you should read it.) Each of us has been challenged to Choose Joy and to live in such a way that reflects that joy, no matter the circumstance. Her reach has been widespread, her legacy large. I can't help but wonder if she had any idea.

I've known a few people who are legacy leavers, most notably, in a personal sense, my grandmother. She passed away nearly nine years ago, and I still cry when I miss her. Anytime anything big happens in our lives we wish she were here. She was the best. I mean, literally the best. The best grandma, friend, mother, cook, wife, homemaker, researcher. The best. And we still miss her. My mom has often said she hopes that her legacy is as strong... to be that missed that many years later? Grandma was a legacy leaver. She didn't have the wide-reach Sara did, but to me, to my family, it was just as important.

And as I think about this women (and a few others I have known), I can't help but wonder....

Am I leaving a legacy?

Is what I'm doing with my life, my time, my work, my thoughts, my efforts, worthy? Will it matter to someone deeply, to my family, to my friends? Am I living well? Do I show others how to Choose Joy, to choose life, to choose faithfulness?

I, like Nicole Nordeman, want to leave a legacy. I can't help but to think of anything else as I read post after post on Sara, and she reminds me of others who have gone before her. Someday, I too, will go.

What will have I left behind?

Life on a Sunday

2011-09-25T18:35:00.001-06:00

To wake up on a Sunday morning, without an alarm clock, but simply because it's time to wake up, is perhaps one of the most delicious feelings ever. I'm sure all of you who wake up with me before 6 am every day agree, don't you?
I had a restless night of sleeping - no matter what I did, I just couldn't seem to stay sleeping for longer than an hour - but I still felt rested when I woke up. Husband was on worship team this morning, so he was gone by the time I actually got out of bed.

With a cup of re-heated coffee in hand, I quicky cleaned out the fridge and freezer, a task I'd been meaning to do for over a week. I confess that there were some tupperwares full of nasty tucked in various corners. Let's just say that I had to take the trash out right away. I loaded up the dishwasher and set it to clean. I ran a load of laundry and then hung it up to dry - our clothes dryer has been on the fritz for a few months now, so I channel my inner Spaniard and line dry my clothes in the basement.

After getting dressed (and, I think, looking pretty dang cute), I headed to church for the early service, which I almost never do. I wanted to be there just in case a friend showed up. Our first year of marriage, Husband and I carpooled to work with one of his co-workers, Mike, every day, (I was car-less due to totalling my car two weeks before our wedding, and the friend was car-less due to the fact that he'd been in jail for some drug and alcohol-related things), so we got to know him pretty well. Over the years, Husband has stayed friends with Mike, walking with him as Mike became a dad, went back to jail, and more. Last week, Mike called asking for the name, address, and number of our church, because he wanted to give it a try. This is the first time Mike has expressed any interest in going to church at all, so I wanted to make sure he know at least one person in the congregation. (Husband was on-stage behind the drums.) Both Mike and his mom came, so pray with me that they'll come back again!

I came home and did a little work on the agenda for our Student Council retreat - it's this coming weekend, and I hadn't even started on a rough agenda yet. I'm pretty excited for it, even with just my tentative outline. This group is fantastic, so it's going to be amazing. We'll be up in the mountains, away from cell phones and noise and distractions, with the aspen trees changing from bright green to glimmering gold. It's going to be lovely.

When Husband got home, we headed out to my family's house in the forest for a little homemade pizza lunch. Ginny came with us and played with the "big dogs" for a long time. They're two Siberian Huskies, and when she comes over, all three can be seen tearing around the backyard at breakneck speeds. Ginny, when feeling slightly overwhelmed, lies down with submissively until she's "fooled" them, and then gets up and runs as fast as she can again. (Currently, Ginny is completely sacked out, having been worn out from her play time. I know the big dogs are the same way at my parents' house.)

Ginny, right now, seriously worn out.

An old picture of the Huskies, but at least you get to meet them.

Mom makes the best homemade pizza using dough from Whole Foods. Seriously, if you haven't tried their multi-grain dough, you need to. It's amazing. She gets the crust crispy, tops it with the most delicious veggies, adds a few pieces of pepperoni to bring out the flavor, and, without even realizing it, we're eating an incredibly healthy, delicious pizza. Mom mentioned today that she'd love if it we someday moved out there near them. She said they would respect our privacy - well, she'd teach Dad to do so. Sister, Husband, and I all laughed hysterically... poor Dad... he's the best dad ever. I bet if we ever decide to sell the townhouse, we could be easily convinced into looking near them. It's a lovely area, with soooo many beautiful pine trees.

After a quick stop by DQ to get a blizzard for later, Husband and I came home. We each took a quick "nap" - his consisting of actually sleeping, mine consisting of reading a book, and then he headed back to church to get ready for youth group, where he is a sponsor and the youth worship team leader.

I'm now parked on the couch, my usual Sunday evening spot, with laptop in place, working on the content for my online class. Last year I had to create the class from scratch, which meant I spent a minimum of 10 hours a weekend on the computer - it was misery defined, and I hated teaching the class. This year I'm just tweaking what I already had, improving it, adding to it, and overall, enjoying it much more. I actually have time to grade the work and give my online students meaningful feedback in a timely manner.

Anyway, that's my Sunday. I hope to finish the work (depending on of I let myself get more distracted or not) soon, and then get to do a few "getting ready for the week" things. And then off to bed, to hopefully sleep peacefully until morning.

I Forgot...

2011-09-23T08:13:00.002-06:00

... that singing makes me quite happy.

I can't remember the last time I just sang, with no one listening, just for me, until just a minute ago.

When I was in high school I used to get home before anyone else in my family and I would walk around the house singing as loudly as I wanted, with music, without music, to whatever song was on my heart. I perfected a soulful rendition of Amazing Grace. I went through a Celine Dion phase. I always loved singing along with Ella Fitzgerald. But I just sang, for me, with no one listening.

Singing during worship time at church is almost always my favorite part of the service, especially these days, as our worship team has really started to come together and do some great things musically. But I don't always make it to church, so I don't always get that outlet. In college I quit singing at church for a while, anyway, because I decided I was singing too much for me and not enough for God. So now I still sometimes stay quiet, when I realize I'm thinking about if I sound good, instead of thinking about what I'm singing and to whom I'm singing.

I used to be car singer, but these days, I'm either on the phone when I drive (not texting, talking) or listening to a sermon or something talk-y on the radio. I never remember to bring my iPod and play sing-along-with-me songs.

And most of the time, I'm at work or with people, so I just don't get a chance to sing.

This morning I'm in my classroom working. I have all the flourescent lights off, the blinds open, and the lamps lit. There's a pumpkin spice candle on the candle warmer, the scent creating a sense of fall and warmth. Pandora is playing a channel of mellow, beautiful, soulful, songs, and I'm working. Tidying, lesson planning, being productive. The atmosphere, if I do say so myself, is pretty darn peaceful, fun, amazing. A song came on, one that I used to car-sing quite frequently, and, without realizing it, I was singing. It was automatic. After a moment, I stopped working, stopped moving, and just sang.

And it made my heart happy.

Strange how I forget that singing is healthy for my heart, and that I don't take the time to do it more often. Why do I talk on the phone in the car, when I could sing? I need to remember this.

It was just one of those moments where I felt this pure, inexplicable joy. I had to share it.

Do something that makes you happy, today, even if just for a few minutes.

Disclaimer: I am not saying I am an amazing singer, although I'm not bad either. I just love singing.

And, just because I can, and I apparently feel the need to be a little humiliated, please enjoy this video of a student and I singing last year at an Acoustic Cafe. I screwed up, but we laughed, and moved on. Something about those high school kids freaked me out. :) Clearly it's a cell phone video, so the quality is atrocious. Enjoy anyway.

On my Mind

2011-09-16T11:04:00.000-06:00

There's a lot. And I can't write it all, especially because my students are about to walk through the door and I have to switch gears to vocabulary games on a Friday (because grammar rules would just even be too much for me.)

I'm thinking about the future, and what it holds. A lot of things.

