Seasons

Perhaps one of nature's constants is the changing of the seasons. Each year spring blooms into summer, summer morphs into fall, fall withers into winter, winter melts into spring.  Of course, where I live, our seasons are often jumbled together - it might be winter and summer in the same week.  And, of course, we could then get into the argument about whether or not global warming is messing up the climate and destroying the seasons.... but that conversation would just irk me and ruin my blog post. 

"What's your favorite season?" people often ask. 

I love them all.  I did write a post on why I do love fall, and you can read it here, but truly, I love seasons.  I love the crispness and colors of fall, the spirit and snow of winter, the thawing and newness of spring, and the warmth and fun of summer.

And I love how, each year, they come, and they go.

People are always telling me that this stage of my life is just a season, and that the season will change.  I'm not sure I really believe them anymore. I mean, I do believe that the particular circumstances of the season will change, but the season itself?  I don't see an end in sight.

Busyness is my life.  Sure, you could say it's because I choose to do too many things.  Trust me, though, I have already cut some things out and still am runnning to an end nowhere in sight.

The next season (kids, perhaps?  No annoucement being made, just a logical thought) surely will not be any less busy.  I will still have my job, and I will still want to be a teacher who is invested in her students.  I can't spend every free minute of the day working, not engaging, just so I can go home "empty handed."  I don't think I want to quit Student Council, because I think it's something that, not only do I do well, but that I love.  I would lose one of my favorite parts of teaching if I let it go.  I won't get to be a stay-at-home-mom, not when my kids are little, and not when they are at school.  Instead of taking things out of my busy life, I'll be adding more.

I hear you now.  Kids are worth it, and it is different, because they're you're kids, and you love them, and it changes everything.  And while I don't totally get it, I get it a little.  I do want kids, and I'm ready-ish for that new type of busy season.

I just keep thinking that there isn't really an end in sight.  I'm looking, but I can't see a season where there is a little more time to do other things, to rest, to read, to go on hikes, to exercise.  Perhaps it was my naivety and wishful thinking that led me to believe that all these women who have gone before me and keep telling me that "it's just a season," meant that the season of busyness would change.  Perhaps they really just meant that the circumstances in the busyness will change.

I think I'm having a bit of a 28-year-old-crisis.  I love what I do, and I don't want to not do it, I just want there to be a little more time in the day or the week.  I want to not be behind all the time.  I want to not feel guilty when I blow off work and do something for me.  I want to be healthy. 

Enough.  Please hear me - I do love what I do, and the problem probably comes from the fact that I refuse to do these things less than the best I can.  If I could cut out grading, then I would be golden, but alas, that's a pretty major part of teaching.  The only other thing that could go would be time spent investing in kids, and I refuse to do that, too, because that is what I actually love about my job. 

So season, although you appear to be a very, very, very long one, bring it on.  Perhaps my seasons are all jumbled together, much like in the Colorado way, with a little bit of winter and spring and summer and fall all at once, and I just need to learn to look for the differences in each day, or week, or month, or year.

Well, here's to living the seasons, whatever they may be.