30.

Today I am thirty years old.

I've been looking forward to this day for a couple of reasons. 

First, for years I've been told I don't look old enough to be a high school teacher, much less to have been teaching as long as I have been.  "You're so young," has been a popular statement among my co-workers, friends, and even complete strangers.  Those statements began tapering off with pregnancy and mommy-hood, but now I'm 30.  Yes, that's young when you consider the big picture, but no longer am I fresh out of college, new to my job, new to marriage.  As one of my students said the other day, "anyone over 25 is really old."  Yes! I'm old! (But not out of touch, hopefully.) 

Second, I have full expectations that my 30s are going to be better than my 20s.  My 20s haven't been bad; on the contrary, there has been a lot of really incredible stuff.  Graduating college, getting a job, becoming a better teacher, finding my man, marrying him, being best friends with my sister as we both are grown up, having my first baby. 

But they've also been hard.  Marriage is really hard, did you know?  Mommy-hood and parenthood is really hard, too.  Both of our families have gone through a lot in the last few years, and it's been a challenge at times. 

But I hope in the One who gave me this life, and I know that as I continue to grow, my 30s are going to reflect that and (hopefully) Him.  Which means that although I am sure there will still be some lots of hard stuff, I'm going to consider it joy and look forward to the opportunity to become the woman I long to be. 

Today hasn't been a particularly great day, so far.  We're in one of those difficult seasons.  But I choose to look forward to this next decade with anticipation, with joy, with delight in the things to come.

Oh, and as for my 30 before 30 list, well, I'm amending that to a "30 before 31" list, okay?  It's my birthday, I can do what I want. :)

4 Months

Will officially turned four months old onTuesday, the 24th, the same day his Great-Grandpa Bob turned 97 years old.  Grandpa Bob loves being with Will, so we made sure to go over to my parents' house for Gpa's favorites: spaghetti and meatballs for dinner, and carrot cake for dessert.  Grandpa gave Will lots of kisses, and Will got lots of attention (as always).  I'd say it was a very successful "birthday" for both!

Development:  We went to the pediatrician on Thursday (whom, by the way, I absolutely love.  We actually see the PA in our office most of the time, and she is just incredible.  The doctor that is technically ours was also my childhood pediatrician, but as she is super in-charge of the whole medical group, she doesn't work too many days a week and is harder to schedule) for Will's four-month Well-Child Check. 

Will weighed in at 13.5 pounds, three more than his two-month check up.  He's still in the 30% for weight, but that's okay, because he's been consistent in his growth all along.  His height moved up to the 35% percentile as he has officially reached two-feet tall, being exactly 24 inches long.  No wonder he doesn't fit as cozily anymore!

In other developmental areas, this was a big month for Will.  He's learned to roll onto his side, so I bet to his tummy isn't too far away.  He can see you from across the room and smile at you.  He discovered his voice - the first few days of that were non-stop cooing.  And, in the last week, he's started reaching for toys and is fascinated by their bright colors and fun textures.  We didn't really have many toys, just a clip on elephant for his carseat, but a friend sent a package that had some fun little squishy blocks that crinkle, so we're set.  His little legs are in constant motion - we have no idea where he thinks he's going, but he's apparently going to be a sprinter, cyclist, or swimmer based on his movement.  And he's working really hard at taking the pacifier out of his mouth and putting it back in on his own.  After a while of not quite being able to get it, he usually sticks his fingers right in, which brings me to the drooling.  Yes, we've started the slobber-fest that apparently indicates pre-teething.... but no signs of any actual teeth yet.  Thank. Goodness.

Personality: This little boy wants to be a happy little boy, he truly does.  Sometimes, when he's starting to get unhappy about something, he'll still smile at you even in the midst of his tears, before he gives in.  He is a very smiley baby and is content much of the time.  He likes to be social and visit with others, and he drinks in the world around him.

But when he's unhappy, well, he is unhappy.  As in screaming.  Usually it's because he has a problem of some sort and thinks we should be able to fix it instantly, and when we can't, he tells us about it.  He tells us all about it.

Sleep: Right after our three-month update, Will moved from our room to his own room.  We'd been sleeping in the basement, due to the fact that the smoke from the Waldo Canyon fire kept us from being able to open the windows and cool off our near-90 degree house, and when we moved back upstairs, it seemed silly to re-set up the pack'n'play.  So to his room he went.  He's really adjusted quite well, I think.

The other big change, and again, this only in the last week, is that we've stopped swaddling him.  He was too big for the swaddle we had and was continuously "busting out" of a blanket swaddle and waking himself up.  A friend gave us a Woombie, which we love and would still be using, except for the fact that it's been so hot in his room when he goes to bed that I didn't feel right about it.  He was sweating and crying and just seemed miserable, so we decided to tough it out and let him learn to fall asleep unswaddled, as well as to put himself back to sleep if he wakes up.

It's going.  There have been some rough moments, some "this is breaking my heart" moments, and a couple of "I should just go get him" moments.  But overall, he's been doing really well.  In the big scheme of things, he doesn't cry as long as I have heard many babies do, and he definitely is getting it.

The first night time sleep lasts anywhere from four to six hours before I feed him, and then the second one has been getting longer, also.  I'm hoping we're getting to a place where he's going to be on a good schedule for the school year.  Naptimes are less regular - he still is only a cat-napper, so he takes several little naps throughout the day.  The pediatrician said that might be in his favor when he starts day care - many babies who are long nappers have trouble taking their regular naps in that setting and get over-tired, so he might be in like already being a cat-napper.  We'll see.


Overall, I feel pretty good about where we are sleep-wise.


Eating:  Still doing the pump-to-bottle thing most of the day and nursing at night, with some nursing or formula during the day, depending on the situation.  We're trying to stock up on frozen breast milk for day care.  He's slowly starting to spread out his eating times.  By that I mean he can now wait two and a half or three hours to eat, instead of every two.  None of those four of five hour periods for us.  I was afraid he might be eating too much as a result, but since his weight gain was consistent and good, I'm not worried anymore.  He'll eat as he needs it, I think.  We're not quite ready for solid foods yet - maybe in a month or so.  Husband did let Will lick a banana though; my-oh-my was his facial expression hilarious.  Total disgust.  His mama agrees.

