The Power of Fire

I have never shared where I live on this blog (although if you have paid attention, you would have figured it out, at least the state).   But to share with you what we have been going through, well, I have to tell you where I live. 

This is my hometown, Colorado Springs.  I show you these views of Pikes Peak and of Garden of the Gods, because these are the places I have grown up looking for most of my life.  These mountains, these gorgeous, forest-laden mountains, hold places I have often visited, trails I have often hiked, and friends' houses I have often visited.

And if you've been paying any attention to the news in the last few days, those mountains are on fire. 
(In actuality, Colorado is on fire... on Sunday there were 8 forest fires buring across the state, including this one, the Waldo Canyon Fire, and the High Park Fire near Fort Collins, which has burned more than 80,000 acres.)

Saturday afternoon I came home from Husband's softball games, noticing a plume of smoke in the mountains.  By that evening, we knew a pretty big forest fire had broken out.  It seemed like it was mostly going to threaten areas up the mountain, which was upsetting, but life went on.  We watched the news over the next couple of days, tracking it's progress, noting areas that had been evacuated, but still the experience felt a little far off, even as we watched the plumes of smoke.  Sure, we had to keep our windows closed to keep the smoke out, which meant that, for those of us without AC, inside temps reached as high as 88 degrees, cool, compared to the 100 degrees outside.  (Record highs for Colorado, by the way.) 

My family particularly paid attention as they live in a forest on the northeast side of town, knowing that, with the intense dryness and the intense heat, a small spark could light up their world, too.  With all the fires going on around the state, the smoke making our normal views hazy and frightening, and the heat, everything felt a little surreal, and as if anything could happen.

That feeling increased dramatically on Tuesday.

That morning, I headed out for coffee with my mom, followed by a little shopping trip and then a salad from Whole Foods.  From our location, we could see the smoke moving up the ridge of the mountains, towards the north, towards homes, towards the Air Force Academy.  By that afternoon, many reported literally seeing the flames racing down the hills towards the city.  The smoke descended on us, and ash fell all over the city, including at our home, several miles away. 

Watching the news made me want to cry.  Correction, I did cry.  The images were startling, nightmarish, vivid.  Homes were burning, and places we love, like the Flying W. Ranch, where I went many times with my grandparents and family over the years, including the day Husband and I got engaged, burned to the ground. 

What had felt surreal, yet far away, was suddenly very close.  The idea of sleep was almost unimaginable.  I finally made myself turn off the TV and told Husband not to let me turn it back on again.  As a child, I was severely afraid of fire, but over the last many years, that fear had faded, and I had almost forgotten.  Now, suddenly, I remembered. I  am terrified of fire. 

Wednesday morning dawned with a press conference explaining the damage.  The fire had gone from about 6,000 acres to 15,000 in the span of several hours.  An unknown number (now estimated to be in the hundreds) of homes had been lost.  The wind and other weather factors, unable to be controlled by human hand, had caused the fire to become an inferno.  Devastation had ensued.  The Air Force Academy had been evacuated as the fire threatened to continue on it's way.

Yesterday I spent the day at my parents', helping them mitigate a little, just in case, although if a forest fire really were to break out where they live, I don't think anything could really help.  We waited all day to see if the fire would continue raging, or if it would be a good day.  Small rainstorms scattered the area, bringing hope and fear simultaneously.  A little rain would do nothing, but the lightening accompanying it could do serious damage.  Areas to the north were put on pre-evacuation, including the town where my good friend lives.  As she is on vacation in Mexico, I wondered if I should break into her house and get some things for her. 

We learned this morning that the fire increased to 18,000 acres, which, actually, was good news.  No more structures were lost, and they have high hopes for today, expecting the weather to work in their favor.  I pray it does, as everyone knows that in Colorado, the weather never does what it is supposed to do.  There are over 1,000 firefighters fighting this fire, even as others work tirelessly around the state to put out the other fires, too.  Some stupid people have been criticizing them, implying that they didn't work hard enough, that they lost hope, that they let places burn.  As if anyone could control the raging beast that is a forest fire, or control the wind that blows wildly through the mountains.  I sort of would like to hit those stupid people, you know.  Thankfully, the firefighters continue to work endlessly, and are committed to their task.  They've been preparing for this day, for this season, their entire careers.  More thankfully, not one injury or loss of life has been reported, not for a firefighter or for any of the 32,000 evacuees.

Facebook blew up with photos of the fire and prayers for a miracle.  I confess that very little have I prayed.  I know God is big enough, powerful enough, to send a miracle, to send a torrential rain despite the weather forecast.  I know that He works things for His Good (Big "G" Good, as my friend says, not our little "g" good), and that He can work and is working through this experience.  I  know these things. 

But that hasn't stopped me from wondering what the purpose is, really.  Even as I type, I wonder.  Part of it is that is as if our city is in a bad movie, so it almost feels as if it might not be real.  Our eyes are glued to the mountains, to the progression of the smoke.  Our TVs have been constantly on, as we listen with half an ear.  Yet we've also had to go to work, to make dinner, to continue life.  Will still needs to eat, be played with, have his diaper changed.  There's this odd feeling of "what are we doing?" covering everything.  My mom said it best yesterday.  Even as we were outside raking pine needles to mitigate their property, a man was washing their windows before company comes next week.  "It feels incongruent that we are simultaneously getting the house ready for company as we are getting it ready to burn down."  The whole experience is weird.