I'm thinking about living now, on the journey, and not just looking for the destination.

I'm thinking about Sara and her journey Home, and how so many people have, even just today, been impacted by her life, and her challenge to choose joy.

I'm thinking about priorities. I just read a post that created an acronym for joy: Jesus, Others, You. And thought how I live a little like Others, You (as in me), Jesus, and how that should probably change. Okay, not probably, definitely.

There's more. But the students just started walking in, so... more from me soon.

5 Minutes on a Homecoming Friday

2011-09-09T08:36:00.000-06:00

Today we're supposed to write about connecting in real life. Well, today is Friday of our Homecoming week, which means in about two hours, the whole school will traipse upstairs to our gymnasium-converted-theater for our Homecoming Assembly, a big deal with games, costumes, and props, all put together by my wonderful Student Council kids.

This week, more than even a normal week, they are with whom I am connecting. They are this group of 45 amazing, talented, super involved, passionate teenagers who are desperate to make this school a place where people feel welcome. I've spent hours talking and listening as they figure out how to try to engage people, how to reach the unreached, how to get people to laugh and enjoy being at school. Then hours as they detail their lives, their over-committed, complicated, high-pressure lives, and try to learn how to find balance and joy in all the things they do.

It's these students that are my mission - not necessarily an evangelical mission, since I'm a public school teacher - but my mission nonetheless. They are passionate about all they do, and I am passionate about them and their growth as people. I feel called every day to be here with them, giving of my time and my life to spend with them.

And I learn more from them than they know.

And now, my five minutes are up, and I have to go upstairs anyway to get ready for this big dang deal of an assembly. More to come from me another day when Homecoming is over and I've gotten some sleep.

May your day be full of real connections!

Mad as a Hatter

2011-09-06T10:52:00.000-06:00

It's Homecoming Week at our school, and today is Mad Hatter Day. Turns out Husband has like two or three of this style of hat in a "keepsake" box in the basement. Apparently, he says, he was a nerd. Either way, it worked out for me as I got to borrow this ridiculous hat. I can't teach in it, though - it distracts even me.

Homecoming Week is early this year, a mixed blessing. We've been working our tails off in Student Council (I have an AMAZING group of students this year, I can't even begin to tell you), but when it's over, we'll have most of the semester to still do some amazing things. If you don't remember, our StuCo is a class that does a lot to develop leadership in our members, as well as serves the school in many different ways, events being one of them.

Our theme this year is Through the Looking Glass. We're combining the book, the Disney movie, and the new-ish Johnny Depp version as our sources of inspiration. Each spirit day focuses on something from the movie - Mad Hatter Monday, Quarrel of the Queens Wednesday (upperclassmen in white, lowerclassmen in red), Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee Thursday (twin day). Regular school spirit day on Friday.

This afternoon we have our Powder Puff football game - the girls are all proudly sporting their jerseys. One poor girl wanted hers to say "C-Rock" as her nickname, but due to illegible handwriting, says "C-Rack." At least it doesn't say DD, was all I could think. (ha. Sorry, that was a little bad of me to actually write.) We have official officials so no one can say the game was rigged so that seniors would win.... but they will.

After the game we'll head over to where the bonfire is set up to take place. We're shooting for no rain tonight, even though it's predicted. Join me in saying a little no-rain prayer, please, because we'd have to cancel the bonfire completely, with no chance of rescheduling. Why students like to stand around a large fire and listen to music and talk I've never understood. Oh wait, it's because it's like out of a movie, the epitome of being young.

Thursday night we'll come to set up our assembly. Stages, decorations, and sound system will be brought to the gym as we change it from a basketball court to a theater.

We'll put on a huge assembly on Friday, complete with props and acts, and then announce our royalty winners on the red carpet at the Homecoming football game halftime show. They'll ride in on golf carts, receive roses, sashes, and be escorted out onto the field.

Saturday we'll show up bright and early to start transforming our cafeteria and gym into Wonderland. We'll use props, gossamer, and glitter. So much gossamer and glitter. The DJ and his massive light and sound system will come in at about 5:30 to set up, and then, after re-hanging a few fallen down decorations, I'll wait for students to come and ooh and ahh over how nice it looks. Of course, there will be a few grumblers, but I'll ignore them. Sometime after midnight (more like 1), I'll fall into my bed with visions of decorations, dancers, and dresses in my head.

Oh, Homecoming Week. Love it, but it's clear why Mad Hatter Day fits me well.

A Breeze of Fresh Air

2011-09-04T22:32:00.000-06:00

It's been hot here. I mean, not Arizona hot, but hot. We've had more than 30 days with temperatures over 90 degrees, a record for us. And in a house with no AC, well, it's been hot. One day earlier this summer I noticed that my thermostat read 85 degrees.... and it was still cooler indoors than out.

It was almost a relief to go back to school, because my classroom is notoriously freezing - I've worn a sweater inside nearly every day and taken it off as I leave the building and get into my hot hot hot car. Most people I've talked to, even the warm-weather loves, are ready for a change. It's just been too much! You throw open all the windows in the evening and get the fans going, hoping to circulate the cooler air outside into the house. It works some, but when you wake up in the morning, it's still warm. You've completely kicked off the covers in your sleep. The temperature is already quickly rising.

When I woke up on Saturday, though, I was chilly. And when I got out of bed, I was cold. The temperature had dropped significantly and it was windy and chilly outside. With jeans, a t-shirt, a hoodie on I ventured outside at about 9 to run some errands, and relished the goosebumps accompanying the fresh, chilly air. All day it stayed cool. My dad, sister and I went to our first football game of the season (go Air Force!), and inside the stadium, with the breeze diminished, we shed our jackets and basked in warmth, but didn't melt.

It was as if fall was peeking it's head around the corner, letting us know it will soon be coming, bringing all of my favorite, lovely things with it.

This morning it was again refreshingly chilly when we woke up. When I realized the temperature was only supposed to be about 70, I put my skirt back in the closet and put on a pair of dressy jeans and a sweater to head to church. Lovely. Heavenly. Joy-bringing.

I just needed that chilly, fresh air to clear out my senses and the feeling of staleness in my house that comes with teh heat, you know? It's refreshing, and almost healing, in a way, to feel the crisp breeze through the window even as I type.

God is always, always reminding me of His ways, it seems. I could explain what I mean, but I think you get it.

Sometimes you just need that breeze, that breath, of fresh air.

If I Don't Make Time, There Won't Be Time

2011-08-29T08:31:00.000-06:00

Isn't that so true about so many things in life? If we don't make time, there won't ever be time.

We live in a society that teaches us to function with every moment packed with things to do. It doesn't matter what stage of life you're in - your life is full. Our children have sports and school and extracurricular activities. Our teens have sports and school and extracurricular activities and jobs. Our college students have sports and school and extracurricular activities and jobs and job interviews. Our young professionals have work and meetings and extra duties and functions they run and attend. Our parents have work, housekeeping responsibilities, carting their kids around to the aforementioned places, and more functions they run and attend. We retire later in life, and even then, still live our lives with seemingly every moment packed.

And we feel guilty if we stop, even for a few minutes. Our culture tells that resting is, at the very least, irresponsible, if not down right lazy.

The more I do life like this, though, the more I think it's not supposed to be this way. I need to rest. I need to take time - to make time - to do things that I want to do, not just do all the things I have to do.

I want to blog, so I'm going to take five minutes to blog. It may not be the best post ever, but if it's important, who cares if I take five minutes out of doing something else?

I want to exercise, but I have papers to grade. So take the dog for a 15 minute walk and then get back to grading.

I want to watch a movie with my husband, but I should clean the house. Do a five-minute maintenance in each of the worst areas and then watch the movie.

I know there are more ways to simplify, to take time to rest, and to not buy in to the lie that resting (whatever form that takes) is lazy or irresponsible, and I know that, even though I know I need to shift my life a little here, I will still get sucked into the "doing" and forget about the "making time."

Perhaps you can remind me the next time I write a "busy" post, okay?