Likes/Dislikes: Will likes his scrunchy-crinkly blocks.  The elephant on his car-seat.  His Graet-Grandma Harriett, who got him to giggle a lot while she was here last week.  Doggies (his new fav!).  Apparently, watching the Olympics. 

Actually, there isn't much he actually doesn't like, except being hungry, being tired, and having tummy troubles.  Really, who can blame him?

Milestones: His first "road-trip" up to Estes Park.  Many of the aforementioned developmental things, like noticing toys, sleeping in his own room, more and more control of his head, and even pulling himself up almost towards a sitting position.  Noticing his first baby, his cousin Henry.  His first hike, his first trip to the pool, his first rodeo (all chronicled in this post).

 

Mommy Update: I'm doing pretty well.  Gearing up to go back to work, and mostly excited about it.  I know leaving him is going to be hard, though, so I'm trying to prepare myself for that.  Weight and health-wise, I'm not doing too much better, but I'm also not doing too much worse.  Getting into meal-planning and grocery shopping to assist my eating habits and hoping to get to do some exercise a couple times a week once we establish good bedtime routines with the new school schedule.

Catching Up: On Husband

This is the perfect day to catch up on what's going on in Husband's life, because this day is about us.

Today, in case you are wondering, is our 4th anniversary.  For years ago we said, "I do," and promised to walk with each other through each day of our lives, through the ups and the downs, the goods and the bads, the beautiful and the ugly.  I'm so proud to be married to this man, to be going through life together, to be learning each day how to be a man and woman who love the Lord, love each other, love our son, and to do life well.

I'm ready for four more years, and then forty more after that, and forever even after that.

A while back I posted these two posts (He Answers and What He's Listening To) that had to do with Husband's job.  After four years with the same company, he was no longer going to be employed there, and we were completely unsure of what was in store for him and for us.  Much time was spent discussing what he wanted to do, what he thought would be satisfying, where he could go to grow.  He'd known for a while that he didn't want to be doing manual labor his entire life, but without a college degree, being an electrician was about it.  And, just for the record, we were really proud of his accomplishments as an electrician so far, too.  He'd gone through a four-year trade school program and graduated with honors.  He'd tested for and received his Journeyman's License.  He'd really pushed himself to do well in that field, and continues to do so.  But it isn't what he wants to do with his life.

After much prayer, consideration, and lots of talking about all the difficulties we would potentially face, Husband decided it was time for him to give college another try, and this time, hopefully, to walk away with a Bachelor's in Electrical Engineering.  He did a ton of research about the program, meeting with academic advisors and the Dean of Engineering.  He found out about financial aid and was awarded a Pell Grant for this year.  And, at the beginning of July, he started his first three classes.  For this term, two of them are online and one is in-building, on Monday and Wednesday nights.  So far, he's doing pretty well, although we've definitely seen already the effects of the change in our evening schedule.  The nights he is home, he has homework.  The nights he has class, he has homework to do when he gets back.  It's been a blessing that I haven't been in school yet, so we can sort of deveop a routine for him that works before I added my schedule requirements to the mix. 

We're excited, but also apprehensive.  School is hard for Husband.  Somewhere along the line of his education, he began to believe the lie that a person who has trouble learning quickly is stupid, the lie that a person who has trouble in math is stupid, that a person whose brain doesn't organize information easily is stupid.

In essence, he began to believe the lie that he is stupid. 

So school, and this degree in particular, holds a lot of scary things for him.  A lot of math, a lot of complicated things to study, to learn.  I am confident that he can do it, but I know it's going to be hard.  He is learning how to be organized, how to study, how to not give in and quit when the going gets rough.  I'm learning how to not be a know-it-all (school is my forte), how to be supportive and enouraging, how and when to turn teacher-mode off and when to turn it on.

And, of, course, Husband doesn't just get to go to school.  He also has a full-time job.  At the beginning of June, he found a job at a company located on the southern end of the city.  After two days of working there, Husband was completely discouraged.  Without going into a bunch of details about an electrical company, I will just say this: it was not the right fit for him.  We thought for a while that maybe if he stuck it out, it would get better, but day after day, he came home exhausted, mentally, physically, and emotionally.  The pace was frantic, the hours demanding (60+ a week, including every Saturday, and he was leaving the house before 5 am to get to work), and the organization of the company somewhat lacking.  The potential pay, while really good, didn't appear to be worth it, at least not for us.  Not with Husband starting school, me going back to work, and a four-month old son at home.  We just didn't see how he could stay there; it seemed like the job was sucking every bit of joy right out of him.

God, thankfully, allowed Husband to leave that job.  A man from church works for another company in town, one pretty close to where we live, and after an interview there, Husband was hired.  Four days on the job and he already seems so much happier.  He's got a spring in his step again, even though they asked if he could work this Saturday.  Working Saturday at this place means overtime, whereas before it didn't.  My favorite part?  The owners of the company and at least one of the other higher-ups are Christians, and they get together once a month to pray for the company.  Husband has never worked at a place with Christians before.  While the company doesn't appear to be labeled as "Christian," he will have the opportunity to work with and for people who believe the same as he does, who, in a field with pretty low moral standards, will hold themselves and him to higher ones.   It's awesome.  You can just see the weight lifted off his shoulders.

We know that we're entering a stage of life that has the potential to be very difficult, but we're ready to take it on.  My man, my husband, is tackling something huge, something he wants, something he's excited about.  He's doing it while working a full-time job, being a dad, a husband, a son, a brother, a friend, a worship-team member, and, most of all, a Jesus-follower.  I am so glad to be able to be the wife that believes in him, that supports him.

These next four (or more likely five) years will probably holdsome of the downs, the bads, and the ugly I mentioned earlier, but they will also be full of the ups, the downs, and the beautiful as we continue to do life together.

The Power of Fire

I have never shared where I live on this blog (although if you have paid attention, you would have figured it out, at least the state).   But to share with you what we have been going through, well, I have to tell you where I live. 