I could go on for a long while trying to explain what this feeling has been like, but I think I'll stop now.  Afterall, life does have to go on.  While we wait to see what today will hold for the fire, for our mountains, our city, our friends, there is still work to do and things to be done.  The city has really pulled together, and will continue to do so, I know.  These things unite us. 

And, while I haven't been on my knees praying as perhaps I should have been, I will cling to the truths that God is God of this City, that He is greater and more powerful than any fire, and that, although I really don't think He wills a fire to destroy things, He can still make Good things come from tragedy.



I have a post ready for Will's 3 Month update, by the way, but I decided to save it and share this, for now.

Fridays are For....

.... Catching up on what you've missed out on and for pretending you don't have work to do since you have the weekend next.  That's what I think, anyway.

Time for a quick "news-y" type blog post, since I haven't had one of those in a while.  You'll forgive me for the "list-like" style, won't you?  (And forgive the lack of pictures.... I was sick this week and didn't even feel like picking up my head, much less the camera.)

- Less than 10 weeks to go now!  You can read about pregnancy here and about my recent thoughts on motherhood here.

- The nursery is painted and the crib, changing table, and dresser have all arrived and are assembled.  Thanks to Husband's mom for the crib and changing table and his grandma for the dresser.  Next - finish cleaning out the closet, start bringing up and organizing all the things people have already given us, and get our final piece of furniture from my parents, the rocking chair.  Oh, and decorate some.  I have some ideas - I'm hoping for simple and classy-cute.

- We're headed out of town this weekend for a mini-vacation.  We're not going far, and decided to stay in a different area than we originally thought so we could afford to stay two nights instead of just one.  I will still have to do a little school work, but we're going to try to just spend some really good quality time together for the next few days.  The only problem right now is that it's currently snowing, so I hope the roads won't be bad.

- I've had a nasty cold this week.  It went downhill on Tuesday afternoon and on Wednesday I stayed home.  I love that my students all stated, "pregnant women should just not have to get sick.  That's not fair."  Feeling better, more human, less snot.  Think I'm keeping it from turning into the cough stage, so that's good.

- Lots has been happening with my Grandpa.  He's 96 and has been living in an independent-living retirement home for the last 9 years since my grandma died.  (Well, he's lived in two different places in that time, but both independent-living, not assisted.)   Two weeks ago he got bronchitis and it pretty much knocked the stuffing (and all the strength) right out of him, so he's been at my parents' house since then.  He's doing much better, I think, but he has to move to assisted living for at least 4 - 6 weeks for some PT/OT.  We'll re-evaluate whether or not he goes back to his place or moves to assisted living permanently later.  In the meantime, my parents and sister have all gotten very little sleep AND caught the cold, too. 

- Student Council stuff looms: a retreat in a couple of weeks that still needs to be planned, a major spirit week with events and a giant dance in a month, election things to be prepared so all the paperwork parts are done before maternity leave.   And most importantly, trying to still build relationships and be in the moment with them NOW.

- We go to our first birth class on Monday.  Husband was doing some reading and freaked himself out, apparently.  He's scared for me and wants to know why I'm so calm.  Umm.  I'm an ostrich, duh.  I'm ignoring it until I have to pay attention..... not really - but I know we're taking the class, getting the information, and that no matter how much preparation I do, it will still be an adventure like none I've had before. 

- Sort of wishing all the rest of the stuff was done and it was 10 weeks from now and we were getting onto the next stage.  But I'll keep working hard to enjoy life now, because I like my life, and I don't want to miss things.


Hoping your life has been full and blessed recently.  Happy Friday!

A Smile

With the entire couch to lay on, this is the pose my dog chose last night.

What a weirdo.  Her face was literally smushed.  Apparently smushed is comfortable.

A Christmas House....

... is one of my most favoritest things in the whole world.  I love it enough to use words like favoritest, even though I know that isn't a word at all.

There's nothing like sitting in front of a twinkling Christmas tree.  As you can see by my holiday blog design, you know I'm obsessed with it.  It's really the best thing in the world, any time of day, although early in the morning or as the dusk falls is the best, because then the whole room glows with the twinkly, sparkly white light of the tree.  Growing up our tree was filled with antique ornaments, handmade ornaments, and a vertiable hodge podge of other ornaments.  There was no rhyme or reason, and it was beautiful. 

When I moved out and had to get my own tree, I got a few boxes of matching little ornaments, and then started collecting other pieces.  Marrying Husband brought in a whole set of his childhood ornaments and Santa Claus collection, and each year we've received more ornaments as gifts.  Now, although there are definitely repeat matching ornaments on my tree (thanks to my first year on my own), our tree is just what I like.... a blend of mismatched, twinkling lights. 

The perfect place to relax.