Here's to making time for the things we need to do for the good of our minds, bodies, spirits, souls.
Here's to not feeling guilty when you put aside the work or the responsibility for a few moments.
And here's to all of us - may we live in ways where we feel rested and full of freedom.

A Few Fun Summer Pictures

2011-07-31T12:28:00.001-06:00

Well, I've been gone from blogland ALL summer long for a few different reasons - a broken computer, no desire to be on the computer, questioning why to blog, etc.

Summer is winding down (I'll be back in the school building by choice this week and by requirement next week), Husband and I just bought a new laptop, and I've decided to blog because I like it, not to be known or get followers, so..... I'm back.

I don't promise regular blogging - you know me - depends on whether or not my schedule gets insane insane or just mostly insane, but I'm excited to blog again, anyway.

I'll show you a few of the things I've been up to this summer: I don't have the whole summer depicted here, but here are a few photos of July. (Remember how I thought my camera had been stolen in like February? Well, it turns out it was just in my car.... I found it mid-July when I finally cleaned the car out thoroughly.)

I helped my grandpa move from one retirement home to another - I was taking pictures of how he had things set up in the first place, and he got in the picture. So cute!

Husband and I at the Rodeo. We love it!

Sister and her good friend Anna at the Rodeo. Anna said she felt like she was back in Texas. :)

I took Grandpa for a stroll around Bear Lake in Estes Park while the rest of the family went on a hike. He was moving pretty well!

Husband and I by the river on our way to the restaurant in Estes Park.

My dad is so awesome - he always takes care of Grandpa.

Grandpa's 96th birthday dinner: The men: Grandpa, Husband, and Dad.

Mom and her dad for Grandpa's 96th birthday.

Sister and I at Grandpa's birthday dinner.

More to come as I get the rest of the pictures from Husband and Sister's cameras, too.

Musing on a Friday Morning

2011-06-03T10:29:00.000-06:00

It's Friday, my 2nd official day of summer break. And where am I? In my classroom. I just need to get a few more things organized and put away so I feel better about walking away for the rest of the summer. And so that, when I come back, my to-do list isn't quite as long. This year my classroom just sort of .... exploded. I never put things in their rightful place when I finished with them, or if I did, I just shoved in the correct cabinet or drawer. The end result, of course, is a big mess. I'm determined to finish putting it all away nicely today, though, and then next year I hope I'll do better from the beginning. It's just another one of those things that I know would make my life easier, better, happier.... yet I don't do.

I think I'm a bit of a committment-phobe. (Funny to say since I've been in the same job for 7 years, married for nearly 3, and dating/married to Husband for nearly 6.)

I have trouble committing to things that I know would be good for me. Maybe I'm not a committment-phobe. Maybe I'm just lazy and undisciplined. Either way, I have to got to figure this stuff out!! Exercise regulary, Beth, you feel better when you do. Don't eat that breadstick, Beth, you're full already. Don't eat two more breadsticks, even if they are the best thing you've ever baked. Umm... don't bake them in the first place, if you've already had a full dinner. Pay the bills on time, Beth, it makes you less stressed. Don't spend money on unnecessary things during the month, Beth, because when the credit card bill comes, you freak out. Put stuff away right away, Beth, because things won't get so out of control if you do. Do small cleaning things every night, Beth, and then you won't have to deep clean the filth, because it won't have piled up. And so on it goes.

Is there a magical age of adulthood that comes with just being able to do these things without thinking? I would like that to be now. I'm pretty sure I've written things like this before on my blog, and Husband and I have had this conversation about, oh, ten times in the last year, at least......

Hence, either I'm a committment-phobe, or, more likely, undisciplined and can't figure out how to get disciplined.

New topic. Babies. I kind of want one. About a year and a half ago, a friend put the idea of me having babies in my head, whether she meant to or not. I thought it about for a long time, counting "if I were pregnant now, when would I have a baby?" and figuring out what was convenient or not (ha, I know, that's silly). I wasn't ready for a baby, nor did I really want one, but the thought was brewing. A year ago a different friend was visiting me and the topic came up again. She bought me a pregnancy magazine. It still sits untouched in a basket on my dresser.... I was NOT ready to read it, nor to think about it. I wasn't convinced. In a August we stopped using any type of birth control, but we didn't really try to conceive, if you know what I mean. I've already mentioned, I have issues in that department. Still working on them. And if you're not trying... umm.... regularly, well, then, no babies. But the thought has brewed and percolated and steeped (oh, I love coffee and tea) and a couple of months ago I decided. I was ready, whatever that means. I could officially say I want a baby. Of course, then it was the end of the year and I was busy and tired and never even home, on top of my issues, so.... trying has been limited. But the desire and thought of having a baby is on my mind a lot. A lot.

An old friend of mine is having a baby this summer. Another close friend just found out she's pregnant and, while extremely excited for her, I was also a bit jealous. We are the only people in our small group without kids, and two of the couples have had babies in the last year. I want a turn!

Except I don't want to be pregnant. I already feel yucky and out of shape and a little chubby, and I don't want to be pregnant. I don't think I'll be a cute pregnant woman. So I wish I could avoid that part.

But last night I was watching a show that made me think of my grandma, and as I was crying, I thought, I really need to have kids so that they can have as much time with their grandparents as possible - because my life would not even have been remotely as amazing without my grandma and grandpa around and contributing.... and I know my parents are going to make wonderful grandparents. And I just want a baby, anyway.

Although it scares the crap out of me, too. I should probably read that magazine.

And seriously, if I can't get all that other stuff together, how could I possibly take care of another human being? Am I an insane person?

Possibly.

And I really need to stop rambling now and get back to cleaning my classroom so I can leave school until August. Hopefully.

Back in the Saddle

2011-05-31T07:27:00.002-06:00

(Editor's Note: I wrote this post on Monday, but because I needed to wait to for my husband to bring the camera home, am not posting it until Tuesday. Any references to "today" are from Monday.)

Do you know that I have ridden horses for nearly 15 years, and I have never actually fallen off of one?

Granted, the consistency of me riding in the last three years has been.... well, let's be honest. I haven't ridden more than twice in the last three years. (That's not totally my fault. The first year, I didn't have a car, so I couldn't get out to where my horse was being boarded. The second year we'd moved him to my parent's house and built him a loafing shed, and I did ride him a couple of times, but then he got an abscess in his hoof and had about half of the hoof removed. (That's like taking off your fingernail, not your finger, just in case you didn't know.) So he had to heal from that. And then last year, right around this time of year, he impaled himself on a t-post and nearly died. That recovery was quite long; hence, no riding for me.

I completely digress from my original point. The expression back in the saddle clearly comes from the idea that if you've fallen off a horse, you have to get back on again and push through whatever fear is keeping you from riding again. I've never fallen from a horse, so I don't I can fully understand the true intent of those words, although having watched my sister essentially stop riding due to an incredibly scary situation, I sort of get it.

That story will have to come at a later point, because this post isn't supposed to be about horses or riding or anything equestrian related. I just titled the post Back in the Saddle and then was off on a tangent, and decided to write it. Well, journeying with me as I process never promised to be logical.

Anyway, I feel like I have the opporutnity to be back in the saddle of a lot of things in my life. School is winding down and, while I have a busy summer ahead, the pace is different.

I have just two classes of finals left to grade - one on paper, one online. I'm going to do them tomorrow. Then I have to spend some time getting my classroom ready for next year, and I'm done. Officially our last day is Wednesday, but I may go in for a few hours on Thursday and/or Friday just to make sure I'm organized. It's been a long year. I'm excited for a change of pace.

On Saturday I went to the Home Depot at 8:15 in the morning to avoid the rush and bought a lot of flowers and plants. I suspect I normally spend $100 on flowers to pot to make the front of my townhouse look pretty (and to make me happy) - but this weekend I went way overboard, due to the fact that I was on a mission - I wanted to plant some perennials in our front yard, build a mini garden bed retaining wall, and add some mulch. I picked up the pesky rocks that were half filling the space and through them into my window wells, which needed something in them anyway. (I'd already spent hours on a previous weekend cleaning and sorting some rocks and filling this awkward weird gap between my neighbor's sidewalk and mine.)