This is my hometown, Colorado Springs.  I show you these views of Pikes Peak and of Garden of the Gods, because these are the places I have grown up looking for most of my life.  These mountains, these gorgeous, forest-laden mountains, hold places I have often visited, trails I have often hiked, and friends' houses I have often visited.

And if you've been paying any attention to the news in the last few days, those mountains are on fire. 
(In actuality, Colorado is on fire... on Sunday there were 8 forest fires buring across the state, including this one, the Waldo Canyon Fire, and the High Park Fire near Fort Collins, which has burned more than 80,000 acres.)

Saturday afternoon I came home from Husband's softball games, noticing a plume of smoke in the mountains.  By that evening, we knew a pretty big forest fire had broken out.  It seemed like it was mostly going to threaten areas up the mountain, which was upsetting, but life went on.  We watched the news over the next couple of days, tracking it's progress, noting areas that had been evacuated, but still the experience felt a little far off, even as we watched the plumes of smoke.  Sure, we had to keep our windows closed to keep the smoke out, which meant that, for those of us without AC, inside temps reached as high as 88 degrees, cool, compared to the 100 degrees outside.  (Record highs for Colorado, by the way.) 

My family particularly paid attention as they live in a forest on the northeast side of town, knowing that, with the intense dryness and the intense heat, a small spark could light up their world, too.  With all the fires going on around the state, the smoke making our normal views hazy and frightening, and the heat, everything felt a little surreal, and as if anything could happen.

That feeling increased dramatically on Tuesday.

That morning, I headed out for coffee with my mom, followed by a little shopping trip and then a salad from Whole Foods.  From our location, we could see the smoke moving up the ridge of the mountains, towards the north, towards homes, towards the Air Force Academy.  By that afternoon, many reported literally seeing the flames racing down the hills towards the city.  The smoke descended on us, and ash fell all over the city, including at our home, several miles away. 

Watching the news made me want to cry.  Correction, I did cry.  The images were startling, nightmarish, vivid.  Homes were burning, and places we love, like the Flying W. Ranch, where I went many times with my grandparents and family over the years, including the day Husband and I got engaged, burned to the ground. 

What had felt surreal, yet far away, was suddenly very close.  The idea of sleep was almost unimaginable.  I finally made myself turn off the TV and told Husband not to let me turn it back on again.  As a child, I was severely afraid of fire, but over the last many years, that fear had faded, and I had almost forgotten.  Now, suddenly, I remembered. I  am terrified of fire. 

Wednesday morning dawned with a press conference explaining the damage.  The fire had gone from about 6,000 acres to 15,000 in the span of several hours.  An unknown number (now estimated to be in the hundreds) of homes had been lost.  The wind and other weather factors, unable to be controlled by human hand, had caused the fire to become an inferno.  Devastation had ensued.  The Air Force Academy had been evacuated as the fire threatened to continue on it's way.

Yesterday I spent the day at my parents', helping them mitigate a little, just in case, although if a forest fire really were to break out where they live, I don't think anything could really help.  We waited all day to see if the fire would continue raging, or if it would be a good day.  Small rainstorms scattered the area, bringing hope and fear simultaneously.  A little rain would do nothing, but the lightening accompanying it could do serious damage.  Areas to the north were put on pre-evacuation, including the town where my good friend lives.  As she is on vacation in Mexico, I wondered if I should break into her house and get some things for her. 

We learned this morning that the fire increased to 18,000 acres, which, actually, was good news.  No more structures were lost, and they have high hopes for today, expecting the weather to work in their favor.  I pray it does, as everyone knows that in Colorado, the weather never does what it is supposed to do.  There are over 1,000 firefighters fighting this fire, even as others work tirelessly around the state to put out the other fires, too.  Some stupid people have been criticizing them, implying that they didn't work hard enough, that they lost hope, that they let places burn.  As if anyone could control the raging beast that is a forest fire, or control the wind that blows wildly through the mountains.  I sort of would like to hit those stupid people, you know.  Thankfully, the firefighters continue to work endlessly, and are committed to their task.  They've been preparing for this day, for this season, their entire careers.  More thankfully, not one injury or loss of life has been reported, not for a firefighter or for any of the 32,000 evacuees.

Facebook blew up with photos of the fire and prayers for a miracle.  I confess that very little have I prayed.  I know God is big enough, powerful enough, to send a miracle, to send a torrential rain despite the weather forecast.  I know that He works things for His Good (Big "G" Good, as my friend says, not our little "g" good), and that He can work and is working through this experience.  I  know these things. 

But that hasn't stopped me from wondering what the purpose is, really.  Even as I type, I wonder.  Part of it is that is as if our city is in a bad movie, so it almost feels as if it might not be real.  Our eyes are glued to the mountains, to the progression of the smoke.  Our TVs have been constantly on, as we listen with half an ear.  Yet we've also had to go to work, to make dinner, to continue life.  Will still needs to eat, be played with, have his diaper changed.  There's this odd feeling of "what are we doing?" covering everything.  My mom said it best yesterday.  Even as we were outside raking pine needles to mitigate their property, a man was washing their windows before company comes next week.  "It feels incongruent that we are simultaneously getting the house ready for company as we are getting it ready to burn down."  The whole experience is weird.

I could go on for a long while trying to explain what this feeling has been like, but I think I'll stop now.  Afterall, life does have to go on.  While we wait to see what today will hold for the fire, for our mountains, our city, our friends, there is still work to do and things to be done.  The city has really pulled together, and will continue to do so, I know.  These things unite us. 

And, while I haven't been on my knees praying as perhaps I should have been, I will cling to the truths that God is God of this City, that He is greater and more powerful than any fire, and that, although I really don't think He wills a fire to destroy things, He can still make Good things come from tragedy.



I have a post ready for Will's 3 Month update, by the way, but I decided to save it and share this, for now.

On Doing it All

This new season of life seems to demand more from me than I have had to give, be, and do before.