My next favorite thing is my mantle.  Over the last couple of years I've wored on adding height to my mantle decor.  I've played with having a lot on it, to having very little.  My pre-fall and Christmas mantle was back to pretty simple, with a few lovely pieces and some pops of color.  Fall added a bit more, with a leaf garland and some pumpkins.

This season led me to remove several things, but add many more.  It's definitely back to the "lots on it" stage, but I think it might be my favorite Christmas mantle yet.  The words on it inspire me to choose joy, to believe deeply, to find hope and love in my family, friends, and faith.  And it twinkles, too.

 

There are many other little areas in my house that are Christmas-y, because I love it so.  We have a Christmas quilt on our bed and little Christmas things in the kitchen, the dining room, on walls and endtables everywhere.  Each shelf on the built-ins in the living room has something different on it - candles, CDs, the Polar Express. 

There is one shelf, though, that stands out.  It's simple, it's not dressed in red and green and gold, and there are no twinkling lights. 

But it's beautiful.

Because, more than anything else in my whole house, no matter how much I love sitting in front of the twinkling lights or seeing the reds and golds or sleeping in a Christmas bed, this shelf matters.

This shelf reminds us of what we're really doing here.

Oh, I love a Christmas House. 

30 Thankful Days: Day 27

Coming into the last few days with Dawn at Dawn's Good Life, where we've been counting our way thankfully through the month of November.  Join us for the last few days!

Thankful Thing #26
A Clothes Dryer

Sometime at the beginning of the summer, our clothes dryer stopped working.  It would run and run and run, but never get hot.  We were busy, broke, and I didn't mind channeling my inner-Spaniard and line-drying all our clothes, so for whatever reason, we didn't look into fixing it.  We figured it would take more money to repair than would be worth it, so we would save for a new one. 

I washed everything in small-ish loads.  We hung things on the door, the furnace, the water heater, the clothes horse, and everywhere else possible in the laundry room.  I bought fabric softener (a first) to attempt to de-crunch our towels.  Laundry couldn't be done in a day, because I had to wait for things to air-dry before I washed the next load.  Thus, it usually took two or three days to finish, and then only if I were really diligent and washed the first load early in the morning and hung it right up.

I did this every week, all summer.  And didn't mind. 

Then school started.  And I started to mind, a little.  I was more busy, and it was more challenging to get the clothes done in a reasonable amount of time.    And then I started to mind a lot.

A few weeks ago, I declared I was finished.  I wanted a dryer, and I didn't care if we bought it for cheap off Craig's List.  Never mind brand new, just let me be able to do everything in a day.  Let the crunchiness of my clothes go away.  Let me be able to wash my quilts.

Husband started emailing people on Craig's List, and then suddenly he had a brilliant thought.  If it were just the heating element that were broken, he might be able to replace it himself.  On Wednesday, he drove the part down to an appliance repair store, where they confirmed it's brokenness.  He purchased a new one (for a fraction of the cost of a dryer!), installed it, and gave it a test run.  It worked!

But I didn't believe it until I tried it.....

And it works!  I've now washed and DRIED both the comforter that has been on our bed all fall AND the comforter that Ginny adopted as her "bed" a while ago.  Hers was REALLY dirty.  And now, it's fresh, clean, and DRY.

So excited to do laundry.

At least, for today.

Thankful Thing #27:
My Mom.

My mom is amazing.

Seriously, amazing.  I couldn't even begin to explain how amazing she is, and I'm not even really going to try today.  I'm just going to tell you about the way she helped me today.

We all agreed it's time I start to wear maternity clothes.  I'm getting quite the belly, and things are not starting to fit right.  Someone told me to go to Old Navy, because they have cute maternity clothes.  We went.  They don't anymore (not in stores).  I cried. 

Perhaps my tears were Mom's first clue that I'm a bit "crazy" about this whole what-I-look-like thing, so she decided we absolutely needed to get me clothes that I would feel good in, and we headed to JC Penney.  You know, thinking that it, as a large but reasonably priced department store, would have some cute maternity clothes, right?

Wrong. 

Their selection was slim.  Frumpy.  Not my style.  But she helped me pick out a few things and I went to try them on.

And I cried.  (Umm, yes, my hormones might have been being a bit out of sorts today).

I felt fat. And I have a confession.

I do not think pregnant women are cute. 

I mean, there are some that are more cute than others, but I still don't think they're cute. 

Thus, I'm not cute.

Cue confession #2.

I have some body image issues.  I usually do really well with them.  God and my mom helped me work through the worst of them during college, and I rarely think about them or have them affect me.  But now I'm pregnant, and gaining weight, and getting quite the belly. 

And something about trying on maternity clothes just made me feel fat.  And not cute.  And I cried.  (It was almost as bad as the time we went bathing suit shopping after eating at Outback.)

But Mom kept affirming me and telling me I needed to get some pieces that I could feel good in.  And so, even though she has tons to do to get ready for school this week (she's a choir teacher who has a concert on Friday), she took me to Target to find a few more things so I could have some mix-and-match outfits.  She scoured their also very small maternity section and kept bringing me pieces she thought I might like, kept affirming me, and kept telling me what worked and didn't.    I didn't cry at Target, but the tears were just there, lurking behind my eyes.

