Friday, October 30, 2009

Something to Offer

Do you ever find yourself wondering if you have something to offer? Anything to offer? I do. A lot. And as I delve more into this crazy world of blogging and am completely and totally inspired by the words of wisdom I read from other bloggers, like the wise women at (in)courage, my good friend Dawn, and the Coffee Company Girls, that thought begins to creep in a little more and more. Do I really have anything to offer? I'm only 27, I have no children, why would anyone care to go on my journey with me? Especially since my journey is rather dull? And so on the thoughts go.

I think I'm in a season of purposelessness. Not that I think I don't have a purpose. I do. I'm a teacher. I LOVE teaching. I'm the gringa that surprises people by the fact that I'm a fluent Spanish teacher. I'm the Student Council advisor passionate about leadership. Clearly, God has laid my path on this road and inspires me to be a better teacher and to really care for kids.

Some of my StuCo kids on a Scavenger Hunt. They make my day, really.

Still, it's as if I can't get a grasp on the bigger picture. I know what it is- I know that I am in desperate need of Jesus-time and to get His Big Picture and to live in a daily relationship with Him, but I'm having a hard time with that. That's why I love reading others' blogs, because I get to read about their journey with Him (and just through life)- and it's not that they're writing about how perfectly they are living- in fact, they're often sharing some way they're humbly learning. It's that what they're writing about is real and shows growth and I'm inspired and encouraged by them. But still stuck.

I guess what I'm seeing is that maybe I'm not purposeless, but feeling desperate for growth and change, which then of course, I think is silly, because what am I desperate for? There aren't any really hard times in my life, I'm not going through anything that challenging. And I guess the point is that, in reality, whether we're experiencing something hard or not, we as human beings are still desperate for Relationship. So I'm not really sure if I have much to offer anyone else, but I have to get back to offer my whole self to the One who will make sense of everything. I suppose that means I need to find the motivation/gumption/persistence/discipline to really delve into my relationship with God, knowing that He'll meet me.... but that feels easier said than done.

Perhaps what I need to do is borrow an expression from Nike and "Just Do It."

What I love about new days, by the way, is that you can alway start over. Let go of yesterday's mistakes and failures, and start over. So, today, on this Friday, let's call it a new season and start over. Gotta keep trying!


  1. This is a great post. Thanks for sharing. I know what you mean. I had so many different roles in teaching and serving before kids, but now with 2 I feel like all I do is change diapers and feed the kids, etc. Well, I do other things, but you know what I mean. It's a different kind of purpose than I have had before. And I do wonder sometimes what us 20-something (ok, don't remind me I only have a few months left in this category) have to offer. But as we've both worked with youth, we see how much they can do, so we can 'just do it' whatever the 'it' is. Thanks for the 'coffee'! Have a lovely weekend.

  2. Hey Beth-

    I've been there for long seasons and I'm still there for days now and then.

    You can't go wrong with Relationship. It is easier said than done...for me too. But worth it. He'll show you what's next over time. There are seasons...and right now your season is pretty full!

    And...any feelings of regret or inferiority or hopelessness are lies. You are a wonderful woman who has greatly impacted my life as well as many others.

    Remember, purpose has more to do with who you ARE than what you DO. Love you.

  3. I think it is good for us to take stock - God can reveal SO MUCH to us about our short sightedness and remind us that HIS PURPOSE is always so much bigger than we can comprehend.

    As a wife & mom - who married at the age of 34 and just discovered I'm expecting again (before my 40th birthday in December) - singleness has such a time of purpose - and even now I wonder about MY purpose and meaning. I don't have the time I used to have to pursue the Lord the way I did - and I miss it. He has not forsaken me - but there is so much to every part and season of our life - we can't take for granted any of it or think that any other season has more value or purpose.

    It's good for you to come to this place and allow GOD to shape you and give you your value...

  4. Beth, you are young, and you have so many years of purpose ahead of you! Teaching is a calling in and of itself!

    "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do" Ephesians 2:10

    He has big plans for you! Don't give up hope!

  5. I've found that when I feel purposless, it's usually the time that the Lord is preparing me for something...sometimes big,something small....doesn't m,atter but it's still signifigant to him! Fluent in spanish!'ve had the spanish for dummies book for years...determined to learn but falling short on perseverance I'm afraid!


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