I potted 15 medium and small pots of flowers and 3 large ones. I dug up the soil in the yard and mixed it in with some garden soil. I planted 7 new plants in the yard. The only thing Husband helped with was the brick (which, as you can see, we need a couple more layers of to make a retaining wall) and the mulch.

I just love it... it's like a whole new yard. And never mind the dead grass, because the flowers and plants make it pretty anyway. (Although we are going to re-sod the dead parts and put in some new sod up to the retaining wall.)

Oh, and doing that, I forgot about sunscreen (rookie mistake). This is me two days later, although I couldn't really get a great picture. You'll have to imagine what it looked like originally. In my defense, it's my first real time outside this year, so I had no base coat at all.

And I've cleaned my main floor and the master bedroom thoroughly, and tidied up the basement areas and bedroom (my mother-in-law was here for the weekend). I'd bought a white quilt and some throw pillows for our bedroom to give our room a fresh, summery feel, but I didn't allow myself to set up the bed until our room was clean clean clean.

So I'm back in the saddle of living in a liveable, even peaceful, pretty house.

This morning I got up and went for a run. I haven't been on a run in a really long time. It's been at least a month since I went to the gym, and probably two or three months (or four?) since I ran outside. It was super windy, but the sun was shining warmly and I pushed myself, but not too much. It felt delicious. I'm going grocery shopping today, and we've cooked at home the last two nights.

Yes, I'm back in the saddle of being healthy, and feeling good about myself.

After I got back from my run, I poured myself a cup of coffee (which had been brewing while I ran), added a dash of cream, sugar, and cinnamon, and took the dog to sit on the front steps, which, in the morning, are bathed in sunshine. There, amidst all my beautiful flowers, I drank my coffee, basking in the tranquility, and listening to this song, which always gets my heart tuned into the right place. Always. It's been a while since I've heard it, so I played it twice. Starting at about 4:45 is the best, in case you don't want to listen to the whole thing. And I just felt calm, and inspired, and ready to keep going.

I went to church yesterday with my mom and MIL at a different church than my own, and the pastor asked this question: Are you in the same place spiritually as you were last month? Six months ago? Last year? Well, I know that if I were to answer that honestly, I haven't grown at all in the last month or so. Remember there was that season of incredible revelation and growth earlier this year? I started to live on the leftovers of that, much like a car running on the fumes of gasoline that used to fill the tank. I caught myself, jumped back in, but, as any teacher knows, barely survived the end of the year, and stopped reading, journaling, and reflecting. But that season is finished.

And I'm back in the saddle of spending time with the One.

I hope that if I ever do fall off of a horse, I will not hestitate to jump right back on, because if life teaches me anything, it is that it is always better when you push through, allow the One to help you conquer your fear, and keep going. Put that foot in the stirrup, swing your leg over, and keep riding.

Re-set, and press On.

Almost there

2011-05-22T21:08:00.002-06:00

Oh Summer, come soon.

I'm almost there. One more week with students and then another week of sorting, organizing, cleaning in the classroom, and then D.O.N.E.

The majority of the stressful to-do list is done, and I'm on to the final bits and pieces of things that, whether I get them done or not, will be over in about a week. I'm down to grading the last odds and ends of missing work, editing, administering, and grading final exams and projects, and a few meetings.

Summer is going to be full...... today I was telling Husband I am even a little stressed about it, because somehow, yet again, it will be jam packed full of things to do. Still, I can't wait for it. I was going through Facebook pictures to today (because I needed a break from creating my online final) and thinking of all the fun things that I get to to do.

BUT. I think I've got a plan of attack for the summer, with some much needed me time spaced into the busyness. Some of those busy things include VBX at church, a Nebraska wedding, StuCo Camp, visiting my BFF at her new place in Arizona, and more. I think we even are working it out that Husband will get to go to San Fran and visit his BFF from high school, who was the best man at our wedding. It's about time he get to do something fun.

Speaking of Husband, what I MOST want to do is spend time with him this summer. I want to cook yummy good meals for him, play outside, work outside (finish that back"yard"), go to fun things with him, and more. He's really, truly, seriously, the best, and I'm having a little Hubby withdrawl from the last two weeks (I was never home. Ever.) We have seen each other a lot more this weekend, in the company of our sisters, so that's been fun, but I want some time with him where I'm not always thinking about the next thing I have to do (which is all I do these days).

Bring on the summer.

End of Year Madness

2011-05-11T20:07:00.000-06:00

A five minute post on where I've been and where I'm going:

1. We're in the last three weeks of school. Seniors finish this Friday (yes, Friday the 13th, how fitting) and everyone else finishes the 27th. With Seniors done this week, I have to get all their grades entered asap. Underclassmen need to know what they are missing so they can scramble to get their grades up. I've been doing a lot of grading.

2. StuCo is wrapping up, but that doesn't mean it's slowing down. We threw a big evening of fun last Friday, had an end of year senior evening called Senior Sunrise, have a dance for incoming 9th graders, an assembly, a end of year shin dig, and Induction. Not to mention having to attend Senior awards night, which lasts three hours usually.

3. I have to go to at least 3 graduations, if not 4. My sister's college graduation, my school's graduation, and one or two graduations of the girls I have been mentoring. Oh, and that's all within two days.

4. I have to finish teaching. And finish online teaching. And create, give, and grade final exams.

Wanna brief glimpse at my calendar as of late? I'll only go back to last Friday.

Friday the 6th: Spring Fling event at school, 6 - 10 pm (home at 11)

Monday the 9th: State StuCo Camp Meeting in Denver at 3 pm, Senior Sunset at school 7 - 8:30 pm (home at 9, after having left the house at 6:30 am)

Tuesday the 10th: Choir Concert at school, 7 - 9 pm

Wednesday the 11th: Sister-in-law's birthday dinner

Thursday the 12th: Senior Awards night at school, 6:30 - 9:30 ish.

Friday the 13th: Assembly during school, hosting the 8th grade passage dance from 4 - 6 pm, Church Small group from 6:30 - whenever.

Saturday the 14th: StuCo End of Year Farewell Retreat, 9 - 4 pm at my parents', but I have to shop before and clean up after.

Monday the 16th: StuCo Induction, 5 - 8:30 ish at school, including set up and clean up.

Tuesday the 17th: Choir Concert at my mom's school, 7 - 9 pm.

Thursday the 19th: My school's graduation

Friday the 20th: My sister's college graduation at 10 am, and my mentee's high school graduation at 6 pm.

Saturday the 21st: U2 Concert.

Monday - Friday the 23rd - 27th: Finals Week

Friday the 27th: My other mentee's graduation and a friend's wedding, at the same time. Husband is going to the wedding, me to the graduation. I'll try to make it to the reception.

I kind of feel like this......Do you blame me?

I'm thinking Husband and I need a romantic night away after all of this.

But please note - I love almost everything about my job. It's just that this time of the year is INSANE. Someone asked me recently if things were winding down. Ha. They speed up and then come to a screeching halt. But I love it, I really do - at least, the part with the kids. The grading and planning I could use a break from. :)

Freedom

2011-04-30T10:16:00.000-06:00

Freedom, I realized, is a word I've been hearing and thinking a lot about lately, but hadn't really spent any time connecting the pieces. Freedom is something we long for, we cling to. Moments like this one (albeit a movie) speak to the core of our souls, because we long to be free.

Ah... a moment. We had a similar one at our school for Veteran's day this year, when a local Vietnam vet spoke to our students, sharing his reflections and how, when he came home, he was spit on, and mocked, and made fun of.... but that what he cared most about, was this one thing- he stepped away from the podium, away from the microphone, flung his arms wide, shouted Freedom! And we all were moved.

Freedom is a powerful concept.