Several outfit combos later and a fair amount of money, we were done.  We have some things I think I actually like, and some things I think will grow on me (no pun intended, lol).  On our way out of the store, Mom bought me a Decaf Gingerbread Latte to take home with me, because she knew that I needed that, too.  A little bit of my always-happy drink makes things much better, and she wanted me to feel better.

And I do, a little.  I'm tired.  It's draining, feeling fat and ugly and crying in department store fitting rooms.

But I feel really glad, and extremely thankful, for a mom who gets me, gets what I need, and still, even after all this time, does what it takes to take care of me.

All I can say is, it's a good thing this little boy is going to have her for a grandma.  He's spoiled.


Note.  I am not even beginning to do justice to this post, to the emotion of the shopping trip, or to the absolute heart and amazingness of my mom, but I'm tired.  And emotional.   But I wanted to acknolwedge how much I love my mom and how thankful I am for her, so I'm writing anyway.

30 Thankful Days - Day 25

On this Friday, often called "Black," I take the opportunity to be thankful for all the things that are wonderful and worth pausing to remember.  Join me as I link up with my friend Dawn on the final stretch of 30 Thankful Days.

Pictures to be added when I get batteries for my camera or get pictures from my sister. :)

Thankful Thing #22:
A Week Where I Don't Have to Be on the Computer
This is the longest I haven't posted during these 30 Thankful Days, but it's because I haven't been on my computer.  During the regular school week, I'm online every day.  A lot of my lesson plans are on my computer, I get about a bazillion work emails a day, and when I come home, I have to do some work for online class.  So I'm on the computer often.  I check Facebook (I don't FB stalk much, though), I email some, and I read blogs or blog (in addition to all the other "real work" stuff I do on the computer).
But this week, I haven't turned on the computer at all.  Today, in fact, was the first day I did so.  Monday I did school work, but I graded physical papers.  Tuesday I cleaned the house.  Wednesday I hung out with a friend and helped my mom do some pre-cooking.  And yesterday we celebrated friends and family with delicious food.   And while I do have online work to do this weekend, there wasn't a routine that required me to get on the computer.

And I love it.  (Back to reality coming soon, sigh.)

Thankful Thing #23:
A Clean House.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE a clean and organized house.  My camera batteries are dead, and I have no others, or else I would show you how almost every room in my house was deep cleaned this week.  It's awesome.  I dusted on and around and under.  I cleaned tubs and toilets and mirrors.  I did the laundry AND put it all away.  I scrubbed and scraped and vacuumed everywhere.  I put all "the stuff" where it goes, instead of somewhere "convenient." 

It's lovely.

It brings me peace of mind, joy, happiness.  A place to feel comfortable, safe, and as if, indeed, it is my sanctuary.  I was just thinking the other day that it's been a while since I thought about home as a sanctuary, and I want to be mindful of that, especially as we think about bringing the peanut home in less than 5 months. 

I will soon (within a few days, if not today) be putting up my Christmas decorations, which I will surely post, because those make me happy happy happy.  Those PLUS a clean house - well, I may take next week off, too, just to bask in my delight at my home.

Thankful Thing # 24:
Traditions and Thanksgiving Itself.
I LOVE Thanksgiving.

Years ago I was laughed at by some friends when I said I consider Thanksgiving to be the beginning of Christmas.  I mean, isn't it?  It's a day marked be set aside for choosing thankfulness, and Christmas is the season for the same thing, to remember and choose thankfulness and joy as we celebrate the miracle of God's love for us. 
As long as I can remember, my grandparents came over and my mom and grandma would cook, while my grandpa, dad, sister and I would set up the tree and decorate.  I've started to help Mom do some of the cooking, and Sister has taken over the outside lights with Dad, but Sister, Husband, Grandpa, and I still do the tree.

This year we did the tree and decorations on Wednesday, since there were going to be 12 of us over for dinner on Thursday.  Husband has officially taken over as the tree man.  He set it up, did the lights, and "fluffed" the branches so well that our fake Christmas tree looks the absolute best it ever has.  I helped Mom a lot with the food ,and then Sister and I did the ornaments - Grandpa helped a bit.  He's old (96) - it's good for him to do a few ornaments, but we'd rather him not be reaching up high on the tree.

I spent half the morning at the house helping with the final details, and then our "famiy" all came over.    My immediate family - Husband, Mom, Dad, Sister, and Grandpa.  Husband's mom and mom's friend from Nebraska, Husband's sister.  Our close family friends Christina and her son Christian, and Christina's sister Bev.  They pretty much belong to us.

We ate.  Turkey.  Mashed Potatoes, Sweet Potatoes, Asparagus Casserole, Vegetable Casserole, two kind of Stuffing, Broccoli with yummy sauce, Cranberries.  Pumpkin Pie, Chocolate Pie, Apple Pie.  Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookies.  There was Pumpkin Ale, Moscato, Pinot Noir, Coffee... (and water for me).  It was a delicous feast - we were belly-full and laughter-full.