To quickly update you, Husband's losing his job (which was something I was surprisingly okay with) has resulted in two things:

One: his decision to go to college to get an electrical engineering degree.  He's really, really excited about this opportunity, and he begins taking classes online and at night in July.  The next four to six years will include a lot of night classes, since most of the courses for this degree are not available online.  We talked at length about how hard that is going to be, since he'll work during the day and then go to class or have homework at night, plus the responsibilities of being a husband and dad.  Since I'll be working full-time, too, it promises to be a little rough.

Two:  he got a job at a local electrical company and started last week.  It is turning out to be a little more than he bargained - they do piece work, which means they get paid per job completed, not by the hour, and Saturdays are expected as well.  He'd worked more than 40 hours in the first four days, and has left by 6 am each day this week.  He's exhausted.  He's also had several things going on in the evenings this week, so we're getting a glimpse of how rarely we're going to get to see each other once he starts classes.

Needless to say, this stresses me out a little bit.  Okay, a lot of a bit.

This brings me back to this season, where I feel a little afraid apprenhensive as I think I feel like I'm "doing it all."  Can any of you working moms relate? 

Once school starts, I'll be back to work full time.  I'll have four in-building Spanish classes, Student Council (a class AND a heck of lot of after school/evening time), and (most likely) an online Spanish class.  I nearly always have some sort of work in the evenings. 

I'll also have a baby to pick up from day care, feed, spend time with, and get ready for bed.  Since finances are tight and we want to be healthy anyway, you can add in preparing dinner for the family and getting my lunch ready for the next day.  I can't stand a messy house, so I'll need to make sure that the house is picked up and somewhat clean.  And I'll want to support Husband in any way that I can, helping him with his school-work however I am able.  He'll help as much as he can, because that was part of the deal when I agreed that he should/could go back to school - but it appears like he'll be gone a lot, and when he's home, he'll be exhausted. 

I'm not really meaning to complain here, nor to freak out about something I'm sure many moms do, but I want to be honest.  I'm a little nervous about how much responsibility I think I'm going to have.  Maybe it won't be as hard as I think it will be, but I think that until now, I've been able to be relatively selfish and focus a lot on my job (which I LOVE).  But my priorities are different now, and I want to do these things the best I can.

God has, however, been working in my heart in a few areas relating to this topic.  I'll tell you about that later, because for now, I'm off to get the baby up from his nap, finish the laundry, and get something to eat for lunch.  I'm thinking vanilla greek yogurt with a nectarine and some almonds mixed in.

The One Where I Talk About Being a Mom....Again

Had to share this picture.  How that's comfortable for a nap, I have no idea, but he sure was sleeping soundly.

One of my recent Facebook status' read thus:

"1. I feel like my son is huge! He's grown so much already. I know, I know, you'll all say it just keeps going faster!

2. I wonder if I'll have a status update that doesn't involve something Mommy-related any time soon?"

After all the comments about how my status' would all be Mommy-related, I made sure to post this one:

"Cleaned the bathroom, made the bed, took a shower, went to the library, AND am doing a little online grading today. Is it prideful to be impressed with myself?"

Of course, if we're being honest here, well, it's only impressive that I did all those things today because  I'm the mommy of a 5-week old baby. 

See, what I'm realizing is that I've entered the next phase of my life, Motherhood, where everything is different than it was before.   Everything comes back to being a mom, it seems.  I want to be a better blogger (for various reasons) and have one of those blogs that is a fun mix of who I am - stories about things that happened, ways God is teaching me, random posts about clothes and decor and fun things- but all I can come up with these days seems to be Mommy-things.  (Of course, finding time to blog is also challenging.  Typing with a baby in your arms is a skill I have not yet mastered.) 

It's the same when I Skype with my bestest friend Brooke, who is currently living in Korea.  She gets to tell me all sorts of her adventures about people and places.  What do I do all day?  Hold the baby, change the baby's diaper, feed the baby, comfort the  baby, play with the baby.  Repeat.  "Today he spit up five times!"  Not exactly newsworthy, folks.

But it's who I am, now.  In an instant (okay, after 9 months of pregnancy and 10 hours of labor), I am a mom.  I can't just run to the store if I need something - I have to load up Will.  Go to a movie?  Haven't figured out how to do that yet.  Want to read others' blog posts?  That's not usually the most important use of his naptime. 

When it's time to go back to school in the fall, I'm not going to want to stay there late, I'm going to want to go pick up my little boy and spend the evening with him.  Nor will I want to grade papers, I imagine.  Sick days (which I never take) will now be taken when I need to be home with a little guy who isn't feeling so well.  I'll be thinking about those big blue (or whatever color they turn out to be) eyes all day, and waiting to see that sweet little smile.

I'll be (I already am) a little more of a worrier than I've ever been before, because I'm responsible for him, for his health, his well-being, his spiritual development, his education.  I care about school districts and safety and college funds.  I'll do price comparisons on baby items and do research about what products are best.  I'll think about making my own baby food to save money.  I read to him already, whatever I'm reading, and soon we'll start with books of his own.  I'll speak Spanish to him so he can learn it early, and leave the English for when we're with his daddy.  We'll do a baby dedication at church, and I will continue praying and praying for him, every day.

I've always been a daughter - to my parents, for 30 years.  To my Father, a few less.  A reader for 25 years, a student my whole life.  A big sister for 24 years. A jogger for 13 years, a coffee drinker for 15. A wife for nearly 4.  A Spanish-speaker for 16 years, a teacher for 8. These are the roles I play, among others. 

But now, well, now I've added a new role, and I'm pretty sure it's one of the important roles I'll ever have.  It's a nerve-wracking, joy-filling, fear-creating, awe-inspiring role.  Being a mom is forever.  I'll be his mom when he gets his first tooth, on his first day of school, at his high school graduation.  When my son is grown and having his own children, I'll still be his mother.  I'll be his mother until the day I die.

So I guess it's okay if that's all I have to talk about these days, because it's kind of a big deal, you know.  Someday (and maybe sooner than later), I'll blog about something else, but for now, this is where I'm at, spending most of my time learning how to be the best mommy I can be to my sweet Peanut.

