First, nope, no Peanut arrival yet. We're glad about that, as I would really like to work through next week and have a few days of Spring Break to breathe before we begin. We'll see.
I'm working my way through the New Testament as one of my 30 Before 30 Goals, and I've just started Luke. (If it's okay to be proud of myself, I am, because never before have I consistently kept reading and progressing for this many months at a time.) Last week I was finishing up with Mark, which concludes with Jesus' death and resurrection. It's interesting reading the Gospels, because twice now I've read the "same" stories, from Matthew and from Mark, and am really trying to seek new perspectives. I know I'll encounter this same need in Luke, too.
My first tendency when I read stories where the disciples "screw up," like when Peter sinks in the water after walking or denies knowing Jesus multiple times out of fear or when they all run away in the garden at His arrest, is to identify myself with them. Would I have even gotten out of the boat? In what ways to I deny knowing Him in my life? What am I so afraid of that I would run away, instead of stay?
Since Thanksgiving Break, when I decided to "Just Do It" and really commit to spending some time intentionally developing my relationship with Him, I've been learning a lot. You've read some of it. Glory. Relationship. I kept finding out that there was (IS!) more to Him than I knew, and that if I really wanted to love Him, to know Him, I needed to keep pursuing.
Often, and especially lately, when I've read, my focus has been on what I need to do, how I need to grow, what He might be telling me about me.
As I read the story of His death and resurrection again the other day, though, and started to think the same thoughts about how I would react, it struck me.
Yes, this was FOR me, but it wasn't ABOUT me.
It's about HIM.
Let me take a moment and tear my self-centered-even-in-the-midst-of-Bible-study focus away from myself and recognize that
It. Isn't. About. Me.
What an amazing man, what an amazing God, what an an amazing Father, to do the things He did, He does, He will do. I need to spend a little more time pondering and reflecting on that, you know?
Yes, sure, it's good for me to let Him correct me, to teach me, to mold me. Absolutely. But it's really about Him. (And wasn't that what I was learning about Glory, before, anyway?)
Some friends introduced Husband to this song. It's the song of our hearts right now. For him, mostly, I think because there is some hard stuff he's wading through and it speaks right to what he needs to hear. For me, well. I started out loving the music. It's all good, but right at about 3:20 when the drums start to intensify I just find myself drawn in. You really need to listen. Then it's the words about all the things He has already overcome that speak to me.
And then this morning, as I was listening again on my way to work, I realized.
Yet again, I'm thinking about me.
Yes, All our troubles, all our tears. But God of Hope, He has overcome.
Yes, All our failures, all our fears. But God of Love, He has overcome.
Yes, All our heartache, all our pain. But God our Healer, He has overcome.
Yes, All our burdens, all our shame. But God our Freedom, He has overcome.
God of Justice. God of Praise. God our Freedom. He has overcome.
God our Refuge. God our Strength. God is with us. He has overcome.
It's about Him. Look Outward, Beth. Outward.
Showing posts with label learning. Show all posts
Showing posts with label learning. Show all posts
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Friday, February 24, 2012
Grit, Growing, and Waiting...oh, and Coffee and 35 Weeks
Linking up with two different groups today, but attempting to combine my post into one, sort-of unified thought process. We'll see how it goes. I can't be held responsible for what comes out, okay?
Today's 5 Minute Friday prompt? Grit. I am going to do my darndest (that should be a word if it isn't) to keep my writing to 5 minutes, because today's class schedule is a mess due to an unexpected snow day yesterday (lovely, by the way, I got caught up on almost all of my grading), and so my first class is starting much sooner than expected.
I titled this post Grit, Growing, and Waiting. Because right now, at 35 weeks pregnant, I'm gritting my teeth and plowing into the things I need to do, growing a lot (pun most definitely intended), and waiting for the next stage of this experience.
Grit. We're coming up just over a month until our due date, and less than a month until my last day of work. That month is full, though. There are a bunch of things that have to get done for work, and I'm not being a control freak, I promise. I need to just grit my teeth through the tired and do them. This should be no problem, I'm independent and strong and stubborn, but it's overwhelming at times. It's gritty to know that I'm about to embark on something I'm not going to do perfectly. There are things I do need to let go of, like having my house be as clean as I want it to be before he comes, which means there is going to be a lot more grit than I'd like.
Growing. There's a lot of growth going on here, related to that grit. Obviously my belly is still growing expansively, as people love to comment, and that's gritty for me. I've had some body image issues in my life, and while I realize this is different, it's still hard. I don't recognize myself at all, and I don't always like it. But there's more growth due to the grit going on here, too. I'm learning more and more about God, about family, about priorities, because as I pursue Relationship with Him, He's calling me to realize new, and sometimes hard to do, things.