And then we did my favorite Thanksgiving tradition.

Thankful Thing #25:
A Muppet Christmas Carol

If you haven't seen this movie, you should.  It's probably one of the best versions of the Christmas Carol out there, complete with the added bonus of Muppet humor.  Michael Caine as Scrooge is AMAZING.  We have every song memorized.  We know almost all the lines.  Husband has the uncanny ability to quote the Muppets and sound JUST like them. 
It makes us QUITE happy.  And it fits the sentiment of Thanksgiving and Christmas just perfectly, I think.

I'll leave you with the lyrics to my favorite song, sung by my favorite Ghost - the Ghost of Christmas Present.

With a thankful heart, with an endless joyWith a growing family, every girl and boy
Will be nephew and niece to me (Nephew and niece to me)
Will bring love, hope and peace to me (Love, hope and peace to me)
Yes and every night will end, and every day will start

With a greatful prayer and a thankful heart

With an open smile and with open doorsI will bid you welcome, what is mine is yours

With a glass raised to toast your health (With a glass raised to toast your health)

And a promise to share the wealth (Promise to share the wealth)

I will sail a friendly course, file a friendly chart

On A sea of love and a thankful heart

Life is like a jouney, who knows when it ends?

Yes and if you need to know the measure of a man

You simply count his friends

Stop and look around you, the glory that you see

Is born again each day, don't let is slip away

How precious life can be

With a thankful heart that is wide awake

I do make this promise, every breath I take

Will be used now to sing your praise (Used now to sing your praise)

And to beg you to share my days (Beg you to share my days)

With a loving guarantee that even if we part

I will hold you close in a thankful heart

I will hold you close in a thankful heart

30 Thankful Days - Day 13

This month I'm joining my friend Dawn for 30 Thankful Days.  Many I know have taken the challenge to be intentional about being thankful for 30 days, be it via a blog or via Facebook, and each time I read their posts or statuses, I am reminded of all for which there is to be thankful. 

It's interesting, though.  Right now I'm in my comfy's on the couch, doing some online work.  Husband and I stayed home today.  We did laundry and actually put it away, we cleaned a little, I got some grading done, he cleaned the horse pen out at my parents.  We relaxed, I actually cooked a meal.  I read a book, he played video games.  He's gone to youth group now, and I'll finish up with my online work.  And I thought, well, I didn't blog yesterday about my thankful thing, so I have two to do to catch up.

And suddenly I felt pressure.  Pressure to come up with something great to write about, worried that my post won't be as good as they could be, because I don't have any fun pictures to include or any inspiration at the moment.

And then I'm reminded.  That's not the point, now, is it?   What I am thankful for today doesn't have to be deep and meaningful, or funny and light-hearted, or accompanied by pictures. 

The point is to be intentional about choosing thankfulness, every day.  And not just for these 30 days, but every day, for always.

So here are my honest, normal, nothing-amazing-but-wonderful-to-me thankful things.

Thankful Thing #12:
Leggings.

And of course, that's clip art.  My belly looks nothing like that, clearly.

I now own three pairs of Danskin leggings, and I wear them all the time when I'm at home.  They are the most comfortable things on the planet, I think.  I never thought of myself as a legging person, but a few months ago I bought a pair and now I own three.  I don't suspect I'll be one of those pregnant women who wears leggings as pants in public, but I'm quite content to wear them as my comfy pants at home.  Like right now.  :)

Thankful Thing #13:
DVR.

Last year, Husband came home and announced he'd signed us up for Direct TV, which was funny/annoying, because we'd been talking about canceling our cable... not signing us up for something with a contract.  But what was done was done, and so, while it wasn't quite what I'd expected, I went with it.

And now, I'm so thankful.  Because Direct TV comes automatically with DVR, which we'd never had before, and I can record everything I want to and watch it on my own time, when I am free, when I need to be brainless, when I need background noise for grading.  It's lovely.  Particularly as the holiday season approaches, because I love love love watching silly holiday movies all about Christmas miracles and magic and love (which, by the way, drive Husband crazy).  DVR is my favorite.


So, as promised, nothing ground-breaking, exciting, or even all that interesting.

But as I'm currently wearing my Danskin leggings and watching a show I DVR-ed as I work, I'd say I'm pretty happy.

And thankful.

30 Thankful Days - Day 11

Linking up with my friend Dawn and others at Dawn's Good Life to celebrate the things we are thankful for this month.  Head on over there to read and to share your own thoughts, too.

Wednesday and Thursday were both pretty fast-moving days with little to no time to blog, so today I'm going to be thankful for three things.

Thankful Thing #9:
Fridays.

I am particularly thankful that today is Friday.  This, for some reason, felt like a long and full week, even though it by far was not one of the busiest weeks I've had recently.  Granted, we are in the middle of our major food drive, and this year's StuCo is being AMAZING and working so hard to get things done, and we did have a massive dodgeball tournament last night, and today we have our Veteran's Day assembly.... but it really hasn't been that busy.  Still, I woke up very tired this morning, starting to feel a little like I'm getting a cold, and with a large pile of papers to grade that I neglected during the course of the week.  I'm so thankful for Friday, and so thankful that tonight I have some freedom in what I choose to do (stay home, go to the football game, whatever!) and that this weekend, minus a breakfast date tomorrow morning and something in the evening, the majority of the weekend is mine to rest, read, and get all those papers graded.  I'm not saying I had a bad or even a hugely busy week, but I'm tired. 