I'm a diaper-changer, a colic-comforter, a tear-drier, a rock-as-we-walk-er, a cozy-cuddler, a sit-and-stare-er, a baby-talking Spanish-speaker, a play-whenever-he's-awake-er, a 24-hour-a-day-diner.

I'm a mom.

Oh, Hello.

Each day this week I've said, "I'll blog today.  I'll do it during/after/when I ____________________."  But each day has found itself full of something.  The times I planned to blog were usurped by other things I needed to do, or in the evening, when I could have blogged, the effort to turn on the computer from my crashed out position on the couch seemed herculean.  As a result, no posts.

But today is Friday, and if you can't procrastinate a little during your planning period on Friday (yes, even if you are going to be leaving for maternity leave soon and have a million things to do), when can you procrastinate?

So, hello.

I have my Decaf Caramel Macchiato in hand (we were all out of coffee at home - I seriously need to do the grocery shopping - we ate out all week, too), and thought I'd share 9 things about life with you on this 9th day of March.

1. We're in the month of our due date (the 31st, so really, it could be March or April.)  Officially, I'll be working for two more weeks as of yesterday.  We don't have school on the 23rd and the following week is Spring Break, so there are exactly 10 more days of work for me, including today.  My feelings on that subject are incredibly diverse - I'm excited, sad, a bit nervous, busy.... and more.

2. Last week was Sadie's Week (our second semester version of Homecoming Week).  We had spirit days, a Peach Fuzz Boys Volleyball Tournament, a huge assembly complete with decorations, a Mr. PC competition, and, of course, the big dance itself.  In all, I spent approximately 25 hours at school AFTER school between Thursday night - Saturday night.  Needless to say, I stayed in bed on Sunday.  But the week was great, my StuCo kids were awesome, and we had a T.O.N. of fun.

3. We just mostly finished decorating our baby room the other night - I'm pretty excited about it.  I'm going to gather the best pictures that document each stage of the process (from scraping the popcorn off the ceiling to hanging the final piece on the wall) and show you in a post soon.  Until then, while you wait, I'll just say this - browns, greens, monkeys... C.U.T.E.

4.  I had two baby showers back-to-back the weekend before last.  Both were very lovely, and Husband, Baby C, and I were completely blessed.  I've spread out some of my favorite pictures from both throughout this post.

5. I am ridiculously excited for tomorrow.  I'm planning on spending some time with my sister as I drag her (I mean, as she comes with me) to get a haircut - I desperately need one as my hair looks good about 1% of the time - and to a few more to get a few more things with the generous gift cards we received.  I think this will be my last "big" shopping trip before Baby C comes.  Anything else will be things I didn't know I needed or incidentals.  I'm also planning on cooking a few things to put in the freezer to make life a little easier (plus, I'm sick of take-out).  And, if all that goes well, I'm going to clean the bathroom.  It's just plain gross. 

6. I may or may not be planning Words with Friends with several people, but, due to the fact that I don't have time to really think about the words I'm playing, losing horribly.  I'm also playing Scramble, but only with random opponents, because I'm so bad at it, I don't want my friends to know.

7. I love my state.  It was warm and sunny for the first few days this week (although I didn't get to really enjoy that as I was inside all day), then cold and windy (and I mean cold) the last two days, and today is back to sunny and the weekend is supposed to be lovely.  I never want to live somewhere where it's always one way or another.  This way you get a little bit of everything whenever you might need it.

8. I'm still obsessed with how freaking cute my dog is.  Seriously, I love her probably a little two much.  We're totally spoiling her right now since we think her little world is going to be rocked in the near future.

9.  I've got some thoughts rolling around in here about some big God stuff, and the things I've been learning, continuing to learn, being beat over the head with, etc.  That's a whole different post worth of things, but the bottom line is, it's pretty amazing seeking relationship and knowing it's a mutual, real, tangible, life-changing thing, not just some mystical band-aid.  More on my heart soon, I hope.


My hope is to be able to blog a little more consistently - it's good for me, as long as I keep myself out of the land of "no one likes me/follows me/comments on my posts" - but since I'm taking each day a a day at a time these days, we'll see.

For now, Happy Friday!

Real...ly Lovely to Be Home

Linking up today with Gypsy Mama and others to share on what's Real.

For me, today, it's real...ly lovely to be home.  We're having a real snow day, the first in a few years, I think, where we the snow is actually piling up.  I'm missing being at my parents' house, because they live in the middle of a beautiful forest, and there is nothing quite like snow-laden pine trees.  They're gorgeous.  I see the back of the town houses across from us and the cars in the parking lot covered in snow.  And our tree, which I am so glad we have, as it's the only one in the row, doesn't have branches wide enough to be laden.

But regardless, on this real snow day, complete with snow (as opposed to last year, where we got one for -20 degrees or something like that), I'm really happy to be home.  It's wonderful to have the opportunity to stay in bed as long as want - not sleeping, I can't sleep during the day - but reading a book, drinking coffee, working on school work.  I love my job, but an expected three day weekend is a real blessing.  Life is good these days, but busy and I'm tired.  And so a day off from the usual routine is really, really, wonderful.

It's real that my best friend from college, Brooke, has moved to Korea (she is on the plane to Seoul as I type this), and there is a really real chance we won't see each other for a year.  She won't get to be here to see me get even more uncomfortably pregnant, she'll miss it when our son comes into the world, and she won't be here to help me figure out how to finish decorating the nursery.  But the amazing thing about this real frienship, a truly real, deep, two-way friendship, is that, no matter how long we go without seeing each other, no matter how long it is before I can use the speed dial on my phone to call her again whenever I feel like it, no matter how many miles separate us, we will always be there for each other.  She's one of those friends.  The kind that gets to see the real you, the one who is full of joy and smiling, and the one who is a sniveling snot-covered mess on a bad day.  And you get to see the real her, too.  And so, despite the fact that I'm really sad she'll be so far away, I'm really excited for her journey and for mine, and for how our lives and roads will continue to intersect and matter to each other.  And I'm really excited that such a thing as Skype exists. (As I finished typing this, a package (one of several installements) that Brooke sent for Baby arrived.  She's the cutest, most thoughtful, most creative gift giver ever.)