Waiting. Growth is often accompanied by waiting, don't you think? There's a wait-time for the things you're pondering to sink in, truly. There's a wait-time for you to really start to practice things, and much of the time, a lot of practice is required before we even get close to doing things well. And of course, despite all the things on my "to-do before baby" list, I'm waiting. Waiting for it to be done and my little boy to be here. Waiting to see what it's really going to be like, to see if I can do labor naturally, to see his face and the color of his eyes, to take him home to a hopefully finished nursery, to be a mom. Waiting. And waiting, well, it's gritty sometimes. And it grows me. And so we're back again.
That was my 5 minutes. I think I did okay, don't you?
I do, just for fun, want to add in a quick pregnancy update as I sip on my coffee (yes, mostly it's decaf), but I wanted to be honest and not count it in my 5 minutes.
How Far Along: Nearly 35 Weeks. Baby Center tells me I'm there on Mondays, but our due date is officially 5 weeks away from tomorrow. I keep thinking this feels really close, but my doctor keeps saying "in the last month we'll....such and such," so apparently 36+ weeks is when we will have "arrived" at the close stage.
Size of Baby: According to my belly, HUGE! But really, about the weight of a honeydew (between 5 and a half pounds) and 18 inches long. We haven't had an ultrasound for a long time, and I don't know if we will, so we may just find out officially on his birthday.
Maternity Clothes: Yes, and I am back to hating the idea. I'm tired of them, but I don't want to spend more money since it's only a month more. I was just looking at pictures of me when I first started to wear them, and really, it's astounding how much my belly has grown. I'm huge, people. Huge. See for yourself (and yes, I know, it's only baby weight, I haven't gained too much elsewhere, but still. Huge).
Gender: Boy! At least, that's what we're going with. Recently I've got it into my head that maybe the ultrasound tech was wrong, and he's a she, but I'm trying to not think about it. We just spent a week with my cousin's boys (4 and 1), and I'm really starting to get it, this boy thing, and be excited.
Movement: Still lots, but it's uncomfortable sometimes as I feel like he's pushing my insides apart. The other day he really punched me in class and I was like, "oh!" which concerned my students, of course. They were in awe then, because they could see my belly moving from where they were sitting. I like it, but sometimes I think he should be nicer to me.
Sleep: Depends. Last night was rough, but the last hour this morning was awesome. It's hard to be comfortable at this point, so of course it's difficult to sleep. But I'm getting enough to be functional, and I'm still ignoring the people who tell me it's practice for the rest of my life when I won't apparently sleep again.
What I Miss: As mentioned above, my body. I don't know who this person is sometimes. Sometimes I feel cute and pretty, other times I feel yucky and unattractive. Being able to tie my sneakers comfortably. Being able to bend over comfortably. Being able to sit comfortably. Ha, I'm such a whiner. It's not that bad.
Cravings: Grapefruit is my new favorite thing. But besides that, I'll still take my salty food whenever.
Symptoms: Is feeling ready to do this thing a symptom? If so, I have it. Otherwise it's normal stuff, I think. On the whole, despite the uncomfortable thing, I'd say I'm doing great. A funny story: there was a question on a Spanish test I gave last week that asked, "What is probably that Mrs. C will do in class?" Most kids responded with things like, "It's probably she'll give us homework or candy or play games" and things like that. One student's response? "It's probable that she'll go to the bathroom during class." Oh, so sad, so hilarious, so true.
Words: Of Wisdom? To take each day as it comes. Of Ridiculousness? "Wow, you've gotten even bigger in the last week!" "Wait, you're pregnant?"
Best Moment of the Week: I suspect it will actually be tonight and tomorrow, when I have two baby showers and small group, so I'll have lots of time for some good connecting with friends - I've been feeling a little out of it as I've had a lot going on - and we'll get some hopefully fun and hopefully useful things for the Peanut!
What I'm Looking Forward To: Putting the nursery stuff and all Baby C's things away in his room and getting it all ready. Holding my son. Yeah, I'm pretty excited about that. What else can compare to the fact that that is coming?
Today's 5 Minute Friday prompt? Grit. I am going to do my darndest (that should be a word if it isn't) to keep my writing to 5 minutes, because today's class schedule is a mess due to an unexpected snow day yesterday (lovely, by the way, I got caught up on almost all of my grading), and so my first class is starting much sooner than expected.I titled this post Grit, Growing, and Waiting. Because right now, at 35 weeks pregnant, I'm gritting my teeth and plowing into the things I need to do, growing a lot (pun most definitely intended), and waiting for the next stage of this experience.