So thank the good Lord for Fridays.

Thankful Thing #10:
Where I live.

I just love living here.  It's beautiful and makes me happy.  This morning these were the views I was blessed to see on my drive to work- forgive the not great quality of the pictures - for some, I was pulled over in the parking lot at Starbucks (getting my Friday Gingerbread Latte!!!!!) and for some, I stopped in a turn lane while no one was behind me. 

Oh, lovely place I live.

Thankful Thing #11:
BGD Day.

Wednesday, you may have read, was BGD Day, or as I was calling it, Boy, Girl, or Dead Day.  Husband and I headed over to the doctor's office for the first appointment of the day and met with the ultrasound tech to have our "Fetal Anatomay Survey."   I was pretty nervous, because I am crazy, but Husband was calm and happy and just a faithful stable presence.

You may have guessed it, but Baby C was not dead.  Right away the tech showed me the heartbeat to allay my fears.  My sense of relief was intense, although almost immediately followed by "so what is wrong with him/her?"  We had a laugh about that, because the tech (who was so nice and friendly) was telling us just moments before that many women (including herself, when she was pregnant) go through those same emotions.  It was ironic how quickly I switched gears, but this fear was much less great than the previous. 

Baby C was facing my back most of the time, so we never got a great shot of the profile, but she was able to clearly tell two things from the very-detailed and thorough ultrasound:

Thing 1: Baby C, so far, looks wonderful, is growing in all the right ways in all the right places, and appears to be very healthy.  Yeay!  When the doctor looked at all the data afterword, she was very encouraging also. 


Thing 2:

Husband is very excited. I found this picture of him (it's actually when he climbed his 1st 14-er this summer) and thought it was just perfect. 

I'm excited, too.  I had decided on Tuesday that he was probably a boy, so I wasn't too surprised.  I have always sort of imagined me as having girls, since I just have one sister and my two closest cousins are also girls, but I think I'll figure the boy thing out.  Eventually.

I'm really thankful that my son (oh my goodness) is healthy, alive, and growing.  I'm thankful for a doctor who told me I can come in any time I want to listen to the heartbeat.  I'm thankful for a husband who supports me through all my crazy and loves me and our son (still weird!) more than most anything.

Oh, thankfulness abounds.

18 Weeks and Other Fall Things

If you happened over here on Friday, you probably read about my high levels of anxiety.  If you didn't, I wouldn't necessarily recommend going and reading that post.  I was having a small meltdown.... okay, a big one.  Hormones and the unknown of the first pregnancy were getting to me and I was a M.E.S.S.  (MES used to be my initials, how funny.) 

Anyway. 

After doing some praying, some talking, some more-in-depth reading about this stage of pregnancy, and about 20 hours of sleeping this weekend, I'm feeling much more sane, rational, and overall good about things.

After reading one article from a obstetrician, I started to skim the comments left by "experienced moms."  This one immediately spoke to me:

"Have faith! Look at all those twinges and discomforts as positive signs that your body is changing and baby is growing. Remember that you will never be as close to your baby as you are during your pregnancy. You know exactly where your child is and your body is nurturing and protecting that child. That goes away once you give birth, so enjoy the time when you have it! Instead of reaching for a doppler (and spending your hard earned money on it), relax and connect with your child during those times when you find yourself most nervous. Find your faith, because you will need it over and over again as a parent!"


Now, I'm not saying I still might not convince myself at some point to rent a doppler (because peace of mind might be worth it), but for now I'm content to have faith, and I'm going to try to enjoy this time.

So. Without further ado, a silly 18 Week Pregnancy Update:

This morning I made sure to take a picture when I didn't look like something the cat dragged in.  I still fit into nearly all my jeans (the perk of low rise jeans), but my belly is definitely expanding.  I'm attempting to monitor that at a healthy level - so far, so good.

Pregnancy Highlights:

How Far Along: 18 Weeks

Size of Baby: The "peanut" or "LBF (little bitty fella)," as we call him/her is now about 5 and 1/2 inches long, roughly the length of a good sized bell pepper.  LBF weighs about 7 ounces and is doing all sorts of developmental growth!

Maternity Clothes: As I mentioned, I fit into all my jeans.  (Most of my work pants are a little too snug.... so I'm a jeans to work kind of teacher now.)  Okay, you caught me in a small fib - on one pair of jeans, I have to do the elastic band through the button hole trick, but that's it.  Fortunately for me, I had bought several shirts that were "larger" and "flow-ier" over the summer since I had gained weight over the last year, so I'm not really buying maternity clothes yet.  I need to go do some initial looking, because the time will be coming soon, I think, and I want to have a style and look good.