A few weeks ago I had the chance to share a short testimony at an evening for high school girls at church called, appropriately, Freedom Night. There was worship, testimonies, a question panel, and a time of reflection, and a couple of beautiful ballet pieces to, mostly, Barlow Girl songs. Topics included self-image, relationships, sexuality, and more. It was intense, and so powerful. I was asked to give a brief testimony (like 5 minutes) on self-image and my freedom from my struggles. I was so freaked out about the whole time limit thing (I'm a talker), and there were so many components to my story, that I finally, about 30 minutes before I was supposed to arrive at the church, jotted down my thoughts, which, as I wrote, realized, although not necessarily a narrative, were my story. A friend asked me to share those words on my blog, so here they are.

Insecurity. Meaning I don't feel safe in my own skin. Self image tied to self worth. The video (referring to the Dove Evolution Video) says we have a distorted image of beauty. I knew that, but didn't believe it. Skinny people always taling about the tragedy of eating disorders. Be quiet, skinny people. I wasn't skinny, but I wasn't fat. I wasn't ugly, but I wasn't beautiful. What was my worth? Always comparing myself to others, measuring myself. I look better than her.. oh, but not as good as her. I'm skinner than her... yuck, but fatter than her.

All of these thoughts show some of my disordered thinmking, which lead to disordered behavior. Should I eat today, after all I ate already? Never good enough. A perpetual obession. No control.

Freedom.

I was made by The God who made the goregous mountains, the intricate beauty of flowers, the shimmery diamonds of the sea. I am always in awe of his perfection. He created ALL beautiful things.

And he created ME.

And more. He LOVES me.

He who has all things in his hands

Loves

Me.

My big smile, my oversized my ribcage, my blueeyes, my doughy stomach.

And if I am measuring myself by any other standar, if my worth is coming from anything, it ought to be that.

That I am loved and I was made THIS way, with THIS body and face, by THE ONE.

It doesn't mean sometimes I don't still compar myself, or that I don't have days I feel fat, or days where I forget, and put myself down because of how I look.

But then I remember.

If I let my identity, my worth, be based in anything else, I will me miserable. I must make a choice, a daily choice, to remember.

I am NOT defined by the world's image of beauty, because I am FREE from those expectations.

I was made by a Master Artist, THE Master Artist of ALL things beautiful.

And He Loves Me.

So I am Beautiful.

And I am Free.

There's more to my thoughts on freedom. This morning I was praying for several people and the need for their freedom kept coming to my heart. We are held captive, the scripture says, and HE came to set us FREE.

"Fight, and you may die. Run, and you may live. At least a while." What kind of life is it when we are captives? Freedom does not come easily, I think. It requires persistence, dedication, perseverance, heartbreak, sweat, and tears.

Yet we crave it. We need it. And He offers it.

I claim that word today. May you also.

Mondays

2011-04-25T07:19:00.001-06:00

You know the expression, "A Case of the Mondays"?

Poor Mondays. They have earned such a bad reputation over the years, purported to be the worst day of the week, the day work resumes, where fun ends. Nobody seems to like Mondays.

Yet, are they really any worse than any other day? Sure, we like Wednesdays, because they are the "halfway" point of the work week... but if we're honest, we know that we still have two more days of work to come. And Thursdays? Just awful, because they feel like Fridays, but aren't. Sunday? The day before the dreaded day. How many Sundays have lost their sparkle because someone thought, "man, I have to go back to work tomorrow"? Even Saturdays, the best day, can be a challenge as we rush to do all the things we couldn't get done during the work week.

What did Monday do, though, to deserve such a reputation?

Do we truly hate our jobs that much? What a sad commentary on our society that our careers are viewed as the worst part of the week, particularly since we Americans spend a heck of a lot of time working. In most of the Hispanic cultures, people work to live, not live to work, yet still manage to work with the spirit of "the fiesta" in their hearts.

I am busy. (You know that.) I don't like how busy I am, and I bit off more than I could figuratively chew this year, so I manage, but live a life in a state of perpetually behind. And it's not my favorite. I pretty much hate creating online curriculum every weekend, and look forward to the day (in a month!) when I am done with that. I won't do it again next year, even if it means a paycut. Grading piles up. Meetings seem to take forever.

But I love my job, you know? Because every day I get to hang out with some of tWhe coolest people in the world, I think. These kids are the face of the future. They are our next doctors, lawyers, presidents, politicians, heros, visionaries. When given the chance to show who they are, they shine, and when given the chance to get out of the boxes we stick them in, they reveal that they care about others and the world. Right now they want to be anything and everything, and they don't think about their future Mondays as they day they have to go back to their dreaded job. They want their jobs to be something they LOVE.

Why have we lost that? Even if our job is something that just pays the bills, it probably involves other people, and when there are people around, there is always worth, and joy can always be found.

To Mondays, a great day, I think.

May we choose to pursue our endeavours today with joy, with passion, with zeal. Let's not create another generation who thinks "a case of the Mondays" is a bad thing. Instead, let's change that expression to mean that someone is excited to do what they are doing, that they are doing it with passion, and that they are inspiring others to do the same.

Oh, and to be truthful, what Monday isn't better when it's actually daylight when I leave the house? What a joy it was to walk out my front door at 6:20, expecting darkness, and being greeted with light? Oh, how I love Spring and Summer.

Faithful to the End

2011-04-20T13:15:00.000-06:00

I've been listening to this song on repeat every time I get in the car and alternating between singing my heart out and just being enveloped in every chord, every note, every word.

In searching for a video with the song to show you, I came across this one of a young woman dancing to the song and was enthralled with another layer of depth.

Watch her passion. Or close your eyes and just listen. Or turn it up and dance yourself.

Glory to the Righteous One. HE is faithful to the end, He is faithul to my heart.

Song: Faithful to the End by Cory Asbury

He Is Faithful

2011-04-19T07:33:00.000-06:00

Today looks a little like this.

(This is from the Plaza de España en Olviedo, Spain.... I haven't been to this particular plaza, but it reminds me of the church and plaza in the town I lived in.)

Oh no, you think. The title, "He is Faithful"? Pictures of a rainy day? What's wrong?

Absolutely nothing. I LOVE rainy days.

They speak to me, to the very core of my being.

And as I was on my way to work this morning, as I listened to a CD that a friend gave me, one of those songs came on. You know, one of those songs, where the very chords and instrumentation seep into your heart and speak, where words are rendered nearly unnecessary. But when you do hear them, it's complete. You've been touched.

Yeah, one of those songs.

He is faithful, faithful to the end.

They sang.

I heard.

And like the drops of rain that fall, creating ripples that touch other ripples, I need to remind everyone.

He is faithful, right unto the very End.

Little Ways #1: A Good Cup of Coffee

2011-04-11T08:12:00.000-06:00

My quest into adulthood (now that I'm nearly 29, ha!) and living, as my friend Dawn calls it, the Good Life, includes searching for Little Ways to make every day feel like a day off.

(Haven't read about this yet? Go here to read why my blog is called Like a Day Off and here to read about the Little Ways series.)

If you've read me for a while now, you know that I love coffee. A good cup of coffee is referenced several times in many posts, not even including the couple of posts completed dedicated to the Gingerbread Latte, my favorite around the holidays.

Seriously, though, I love coffee. I don't need the caffeinne; I just love the flavor, the aroma, the goodness and happiness I feel when I sip it.

But a GOOD cup of coffee, one to make that moment feel like a day off, requires a couple of things, in my book:

1. It's temperature needs to be the opposite of the weather. If it's cold or even a little chilly, the coffee needs to be hot, warming you from the inside out. If it's warm or hot outdoors, then a refreshing iced coffee is in order. A GOOD cup of coffee is exactly what you need to feel warmer or cooler, as the case may be.

2. It needs to be enjoyed. A cup of coffee while getting for work is okay, and a cup while teaching is still lovely, but a GOOD cup of coffee needs to be savored. To be enjoyed while reading a book or having conversation with a friend or even, sometimes, just sitting and simply being.

A GOOD cup of coffee can make any moment feel like a day off. Too often we rush through our morning coffee or drink it while working, not even savoring the deliciousness it provides. This morning I had the chance to sit with my sister for about 15 minutes at Starbucks and chat and really enjoy a cup of coffee, even though it was short. And truthfully, it was wonderful.

What is your favorite coffee or beverage ritual? How do you use it to create a moment of space in your day?