And in the interest of being real, here's the real me today.  I might get dressed later, we'll see.  I might put my contacts in, but I'm not sure.  I definitely won't put on any make up, and well, that's really nice for me.  Here's what me being in bed for the day really looks like (yes, computer AND iPad going), and for Ginny.  She's really bothered that I'm home, as you can see.

As I continue to think about what's real today, I think about the One.  He's pretty real, and I continue to be amazed at the very real ways He interacts and responds to my heart.  Just yesterday I asked Him to continue to reveal and teach me about His Glory.  I opened up to wear I am in Mark (as I work my way through the New Testament), and found Mark's version of the same story that got me really thinking about Glory in the first place.  I just laughed.  And then God shared some more thoughts on Glory with me.  Because He is real, and He is responsive, and He Is.

Oh, and I really want something super bad for me to eat, but I'm not sure what.  Something that's really salty.  Chinese?  Mexican?  I don't know, but I really want it.  Too bad my car has crappy tires, no four wheel drive, and I promised Husband I wouldn't go out today, anyway, unless someone else drives me.   I really love that man, and how he wants to take care of and protect the Peanut and I.  Speakingn of the Peanut, he's really going to town today.  Kick kick kick, hiccup hiccup hiccup, punch kick hiccup.  Love it.

Forgive my slight shallowness today, friends, on what's real.  I really try to be a person who lives what she says and shows the good, the bad, and the in-between, and I could expand on that instead, but for today, I choose to share what today's real looks like. 

By the way, have I mentioned that it's really lovely to be home? 

Fridays are For....

.... Catching up on what you've missed out on and for pretending you don't have work to do since you have the weekend next.  That's what I think, anyway.

Time for a quick "news-y" type blog post, since I haven't had one of those in a while.  You'll forgive me for the "list-like" style, won't you?  (And forgive the lack of pictures.... I was sick this week and didn't even feel like picking up my head, much less the camera.)

- Less than 10 weeks to go now!  You can read about pregnancy here and about my recent thoughts on motherhood here.

- The nursery is painted and the crib, changing table, and dresser have all arrived and are assembled.  Thanks to Husband's mom for the crib and changing table and his grandma for the dresser.  Next - finish cleaning out the closet, start bringing up and organizing all the things people have already given us, and get our final piece of furniture from my parents, the rocking chair.  Oh, and decorate some.  I have some ideas - I'm hoping for simple and classy-cute.

- We're headed out of town this weekend for a mini-vacation.  We're not going far, and decided to stay in a different area than we originally thought so we could afford to stay two nights instead of just one.  I will still have to do a little school work, but we're going to try to just spend some really good quality time together for the next few days.  The only problem right now is that it's currently snowing, so I hope the roads won't be bad.

- I've had a nasty cold this week.  It went downhill on Tuesday afternoon and on Wednesday I stayed home.  I love that my students all stated, "pregnant women should just not have to get sick.  That's not fair."  Feeling better, more human, less snot.  Think I'm keeping it from turning into the cough stage, so that's good.

- Lots has been happening with my Grandpa.  He's 96 and has been living in an independent-living retirement home for the last 9 years since my grandma died.  (Well, he's lived in two different places in that time, but both independent-living, not assisted.)   Two weeks ago he got bronchitis and it pretty much knocked the stuffing (and all the strength) right out of him, so he's been at my parents' house since then.  He's doing much better, I think, but he has to move to assisted living for at least 4 - 6 weeks for some PT/OT.  We'll re-evaluate whether or not he goes back to his place or moves to assisted living permanently later.  In the meantime, my parents and sister have all gotten very little sleep AND caught the cold, too. 

- Student Council stuff looms: a retreat in a couple of weeks that still needs to be planned, a major spirit week with events and a giant dance in a month, election things to be prepared so all the paperwork parts are done before maternity leave.   And most importantly, trying to still build relationships and be in the moment with them NOW.

- We go to our first birth class on Monday.  Husband was doing some reading and freaked himself out, apparently.  He's scared for me and wants to know why I'm so calm.  Umm.  I'm an ostrich, duh.  I'm ignoring it until I have to pay attention..... not really - but I know we're taking the class, getting the information, and that no matter how much preparation I do, it will still be an adventure like none I've had before. 

- Sort of wishing all the rest of the stuff was done and it was 10 weeks from now and we were getting onto the next stage.  But I'll keep working hard to enjoy life now, because I like my life, and I don't want to miss things.


Hoping your life has been full and blessed recently.  Happy Friday!

Truth

Truth #1: I want to write a post that is light-hearted, fun, festive, and new, since this is my first post of 2012, but if I am to be truthful about life, and where I'm at, well then, fun, festive, and new will have to wait until tomorrow.

Truth #2: Even if my heart was ready to write my 30 Before 30 post today, I don't have my list complete yet.   Better get cracking as the clock is ticking!  Look for that coming soon.

Truth #3: Marriage is hard.  Now, I know that some of you actually know Husband in real life, and so I hesitate to write what's on my heart.  But I continue to remind myself that you love him, and you know that I love him also.  Whole-heartedly.  And that we are commited to each other for always.  So I'm going to be a truth-teller, because my heart is thinking a lot about this.  Marriage is hard.

Truth #4: I can't share with you right now what is going on with Husband, but it's pretty tough.  Maybe someday, when his journey is a little farther, he'll allow me to share so that our story can be one to hopefully help others.  For now, though, I can just tell you that it's rough.  He's hurting, I'm hurting, and it's rough.  And deep.   And there is definitely a spiritual component attached to it, for which I would covet your prayers.

Truth #5: As I sat last night trying to stop bawling like a baby, I opened first the Bible and second my journal, and was reminded.

I haven't been doing all this spiritual growth recently for no reason.  God's in charge, and He has the master plan.  He knew this was coming, and He prepared my heart.