Gender: November 9th is our new holiday: Boy or Girl Day!  That's next week, so we're pretty excited.  We have about a fifty-fifty split in our family's thoughts.  Some have stated they think it's a boy, some have dreamt it's a girl (including Husband!), and some have just stated their "wish list."  I think I kind of hope she's a girl, but think he might be a boy, but either way, want a healthy baby.

Movement: Maybe the tiniest of little flutters?  Or maybe just gas?  Who knows?  Hoping to feel something more definitive soon.  Husband is, too.  He wants a turn to feel something.

Sleep: Body Pillow: best invention ever.  That's really helping me be more comfortable and stay off my back, which is how I like to sleep when my back hurts, which is often.  But the last few nights I've gotten really good sleep, despite the plethora of weird and never-ending dreams and the occasional potty break.

Cravings:  I don't really have any cravings that I didn't have before... I mean, I always love salty food.  But I am trying to cut back on the non-healthy things and be more concious of what I eat.

What I miss: Feeling skinny.... although I haven't felt that way in a while. :)  But I'm excited that at least I have an "excuse" and some people think pregnant women are beautiful.  I also miss feeling normal.

Symptoms: Well, I think I was pretty clear about those on Friday.  I have lots of indigestion, some discomfort at times, and I do have to pee frequently.  But as mentioned earlier in this post, I'm working on embracing those things.

Things People Say: No one has really said anything obnoxious.  Being the non-mushy person I am, I find it strange and kind of weird when people comment on how cute my baby belly is or talk about my "showing."  I have had people already touch my belly, and that has got to stop. :)  Other than that, people are mostly trying to be encouraging, and I can't fault them for that or for my over-sensitive hormones.

Best Moment(s) This Week: Well.  Calming the heck down.  And having Husband really start clearing things out of the former-guest room soon-to-be baby room.  The more-empty room really makes me think.


In other news, I have been so self-involved with the baby stuff, I never posted about how much I love fall.   I LOVE FALL.  I do, I do, I do.  It represents so many happy things to me, which you can read about here.

Here's a quick peek at my overly-pumpkin-ed house.  I like it that way, so don't judge.

An overall glance.



My homemade "Give Thanks" pumpkins.



Some of my Autumn things from my MIL.

A close-up, because the saying is worth reading.



More pumpkins... and a DELICIOUS smelling candle.



The mantle.



The buffet with... more pumpkins.



Real acorns from Nebraska (where Husband grew up) -

we got them last year when we visited.

Ginny following me around and wondering why I was taking so many pictures.

Happy Monday, friends.

Back in the Saddle

(Editor's Note: I wrote this post on Monday, but because I needed to wait to for my husband to bring the camera home, am not posting it until Tuesday.  Any references to "today" are from Monday.)

Do you know that I have ridden horses for nearly 15 years, and I have never actually fallen off of one? 

Granted, the consistency of me riding in the last three years has been.... well, let's be honest.   I haven't ridden more than twice in the last three years.  (That's not totally my fault.  The first year, I didn't have a car, so I couldn't get out to where my horse was being boarded.  The second year we'd moved him to my parent's house and built him a loafing shed, and I did ride him a couple of times, but then he got an abscess in his hoof and had about half of the hoof removed.  (That's like taking off your fingernail, not your finger, just in case you didn't know.)  So he had to heal from that.  And then last year, right around this time of year, he impaled himself on a t-post and nearly died.  That recovery was quite long; hence, no riding for me.

I completely digress from my original point.  The expression back in the saddle clearly comes from the idea that if you've fallen off a horse, you have to get back on again and push through whatever fear is keeping you from riding again.  I've never fallen from a horse, so I don't I can fully understand the true intent of those words, although having watched my sister essentially stop riding due to an incredibly scary situation, I sort of get it.

That story will have to come at a later point, because this post isn't supposed to be about horses or riding or anything equestrian related.  I just titled the post Back in the Saddle and then was off on a tangent, and decided to write it.  Well, journeying with me as I process never promised to be logical.

Anyway, I feel like I have the opporutnity to be back in the saddle of a lot of things in my life.  School is winding down and, while I have a busy summer ahead, the pace is different.

I have just two classes of finals left to grade - one on paper, one online.  I'm going to do them tomorrow.  Then I have to spend some time getting my classroom ready for next year, and I'm done.  Officially our last day is Wednesday, but I may go in for a few hours on Thursday and/or Friday just to make sure I'm organized.  It's been a long year.  I'm excited for a change of pace.

On Saturday I went to the Home Depot at 8:15 in the morning to avoid the rush and bought a lot of flowers and plants.  I suspect I normally spend $100 on flowers to pot to make the front of my townhouse look pretty (and to make me happy) - but this weekend I went way overboard, due to the fact that I was on a mission - I wanted to plant some perennials in our front yard, build a mini garden bed retaining wall, and add some mulch.  I picked up the pesky rocks that were half filling the space and through them into my window wells, which needed something in them anyway.  (I'd already spent hours on a previous weekend cleaning and sorting some rocks and filling this awkward weird gap between my neighbor's sidewalk and mine.) 