Here's to the Little Ways!

Five- Minute Friday

2011-04-08T09:17:00.001-06:00

Okay, it's going to be a two-post day. I had already written my post on "What I'd Really Tell you Over Coffee" to link up with the Girls over at Home Sanctuary when I saw Lisa's Five-Minute Friday topic, "If You Met Me." I didn't think just linking to my long post would be fair, so I'm double-posting today.

You should read both. :)

If You Met Me.....

Go.

You would see that, while I'm not old, I'm starting to have crinkley-wrinkleys around my eyes and mouth, and that I like them, because they are from smiling. I love to laugh and smile and be happy, all of which happen from spending time with people.

You would find out how much I love teaching, and how I feel like it's my ministry, even though it's not "Ministry." If I could teach a class just about life, I would do it in a heartbeat. I love talking with students about their lives and learning with them the tools to live successfully (not the world's definition of success, by the way) and joyfully. That's why I teach leadership and life skills in Student Council and why I love pow-wows and tangents about the World and life in Spanish.

You would know that I love Husband, and that we are working on being our grown-up selves and learning from the One, and that we're excited about the growth and stretching He's having us do. And that we're going to start trying to have kids and that it's scary (see other post from today).

And you'd know that I'm busy, but that I hate the word busy, because it means almost nothing in today's society. And that I am working on trying to find balance and margin.

Stop.

That was fun. I'll have to remember 5-Minute Fridays from now on!

What I'd Really Tell You Over Coffee

2011-04-08T08:24:00.006-06:00

Sipping on a now cooling cup of coffee, listening to a mix on Pandora, and being thankful it's Friday. Some weeks, although not bad ones, just seem to last longer. This has been one of them...

I wrote last Friday a quick post about Student Council elections and telling students they did or did not make it... it was definitely not fun to see the absolute dejection on some of their faces. And we're not done - this week was regular class officer elections, so I'll get to, as I told Husband this morning, crush some more students' hopes today. Fun! But the good news is, it's high school, and it's character building, right? (Tell that to them, see if it makes a difference....) Truthfully though, it will be exciting to get to see who I'll have in class next year, thus beginning the awkward limbo of finishing this year well and looking forward to the future.

Before I go into anything serious, I should tell you I have an addiction, and a pretty big one, at that. It almost rivals my love for Gingerbread Lattes..... I eagerly anticipate the arrival of these bags of goodness each year, and everyone knows it - I got facebook posts and text messages from college friends about how the purple bags were back in the holiday aisle.

Mmmm.. Delicious. Cadbury Mini Eggs, my favorite Easter candy.

I've eaten a few so far.... umm, yes, I mean a few bags. To be fair, Husband has helped me quite a bit - but I believe we've gone through 5 bags....... (and I have two more hidden away for later). Oh Cadbury Mini Eggs, how I love thee.

And on to the more serious things.

Are you ready for this? It's kind of big. I'm a little bit surprised at myself for even thinking about blogging it, but then I figured, so few people read this anyway, what's the difference? Husband and I have decided that we are no longer going to skirt around the issue of kids. For several months we've been in the "we're not trying but we're not not trying" phase of life, and it's been nice. No pressure, no worries. But over Spring Break and some more in-depth conversations, we decided it's time to be committed.

We're going to start trying to have kids.

Shoot, I'm stressed just typing those eight words.

It's a little intimidating, to be sure, for a lot of reasons. I mean, we're only just really trying to step into our grown-up selves. Kids? Are we nuts? I love sleeping. Am I ready to not do that? (I know, right, how silly is that? I'm worried about sleep?) I have to work a full -time job (not just have to - want to - I LOVE my job). How will I do that and still be there a lot? (And sleep, when will I sleep?) And I teach high school - I see what these kids go through! Will we be able to prepare them to live in this world and to do it while loving God? (I'll be awake at night wondering if they are making good choices....) I could write for hours all the big things this decision implies, but that would be borrowing a lot of trouble, and I'm not even pregnant.

But, a friend of mine, who isn't even a Christian, told it to me straight a while back. "If good people," she said (insert "people who really love God"), "don't have children, then there isn't any hope for the future." And I know that God is with us, and if He wants us to be parents, He'll allow it, and He'll walk through parenthood with us. So deep breaths, Beth.

While I'm being honest, I am going to tell you another truth. (You may not want to read this part - I'm going to be a little blunt and write something my mother definitely would not think I should blog about.)

Seriously, you might want to skip it, I'm just saying. It's not bad, it's just very real and very non-talked about it public circles.

Did you know that in order to have children naturally, you have to have sex? It's true, in case you didn't know. And that becomes an issue for me, if I'm being real. I have some residual emotional issues left over from a time of life that wasn't so good, and I have an incredibly low libido, and while I like being close to my husband and making him happy, I don't love sex. And I don't desire it. And I could go forever without it.

And that won't work, if I want to have kids. And it won't work even if I don't want to have kids, because I'm learning that sex is pretty dang vital in a healthy marriage. I've read a couple of great books on the topic, but nothing has really changed. Right now, though, I'm reading the book Sheet Music by Dr. Kevin Lehman because a friend who empathizes with me recommended it. It's intense. I mean, intense. And scary, and blunt, and full of things that you don't normally read in a Christian book. And it's challenging me to think about sex differently and to think about being with Husband differently, to try things I've not done, to work towards things I've not yet experienced in three years of marriage.....

Hoo-eee, can't believe I'm typing this. I'd talk to you about it over coffee, sure, but umm... right now I can't see your face and gauge how you're responding. Let me sip my coffee here and imagine we're best friends and you are sitting across from me sipping your coffee and nodding that you understand.

That's about all the "real" I can throw out for now. I'll have to garner up a little more courage another day.

Can I just say this? It's a bit scary to be real, but I can't help it right now. It's who I am, and this is what is on my heart. God has been growing me a lot recently, and this week, these have been some of the thoughts. I don't ever want to not share what God has been saying, because I don't ever want to come close to shutting Him out or ignoring Him. And I'm excited. I haven't felt so stretched and good in a long time.

I like it.

Happy Friday, friends. May your weekends be restful, blessed, and beautiful.

Participating in our weekly Coffee Company Blog Hop over at Home Sanctuary.

Editor's Note: Just so you know, I was never abused or mistreated sexually in any way in my childhood or at any time - in fact, I think my parents raised me with a pretty healthy view of sex. When I referenced some residual emotional issues, they are the result of my own willful disobedience during a dark time of life, nothing else. I think we as women come to the marriage bed with a variety of issues, some worse than others, and while it sex a BIG struggle for me, I would never want to minimalize the true issues that come from abuse or indicate that I have overcome something like that, because the women who have done so are worthy of my respect and admiration.

A New Back Yard

2011-04-03T19:30:00.001-06:00

I've mentioned before that we live in a townhome. I like it almost all of the time, although sometimes I desperately wish I was not connected to my neighbors - or at least, not these neighbors - and recently I've been frustrated with our HOA - their maintenance people killed all the perennial plants and flowers I'd planted by over-prunning and stomping on and not caring about them and recently lobbed off several beautiful and healthy branches off the tree in our yard, leaving it scarred and bare. But I digress.

One thing that we loved at first was that, while the other townhomes had cement slabs outside the backdoor and, usually, dirt, (although there are some that I've seen - yes - that means I've peered over fences - that are lovely, with patios and grass), we had a deck covering the entire space. It wasn't the nicest deck, but we enjoy grilling on it and sitting out there on warm summer evenings. We had plans to sand and refinish it, make it nice.

Enter Ginny, the wonder puppy. No yard means we have to walk her every time she needs to go out. We don't mind letting her go in our tiny front yard occasionally, but it's not the best for when she has to go "big potty," as a friend of mine in college called it. Let's face it, in a townhome community, who wants to see dog poop on a tiny little plot of grass? So we have to walk her all the time. Our deck? Not so wonderful now.

So I proposed tearing out the deck, putting in a patio and a small plot of grass, and, surprisingly, Husband agreed. I imagined we would start this project later, but not Husband. Weeks ago I came home one day to see a few planks torn out - Husband's typical rash beginning of a project.