First, God reminded me in Psalm 31 to

Be brave.  Be strong.  Don't give up.  Expect God to get here soon,

and in Psalm 32 that,

We're depending on God; he's everything we need.  What's more, our hearts brim with joy since we've taken for our own his holy name.  Love us, God, with all you've got - that's what we're depending on.

Then, as I went back through page after page after page of writing in my journal, He showed me that He has been working in me, preparing me, teaching me.

Most of all, that there is Hope.

That His promises are swift and sure in coming, and that He always makes good on them.

That, in all things, I can praise Him and give Him glory, because He Is Good, even when things are not.

That I can trust Him with Husband.  That Husband is not mine to fix.  That I must be a praying wife, a loving wife, an encouraging wife, a supporting wife.  That God has Husband in His hand, and that God alone can be what Husband needs.

Truth #6: Because my heart has been being prepared, worked on, because I've been learning these things, I do not feel desperate.  I do not feel downtrodden.  I do feel hurt, I won't lie.  I am scared.  It is hard.  But I feel hopeful.  I believe that God is working, and I believe that Husband is His.  Because God has been walking with me, teaching me, I have faith.

Truth #7: I believe Satan is ticked.  I've been praying in faith for some very specific things for Husband regularly for the last month or so, and those very things have been attacked.  I don't like to throw spiritual warfare around casually in conversation - too easily we can blame our sin on it, in my opinion, and begin to see demons everywhere - but in this case, I am confident.  Join me, friends, in praying for a hedge around Husband, that He will not believe the lies that are being whispered to his heart about the very core of who he is as a man. 

Truth #8: Months ago I posted this song, and thought I should listen to it this morning, because I praise God that He has been faithful to me in preparing my heart, and that He will continue to be faithful, right until the very end. 

I forgot that it talks about Glory.  And you know that Glory is something I've been thinking and learning quite a lot about recently.  Okay, God, connection again.

And, for potentially the first time in my life, I started to understand this idea of being the Bride of Christ, of marriage to Him, of truly loving Him and Him loving me.  In marriage with Christ, He doesn't hurt me or let me down or be humanly stupid.  He loves unconditionally, perfectly, passionately, jealously.  I've been praying that I would learn to love God, to understand that relationship at a deeper level, and because of my own marriage and what we're learning now, I'm starting to get it.

Faithful.  Absolutely to the end.

Thanks for walking with me as I tell some truth today.  It's where my heart is, and I desire to be a transparent, real person, to live with integrity.  Even if it's hard or reveals that I, like all of us, am far from perfect. 

Please, again know that I love my man, and I believe in him completely.  This is a journey, and one we need to take to be the people that God wants us to be.  

Coming Soon to Like a Day Off

1. A hopefully fresh, simple blog design.  I can't actually afford to get someone to re-do my blog for me, and I don't really know how to do much on my own, so expect a simple template.  I want a few more days of Christmas blog (just like I want a few more days of Christmas house), and then I want simple and fresh.

2. A post on 30 before 30.  I started that list a bazillion years ago.  (Okay, like a year ago.)  Now, with less than a year to go before 30, I want to cross some things off my list.  Excited to share it with you - maybe they will actually happen.

3. A request for your most-important, non-annoying advice on how to prioritize what actually needs to get done before Baby C arrives.  With less than 15 weeks to go and the terrifying knowledge that I was born nearly 4 weeks early, I have a serious need to get my rear end in gear and figure out what's most important and what can wait.  Any words of advice from high school teachers who are over-committed to their students on how to do long-term sub plans will be appreciated.

4. Hopefully more regular posts that show a better balance of who I am as a person - teacher, wife, homemaker, mom-to-be, Jesus-follower, funny and serious woman.  I like a lot of my early blog posts, but feel like for the last year I was in a blog-rut.

5.   More pictures.  I just have to replace my camera first.  Remember how I lost it a while ago, and then found it?  Well, I tripped and dropped it the other day when I was about to document my epic fail at Spritz cookies, and it's broken.  Lame.  It barely bounced on the floor.    So.... let me save my Christmas gift cards and see if I can get a new camera soon.



Potentially I'll do a "looking back" post before the new year, but if I don't (I really enjoy not being on the computer on breaks), know I'm looking forward to spending 2012 and all it holds with you all!

Midweek Confessions

Excited to link up and share my Midweek Confessions!  I have given absolutely NO thought to what I'm about to write, but I was thinking about blogging today and decided this is the perfect "not too much thinking required since I'm on a break" post.

Here we go!

1. I really, really, really enjoy not being on the computer.  At school I check my email about a million times a day and, because I teach online, I'm on a lot at home, too.  I've been avoiding grading the last few things (including their final) for the online class, mostly because I haven't wanted to be bothered to log on.  In the last few days, I've been on Facebook for about 10 minutes, I've read maybe three blog posts, and I've responded to two emails.  That's it.  And I love it.

2. I don't think I'm a very good "pregnant person."  I am just not mushy.  And I just discovered that, at 25 weeks, I've gained nearly 20 pounds.  If I'm "supposed" to gain a pound a week or more for the rest of the time, I'm going to have gained 35 + pounds.  I realize that "that's okay," and that "all women are different," but for me, the thought of gaining 35+ pounds, even if it's "baby weight," is horrifying.  I mean, absolutely horrifying.  I've begun to notice my face getting rounder (which happened the last time I gained a lot of weight, although that time I had no "guilt free" excuse), and I don't like it.   It would help if I ate better and walked more often.

3. I don't eat well enough sometimes.  Since I haven't "had time" to grocery shop this week, I just finished a bag of Cheetos as my lunch.  Refer to #2.  I feel kind of gross, but I know if there were any more left, I'd be eating them.  I also need to drink way more water and less other stuff. 

4.  I might not be mushy, but I LOVE feeling the Peanut move.  I could probably sit here for hours and just feel my tummy and see if I can get him to wiggle or kick, even if it meant completely ignoring all the responsibilities I have.

5. My house is already a mess.  It was clean for Thanksgiving, and I had good intentions of keeping it that way.  Christmas presents exploded in the living room, and the bedroom is full of Space Bags full of clothes for "after baby" that have yet to be vaccuumed shut and put away and bags of "won't probably ever fit in this so here you go Goodwill" clothes.  They've been on the floor for two weeks.