Grit. We're coming up just over a month until our due date, and less than a month until my last day of work. That month is full, though. There are a bunch of things that have to get done for work, and I'm not being a control freak, I promise. I need to just grit my teeth through the tired and do them. This should be no problem, I'm independent and strong and stubborn, but it's overwhelming at times. It's gritty to know that I'm about to embark on something I'm not going to do perfectly. There are things I do need to let go of, like having my house be as clean as I want it to be before he comes, which means there is going to be a lot more grit than I'd like.
Growing. There's a lot of growth going on here, related to that grit. Obviously my belly is still growing expansively, as people love to comment, and that's gritty for me. I've had some body image issues in my life, and while I realize this is different, it's still hard. I don't recognize myself at all, and I don't always like it. But there's more growth due to the grit going on here, too. I'm learning more and more about God, about family, about priorities, because as I pursue Relationship with Him, He's calling me to realize new, and sometimes hard to do, things.
Waiting. Growth is often accompanied by waiting, don't you think? There's a wait-time for the things you're pondering to sink in, truly. There's a wait-time for you to really start to practice things, and much of the time, a lot of practice is required before we even get close to doing things well. And of course, despite all the things on my "to-do before baby" list, I'm waiting. Waiting for it to be done and my little boy to be here. Waiting to see what it's really going to be like, to see if I can do labor naturally, to see his face and the color of his eyes, to take him home to a hopefully finished nursery, to be a mom. Waiting. And waiting, well, it's gritty sometimes. And it grows me. And so we're back again.
That was my 5 minutes. I think I did okay, don't you?
I do, just for fun, want to add in a quick pregnancy update as I sip on my coffee (yes, mostly it's decaf), but I wanted to be honest and not count it in my 5 minutes.
Pregnancy Update
Size of Baby: According to my belly, HUGE! But really, about the weight of a honeydew (between 5 and a half pounds) and 18 inches long. We haven't had an ultrasound for a long time, and I don't know if we will, so we may just find out officially on his birthday.
Maternity Clothes: Yes, and I am back to hating the idea. I'm tired of them, but I don't want to spend more money since it's only a month more. I was just looking at pictures of me when I first started to wear them, and really, it's astounding how much my belly has grown. I'm huge, people. Huge. See for yourself (and yes, I know, it's only baby weight, I haven't gained too much elsewhere, but still. Huge).
Gender: Boy! At least, that's what we're going with. Recently I've got it into my head that maybe the ultrasound tech was wrong, and he's a she, but I'm trying to not think about it. We just spent a week with my cousin's boys (4 and 1), and I'm really starting to get it, this boy thing, and be excited.
Movement: Still lots, but it's uncomfortable sometimes as I feel like he's pushing my insides apart. The other day he really punched me in class and I was like, "oh!" which concerned my students, of course. They were in awe then, because they could see my belly moving from where they were sitting. I like it, but sometimes I think he should be nicer to me.
Sleep: Depends. Last night was rough, but the last hour this morning was awesome. It's hard to be comfortable at this point, so of course it's difficult to sleep. But I'm getting enough to be functional, and I'm still ignoring the people who tell me it's practice for the rest of my life when I won't apparently sleep again.
What I Miss: As mentioned above, my body. I don't know who this person is sometimes. Sometimes I feel cute and pretty, other times I feel yucky and unattractive. Being able to tie my sneakers comfortably. Being able to bend over comfortably. Being able to sit comfortably. Ha, I'm such a whiner. It's not that bad.
Cravings: Grapefruit is my new favorite thing. But besides that, I'll still take my salty food whenever.
Symptoms: Is feeling ready to do this thing a symptom? If so, I have it. Otherwise it's normal stuff, I think. On the whole, despite the uncomfortable thing, I'd say I'm doing great. A funny story: there was a question on a Spanish test I gave last week that asked, "What is probably that Mrs. C will do in class?" Most kids responded with things like, "It's probably she'll give us homework or candy or play games" and things like that. One student's response? "It's probable that she'll go to the bathroom during class." Oh, so sad, so hilarious, so true.
Words: Of Wisdom? To take each day as it comes. Of Ridiculousness? "Wow, you've gotten even bigger in the last week!" "Wait, you're pregnant?"