Yesterday he finally got around to part two.... and my sister Becca pitched in.

I guess we're on our way. Wish us luck - summer is a-coming!

Eeeeek

2011-04-01T11:41:00.001-06:00

I have to tell the students who ran for Executive Council (basically our top Council- Student Body Presdident, etc.) who won and who did not win today after school. And it's no April Fool's joke to them.

I just finished counting the votes and now know who I'll be spending excessive amounts of time with next year.... and also know who is going to be absolutely crushed when I tell them. Boo, that's my least favorite part.

Normally I can encourage them by saying that we really need strong Seniors on Senior Class Council, and normally the people who don't make Exec do make Senior.... but I can't say that confidently this year because there will be 12 people running for 6 slots. This is a record for us, I think. I can't remember ever having more than 8 or 9 people running for a class Council. It's good, and exciting, because we're doing something right that people want to be a part of......

But I hate telling people they lost. I lost StuCo elections when I was in high school, first when I ran my sophomore year for Junior Council, and then when I ran to be on Exec. Fortunately I still made Senior Secretary, but I remember how awful I felt those first few days between the two elections.

Yuck.

After we get all the elections over, I can be excited for who will be on Council next year. Until then, I hate this part. And that is not an April Fool's Day joke, either.

Backlogged

2011-03-30T20:01:00.000-06:00

You know how you sometimes start composing blog posts in your head when you can't get to the computer? Or you snap some pictures of something you know you'll want to blog about later?

I've been doing that a lot recently. When I say a lot, I mean my blog-brain is backlogged.   Seriously backlogged.

(Okay, random aside. I'm looking at the word backlogged and thinking, "did I spell that right? wait, is that even a real word? do I need to change it to something else?" I mean it, I'm having a total self-doubt moment about that word.)

If I wait to find the time to post all my brain-blog posts, you'll never get to read them, and it will be a looooong time before I blog again.
So, instead, I'll give the Spark Notes version of the posts I would have written. And, if, as I summarize, something really sticks with me, I might write a whole post on it soon. We'll see.

Backlogged Post #1: Spring Cleaning Round 1. Last week I was on Spring Break from school and decided to tackle some of the mess in my house. I started reading Organized Simplicity, by Tsh Oxenreider. I haven't finished yet, but I am looking forward to continuing more. I picked up all the crap on the main floor, in the master bedroom, in the bathrooms, and in the upstairs guest room. I put stuff away in the basement TV room. I dusted and vacuumed everything, cleaned the kitchen and all the bathrooms. I did laundry and put it away, and I even vacummed the screens and washed the windows. I took before pictures on Husband's camera (alas, mine really does appear to have been stolen), but forgot to get around to taking the after pictures.   (editor's note: several days have gone by - things are still mostly uncluttered and looking good, but the trick will be keeping it that way and clean.)

Backlogged Post #2: Being a Grown Up. I feel like God is really calling me to embrace the fact that I am a "grown up." A couple of weeks ago I realized that somewhere I learned to take "you're so young" as "you're inferior and incompetent." No one said that of course, I just heard it. Anyway, it has been a bit scary but a lot freeing to attempt to embrace my grown up self. Husband started hearing it, too, and we went from talking about it to hearing a sermon that spoke to our hearts immediately within an hour. Clear as a whistle, God. In embrace-your-grown-up-self attempt #1, we invited our church small group over for dinner. It didn't turn out the way we expected, but we still ended up having a great time getting to know one family we didn't really know yet. There was definitely a moment when everything seemed like it was falling apart - but I was so convinced God is trying to grow me that I refused to give in to the lies I was hearing.

Backlogged Post #3: Time. You know me, I don't have a lot of it. But over Spring Break, I intentionally chose to not go anywhere (well, I don't have any money to do that, anyway) or to fill my schedule with lots of coffee and lunch dates. I knew I wanted to clean my house (see #1) and do some work, but I also knew I wanted to have Time. I spent some quality time with my mom over coffee and lunch a couple of times, which was much needed. I slept in every day until 8:30. And I read. I read four and a half books. I finished The Moonstone, by Wilkie Collins. I went to the library and got eight books, and read four of them in four or five days. Invitation to Provence, by Elizabeth Adler, Angel Harp, by Michael Phillips, Faces of the Gone, by Brad Parks, and The Lost Gate, by Orson Scott Card. I wouldn't really recommend Invitation to Provence, but Angel Harp was a great Christian Historical Fiction set in Scotland. Faces of the Gone was a mystery. Good, but not great. The Lost Gate was really intriguing, but has an intresting twist on gods and magic, so if you aren't into that, you won't like it.   Now that school is back in session, it will probably take me a few days each at least to read the other four books.   Having time to do that was so life-giving.

Backlogged Post #4: March Madness. That's right, I have been paying attention to the March Madness basketball tournament. A friend of mine's hubby is an assistant coach at the University of Richmond who ended up playing in Round 2 and 3 nearby us. I couldn't pass that up, could I? St Patty's day, the day before our Spring Break, my dad, friend, and Husband and I headed to Denver for a day of basketball. (this is hush hush since I took a day off work for it.... I had a "once in a lifetime family committment") to watch the Louisville-Morehead game and the Richmond-Vanderbilt game. We sat waaaay up high, almost as far as you could go, but it was awesome. As the Spiders won (woohoo), they played again in Round 3 on Saturday. That time we were given tickets in the 5th row from the court, right behind the Richmond bench. Dad, Sister, Husband, and I were freaking stoked to watch Richmond beat Morehead, and then stayed to watch BYU beat Gonzaga. Richmond went onto the Sweet 16, but sadly lost to Kansas.

Backlogged Post #5: Student Council Elections. I'm running elections for the next three weeks or so. This week, the five Executive Council positions. Next week, the 18 Class Officer positions. The next two weeks, the 12 teacher-nominated Class Representatives positions. My thoughts are swimming with recently-read cover letters, personal view questions, teacher recommendations, and interview questionnaires. It's a bit odd to think about next year already, when we have two months of this year left, but it's also really exciting. There are some great candidates running and I can't help but be excited for next year, a chance to do some things a little differently and to continue serving our school.

Backlogged Post #6: My heart. It's full. It's been learning a lot. I can't really share it all in a mini-post, but I think you'll get the point, anyway. God's been teaching me things - I've shared some of them in past posts - and it's been amazing. I definitely feel like it could be easy to be attacked or side-tracked if I'm not careful and not committed to continuing the conversations He and I have been having, but for now, I'm just amazed with how great He is and how, even though things are not easy, they are Good. And how much He's been speaking to me. And really, it makes my heart full.

Okay, that's it for now. I am sure there were more, but really, you don't want to read any more, and I think I am going to go work on finishing the fifth library book before bed.

Little Ways: A New Series

2011-03-13T12:18:00.000-06:00

Have you read my first post, Like A Day Off, where I first described the inspiration for my blog title?

Several months after reading that Dove promise and a plethora of posts describing my busy life, I added the tag line, "learning how to live a busy life."

The reality is that I am busy. And you know, if you have followed me for a while, that I hate the word busy, because it really is almost meaningless in this day and age, and certainly, in my life. Regardless of my dislike for the word, the reality remains true. I'm busy. All the time. And I know that you, most definitely, are busy, too. Sometimes I fall into the trap of a little jealousy and bitterness about others whose lives are "less busy" - but who am I kidding? We're all freakishly busy. Our lives are full of things, and not so full of margin.

Margin has been something I've been thinking about, praying about, and even working on a lot in the past few months. As God has been teaching me things (as I've finally been listening to Him more), I've also felt the need for more magin and have been trying to find ways to build it into my life.

And you know what? I've discovered that, when I've created margin for myself, for my family, for God, I end up getting everything else I needed to get done, done.

Let me honest for a moment, though. I often don't create margin, I just get lazy. And when I'm lazy and do nothing, then I don't actualy get all the other stuff done, either, and I increase my stress load greatly. For me, at least, there is a big difference between "doing nothing" and margin. Margin has to be intentional, I'm learning.