6. I'm addicted to Hallmark Christmas movies.  I could watch them all day (I've watched at least 4 in the last two days) and my DVR is full because of them.

7. I really, really, really want a White Christmas.  It snowed on Monday while I was Christmas shopping (which I started on Monday, another confession, and mostly have finished now), and really felt like Christmas.  Because it's been cold, some of the snow is still on the ground, but I want fresh snow for Sunday.  I'm like a five year old, and I could never live somewhere where the possibility of a white Christmas didn't exist.  I always want Christmas to be just like I want it to be, but I'm learning to be less selfish about it.  But a fresh layer of snow would be just lovely.

8.  I bet I could write about a million more of these "confessions."  I'll have to join in again next week to "come clean."  As a last, silly one, I'm always jealous of Elizabeth (with whose blog I'm linking), because I think we seem like we could be pretty similar and maybe could be IRL friends if we actually knew each other, but her blog is way better and her posts more fun than mine. :) 

Stay tuned for more Midweek Confessions in the future, as well as (hopefully) some fun pictures over the next few days!

A Smile

With the entire couch to lay on, this is the pose my dog chose last night.

What a weirdo.  Her face was literally smushed.  Apparently smushed is comfortable.

23 Weeks....

None of these pictures are great.  I tried and tried and tried, and made myself late to work the other morning, kicking off a frazzled day.  But you get the picture. (oh, punny!)

Pregnancy Highlights:

How Far Along: 23-ish Weeks

Size and Health of Baby: The Peanut is about 11 inches long, according to all the science, and as of Wednesday's doctor's visit, weights about 1 pound.  (Too bad I've gained lots more than 1 pound, ha!).  Apparently, that's the weight of a large mango.  Doctor said his little heartbeat sounded just awesome and that he's moving just the right amount (which I now feel more often, yeay!!!)

Maternity Clothes: Sigh.  I gave in, but mostly, I feel good about it now.  I definitely cried in the store while trying them on - I am not totally sure why it was so rough, but it was.  My sister and I were laughing yesterday about how we kicked her out of the store because she held up a pair of elastic jeans and started laughing.  Not the best timing. :)  But it's good now.  I have a few pairs of actual slacks that I can wear to work to be a little more professional, and they are SO comfy.  And I have several tops that I'm getting accustomed to wearing.  Let's face it - I'm not a huge fan of the belly, but it's growing on me. (ha!  again with the punny!)  

Gender: We now know that the Peanut is a little BOY, which is crazy!  Husband is pretty dang excited, as you can imagine.  I'm working on wrapping my head around that, still.  I check out all the baby boys and little boys I see and imagine what mine will be like.  We haven't figured out anything like decorating or nursery stuff for him, yet, but we're thinking a little.   Anything really fun and boy-y that you'd like to share with me?

Movement: My new favorite thing.  It almost makes me mushy, which is not the normal.  Sometimes he totally surprises me and I barely can contain myself from saying something or wiggling around myself.  Husband has been able to feel the Peanut move a little more.  It makes it more real for both of us.  It's not all the time, but more and more.   Between that and hearing his little heartbeat at the doctor, it might not be long before I'm a mess of mush, lol.

Sleep: Rough sometimes, but sometimes okay.  When my back hurts, I really like to sleep flat, but I'm trying to use the body pillow to help myself stay off of it more.  I don't know how I could sleep without that body pillow some nights, some nights I don't need it, and some nights, nothing is going to help.  For a while I could still pull off sleeping partly on my stomach (like half sideways), but that's out now.  Peanut kicks me for squishing him and won't stop until I roll over.  I don't blame him. 

Cravings and Eating: Still doing pretty well in this area.  Perhaps it's that I've always craved salty food that means I still do... but I'm actually exercising self-control most of the time.  I need to up my fruit and veggie intake, but a lot of veggies mess with my tummy.  I could stand to drink more water.  Worst things I eat (but that I've always loved, so I don't know that they count as cravings): Taco Bell.  Chips.  M&Ms.  Cheese.  I have my gestational diabetes test at my next doctor's appointment.  I'm really hoping it's a non-issue.

What I miss: Balance.  I've always been a klutz.  I'd hoped I would grow out of it as I matured, but no.  I've always been the person to trip, to drop things, to run into something that's always been there (like a wall).  But it's been worse recently.  I've broken two cups, a glass candle holder, a plate, and maybe something else in the last two weeks alone. 

I also miss being comfortable sometimes, which I know is going to just get worse.

Symptoms: The indigestion is much better, thank goodness, especially when I'm careful of what I eat.  (Thanksgiving, not so good.)  My belly is clearly expanding, if you want to call that a symptom.  I'm congested lots, but that's no big deal.  And.... if you really want to know... well, let's just say I've bought some nursing bra inserts.  Apparently that's a sign I'll make lots of milk, something I've NEVER thought about before in my life.  Ha.  How embarassing, but better than the alternative embarrasment!

Things People Say: "Enjoy this part.  It's all really hard after this."  That was my favorite "encouraging" comment EVER.  Gee, thanks.  "Mrs. C, I didn't realize that you were going to get that big."  Fantastic.   And I'm not even to the largest part yet.   "You are such a cute preggers!"  Nice, but I don't really want to be called a "preggers," thank you.

But, to be fair, lots of people say lots of really nice things and do really nice things.  Yesterday a woman who works in the office (and I was her TA when I was in high school) brought me a cute little blue stuffed owl she found at a craft fair.  Lots of moms have told me that they loved having little boys, and that their relationship is something special.  Several people have commiserated that being pregnant wasn't always their most favorite part, which is nice to hear so I don't feel like the abnormal non-mushy Scrooge of pregnant women.  And people are genuinely excited for us.

Best Moment(s) This Week: Hearing is little heartbeat on Wednesday and feeling him move.  It's reassuring, it's real, and it's simulatenously amazing and terrifying.

Linking up today with some Coffee Company friends.  Don't worry.  I definitely have my decaf Gingerbread Latte in hand.