I potted 15 medium and small pots of flowers and 3 large ones.  I dug up the soil in the yard and mixed it in with some garden soil.  I planted 7 new plants in the yard.  The only thing Husband helped with was the brick (which, as you can see, we need a couple more layers of to make a retaining wall) and the mulch.

I just love it... it's like a whole new yard.  And never mind the dead grass, because the flowers and plants make it pretty anyway.  (Although we are going to re-sod the dead parts and put in some new sod up to the retaining wall.)

Oh, and doing that, I forgot about sunscreen (rookie mistake).  This is me two days later, although I couldn't really get a great picture.  You'll have to imagine what it looked like originally.  In my defense, it's my first real time outside this year,  so I had no base coat at all.

And I've cleaned my main floor and the master bedroom thoroughly, and tidied up the basement areas and bedroom (my mother-in-law was here for the weekend).  I'd bought a white quilt and some throw pillows for our bedroom to give our room a fresh, summery feel, but I didn't allow myself to set up the bed until our room was clean clean clean.

So I'm back in the saddle of living in a liveable, even peaceful, pretty house.

This morning I got up and went for a run.  I haven't been on a run in a really long time.  It's been at least a month since I went to the gym, and probably two or three months (or four?) since I ran outside.  It was super windy, but the sun was shining warmly and I pushed myself, but not too much.  It felt delicious.   I'm going grocery shopping today, and we've cooked at home the last two nights. 

Yes, I'm back in the saddle of being healthy, and feeling good about myself.

After I got back from my run, I poured myself a cup of coffee (which had been brewing while I ran), added a dash of cream, sugar, and cinnamon, and took the dog to sit on the front steps, which, in the morning, are bathed in sunshine.  There, amidst all my beautiful flowers, I drank my coffee, basking in the tranquility, and listening to this song, which always gets my heart tuned into the right place.  Always.  It's been a while since I've heard it, so I played it twice.  Starting at about 4:45 is the best, in case you don't want to listen to the whole thing.  And I just felt calm, and inspired, and ready to keep going. 



I went to church yesterday with  my mom and MIL at a different church than my own, and the pastor asked this question: Are you in the same place spiritually as you were last month?  Six months ago?  Last year?  Well, I know that if I were to answer that honestly, I haven't grown at all in the last month or so.  Remember there was that season of incredible revelation and growth earlier this year?  I started to live on the leftovers of that, much like a car running on the fumes of gasoline that used to fill the tank.  I caught myself, jumped back in, but, as any teacher knows, barely survived the end of the year, and stopped reading, journaling, and reflecting.  But that season is finished.

And I'm back in the saddle of spending time with the One.

I hope that if I ever do fall off of a horse, I will not hestitate to jump right back on, because if life teaches me anything, it is that it is always better when you push through, allow the One to help you conquer your fear, and keep going.  Put that foot in the stirrup, swing your leg over, and keep riding.

Re-set, and press On.

What's in a Name?

Apparently, quite a bit of thinking, debating, discarding.......

Meet the newest member of our family.  We just got her yesterday from the Humane Society, and are already quite in love with her.  She's a 7 month-ish old pitbull-beagle (peagle?!), super sweet, calm, and has already interacted with about 30 of my high school kids since we're in Homecoming week and we had to set up for our Luau last night.  (Then she went home with Husband before all the hundreds of students showed up.)

Anyway, we're struggling to find her name.  We've rejected bazillions.  Okay, that was a slight exagerration, but at least a dozen have been thought of and discarded.

Who do you think she looks like?

Today I'm linking up with Emily and others at Chatting at the Sky, for Tuesdays Unwrapped.  I'm celebrating the cutest little peagle in the world, who is currently asleep at home, waiting for me to get there and take her for a walk at lunchtime.

The One Where I Catch Up

Chiming in at the end of the coffee day- but in my book, it's always time for coffee. (Although, right now, I'm actually drinking a nice cold white grape peach and seltzer combo. Delicious and super refreshing!

Anyway, this will be the post where I catch up - it's been a few weeks at least since I've joined you. The end of the school year is always busy, but this one has seemed to be particularly so, making it hard to find time to catch my breath (or blog).

First, do you remember this post, where I told you how Husband and I were going to start a facelift on our kitchen? Or this one, where I showed you some of our progress? (Click on the post to read more about it and see more pictures.)

Or do you recall when the sink leaked under the floor and our kitchen remodel went to a new level, leaving us without a kitchen for over a month? And when the cabinets were in the living room, living us with no space anywhere?

Well, we're nearly done! We've got cabinets, countertops (new! so pretty!), a gorgeous sink, and wood-like floors! All that's left are the details- toe kicks, a few more pulls, etc. Yeay. We added a little extra counter and got a couple bar stools..... I'm in heaven, truly.

Oh, I just looked at the clock, and I really wanted to share a beautiful Psalm I read this morning and how inspired it was, but I have to go get a loaf of yummy crusty bread and take it to my sassy friend Carly's house for a girls' night in dinner. If you feel curious, check back in with me tomorrow and I'll tell you about this inspiring Psalm.

Happy Friday!