Back to the point. I've decided that, in an effort to continue my journey on learning to live a busy life, I'm creating a series called "Little Ways." I'm not sure how often I'll post to this series - once a week? once a month? - but I'll post some of the real little ways I'm living life like a day off.

I ask you to think about how YOU create margin, too, and how YOU find little ways to live like a day off. I'll include your Little Ways, too. I can't wait to learn from you!

So here's to finding Little Ways to live, my friends. Can't wait to see where this leads.

The Epic Cookie Fail

2011-03-06T20:45:00.000-07:00

I was talking to my friend Brooke on the phone this afternoon. She's moving in a couple of months and is working on using the food in her pantry before she goes and mentioned that she was going to bake a pumpkin pie since she had some leftover pumpkin in the freezer. I commented that I had a few cans of pumpkin in the pantry and got it my head that, after I finished doing some grading, I would make some pumpkin chocolate chip cookies. I know, it's not the right time of year, but it sounded delicious.

So after I'd reheated myself some pizza and finished my grading, I whipped up some cookie dough. We can't find our measuring spoons, so I eyeballed it, but the dough tasted so good, I wasn't worried.

Batch one came out a little gooey. I added a little more baking powder, figuring that I just hadn't guessed the right amount.

Batch two. Even more gooey than batch one. In fact, they were not even done, so I just threw it back in the bowl. Stupid idea, because the choclate chips had melted, which turned the whole dough brown instead of orange.

Called my mom. Decided it must need more flour. Added some more.

Batch three, the same as before. Sigh. I quit.

Reach to turn the oven off.

Oh. My. Gosh. The oven is off. I must have turned it off out of habit after I reheated the pizza.

Turned the oven back on and let it re-heat.

Put in batch four. Not gooey at all. Too dry, because they had too much flour.

Oh well! I threw out what was left of the dough.

Hence, the Epic Cookie Fail.

I would have posted pictures, but I think my camera was stolen from school.

Sadie's Week

2011-02-23T08:33:00.000-07:00

It's Sadie's Week at my high school.

You know, Sadie Hawkins. The dance where the girls ask the guys. Except for at my school, it's a big dang deal. Sure, girls ask guys, but also groups of people go together for fun, like Homecoming. We have lots of events going on during the week and a huge assembly and big decorations at the dance.... and spirit dress up days all week.

Our theme this year? Time Warp. It's a Back to the Future meets Grease meets Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure (which none of my students have ever heard of) meets all the decades, including "the future."

How do we get to dress up?

Well, yesterday was Hippie Day. Lots of peace signs, flowing skirts, headbands, peasant blouses, and more.

Today, 50s Day. Most girls are more for the "Pink Lady" kind of a look since they seem to all have outgrown their poodle skirts from elementary school. The boys are rocking the slicked back hair, white tees, and leather jackets.

Tomorrow, 80s Workout Day. I fully anticipate seeing a plethora of spandex and neon colors. Oh dear.

Friday we journey back to the present and have a school colors spirit day, which could result in outfits of all sorts.

For the dance itself, kids can wear whatever decade they want - I've already heard that several cavemen are attending.

Anyway, each day I've been putting on Pandora and setting it to the approximate decade of the day. Yesterday we rocked out to a lot of Simon and Garfunkel. Today, it's a lot of doo-wop and motown. Tomorrow, some Cindy Lauper.

I'm having THE best week. It turns out that I grew up listenting to 50s and 60s music because my dad is (old). Please note, my mom is not old - in fact, she's several years younger than Dad.

Regardless, I feel like I'm back in my childhood, especially today. I know ALL the words to ALL the songs. I just want to dance around and sing and be happy and silly. Forget teaching!

The downside to Sadie's week? I'll be here pretty much from 6:30 am to 10:30 pm on Thursday and from 8 am until midnight on Saturday.

But right now, I'm not thinking about that.

I'm just doing the hand jive.

Choices

2011-02-18T08:15:00.002-07:00

Today I choose to ignore the busyness I have going on. I choose to ignore the four weeks of chaos that stand before me. I choose to not post about everything going on in my busy world. I choose to be light-hearted today.

I choose to proactively do the things I need to do today. I choose to do them with a smile on my face.

I choose to listen to my music loudly in my classroom during my planning period, because it makes me happy. I choose to turn off the flourescents and just let the light stream in from the windows.

Today I choose to ponder. I'll ponder Jesus. I'll ponder life.

I choose not to dwell on things that make me or bog me down. I choose to live right now. I choose to do the things for which I am responsible, but I choose to do so with joy and without thinking about what I am supposed to do next.

I choose to say nothing negative today, about myself, or anyone, or anything else.

I choose freedom, today.

Here's a song that came up on Pandora and made me happy. No, it's not Jesus-y. Nope, it's not really inspirational. No, the message isn't the best message ever. It just makes me happy. I liked the original version, and I like this version, too. I smiled and turned it up a little. The math class next door surely would like to hear it, too.

Happy Friday!

Blog Hopping with my favorite friends for some Coffee Company. Enjoy!

Powered by Linky Tools

Click here to enter your link and view this Linky Tools list...

Margin

2011-02-16T10:23:00.000-07:00

Can I tell you the first thought that just popped into my head when I wrote the title "Margin" just now?

It was that margin and margarine are very similiar sounding words. And then I wondered why. And then I was off on a brain-tangent about how perhaps it's becuase margarine affects your margin. And then I began to wonder if you would say it increases or decreases your margin, depending on what you think a person's margin would be - the space you actually take up or the space you are not taking up. And now that I've typed margin five times, I'm not even sure if that's how you spell it anymore.

Whew. Welcome to a minute in my brain.

Back to my original post.

I'm slowly working my way through The Love Dare. I assume Husband won't read my blog and read this, because I'm doing it without telling him. Nevermind that the book is on my nightstand all the time - he doesn't pay attention to those things.

Anyway, yesterday's dare was to think about ways we need margin in our lives, because lives without margin lead to selfishness and irritability.

Yikes, I'm in trouble.

I don't have a lot of margin right now. (Aside; although if physical margin is defined as how much space you actually take up, then I do have a lot of margin, because I have recently been asked if I'm pregnant - nope, just chubby.) I'm pretty - oh, dreaded "b" word - busy. There's a lot on my to-do list.

Still, I do think I've been working on finding margin. I left my work in the car on Monday and just hung out with Husband for Love Day. I worked out this morning (and have worked out more in the last two months than in the previous six). I am doing pretty well at making time for people, and even am really spending some more time with The One and learning.

I even quit a task force that I was on, because I'm really trying. Yes, people who know me, I let something go. Aren't you proud?

Still, I haven't done this Dare yet, because I'm just not sure what I'll find, or what I'll be able to do.

What about you?

What areas of margin do you need in your life? How do you find them or find time for them?

Let me know.

I've Caught the Bug

2011-02-13T18:02:00.000-07:00

It's true. I've caught the bug.

But not the bug you're thinking, don't worry. Aside from the little cold I've been nursing for the last week, I'm as healthy as can be.

Nope, I've caught the I-wish-it-was-summer bug.

This, my friends, is an unheard of occurence.

I love fall and winter a ridiculous amount. Don't get me wrong, I do love spring and summer, too, but I'm not the person who starts wishing for warm weather in February. I'm usually able to hold out until April before dreaming of summer vacation and warmth.

But I had a lovely Saturday in the mountains where I did almost no work, and when we came home today, it was about 65 degrees and sunny. I took the dog for a walk and was hot in my jeans and long sleeve, and it was beautiful and bright and there were people out everywhere. (I know 65 isn't that warm, but hey, we had -20 a couple of weeks ago.)

I put some fun music on and unpacked and started the laundry while the windows were thrown wide-open and the sunlight was streaming in the house. I got the urge to do some cleaning (although I limited myself to cleaning the toilets since I knew I had hours of school work ahead of me). John and I put on our swimsuits and took "before" pictures because we are motivated to get fit and healthy.

It just felt like summer.

And now I'm craving it.

Oh summer. I can't wait to see you.