Best Moment of the Week: I suspect it will actually be tonight and tomorrow, when I have two baby showers and small group, so I'll have lots of time for some good connecting with friends - I've been feeling a little out of it as I've had a lot going on - and we'll get some hopefully fun and hopefully useful things for the Peanut!
What I'm Looking Forward To: Putting the nursery stuff and all Baby C's things away in his room and getting it all ready. Holding my son. Yeah, I'm pretty excited about that. What else can compare to the fact that that is coming?
And here are my students, so it's time for me to get off the blog and do my job. Happy Friday!
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Truth
Truth #1: I want to write a post that is light-hearted, fun, festive, and new, since this is my first post of 2012, but if I am to be truthful about life, and where I'm at, well then, fun, festive, and new will have to wait until tomorrow.
Truth #2: Even if my heart was ready to write my 30 Before 30 post today, I don't have my list complete yet. Better get cracking as the clock is ticking! Look for that coming soon.
Truth #3: Marriage is hard. Now, I know that some of you actually know Husband in real life, and so I hesitate to write what's on my heart. But I continue to remind myself that you love him, and you know that I love him also. Whole-heartedly. And that we are commited to each other for always. So I'm going to be a truth-teller, because my heart is thinking a lot about this. Marriage is hard.
Truth #4: I can't share with you right now what is going on with Husband, but it's pretty tough. Maybe someday, when his journey is a little farther, he'll allow me to share so that our story can be one to hopefully help others. For now, though, I can just tell you that it's rough. He's hurting, I'm hurting, and it's rough. And deep. And there is definitely a spiritual component attached to it, for which I would covet your prayers.
Truth #5: As I sat last night trying to stop bawling like a baby, I opened first the Bible and second my journal, and was reminded.
I haven't been doing all this spiritual growth recently for no reason. God's in charge, and He has the master plan. He knew this was coming, and He prepared my heart.
First, God reminded me in Psalm 31 to
and in Psalm 32 that,
Most of all, that there is Hope.
That His promises are swift and sure in coming, and that He always makes good on them.
Truth #2: Even if my heart was ready to write my 30 Before 30 post today, I don't have my list complete yet. Better get cracking as the clock is ticking! Look for that coming soon.
Truth #3: Marriage is hard. Now, I know that some of you actually know Husband in real life, and so I hesitate to write what's on my heart. But I continue to remind myself that you love him, and you know that I love him also. Whole-heartedly. And that we are commited to each other for always. So I'm going to be a truth-teller, because my heart is thinking a lot about this. Marriage is hard.
Truth #4: I can't share with you right now what is going on with Husband, but it's pretty tough. Maybe someday, when his journey is a little farther, he'll allow me to share so that our story can be one to hopefully help others. For now, though, I can just tell you that it's rough. He's hurting, I'm hurting, and it's rough. And deep. And there is definitely a spiritual component attached to it, for which I would covet your prayers.
Truth #5: As I sat last night trying to stop bawling like a baby, I opened first the Bible and second my journal, and was reminded.
I haven't been doing all this spiritual growth recently for no reason. God's in charge, and He has the master plan. He knew this was coming, and He prepared my heart.
First, God reminded me in Psalm 31 to
Be brave. Be strong. Don't give up. Expect God to get here soon,
and in Psalm 32 that,
We're depending on God; he's everything we need. What's more, our hearts brim with joy since we've taken for our own his holy name. Love us, God, with all you've got - that's what we're depending on.
Then, as I went back through page after page after page of writing in my journal, He showed me that He has been working in me, preparing me, teaching me.
Most of all, that there is Hope.
That His promises are swift and sure in coming, and that He always makes good on them.
That, in all things, I can praise Him and give Him glory, because He Is Good, even when things are not.
That I can trust Him with Husband. That Husband is not mine to fix. That I must be a praying wife, a loving wife, an encouraging wife, a supporting wife. That God has Husband in His hand, and that God alone can be what Husband needs.
Truth #6: Because my heart has been being prepared, worked on, because I've been learning these things, I do not feel desperate. I do not feel downtrodden. I do feel hurt, I won't lie. I am scared. It is hard. But I feel hopeful. I believe that God is working, and I believe that Husband is His. Because God has been walking with me, teaching me, I have faith.
Truth #7: I believe Satan is ticked. I've been praying in faith for some very specific things for Husband regularly for the last month or so, and those very things have been attacked. I don't like to throw spiritual warfare around casually in conversation - too easily we can blame our sin on it, in my opinion, and begin to see demons everywhere - but in this case, I am confident. Join me, friends, in praying for a hedge around Husband, that He will not believe the lies that are being whispered to his heart about the very core of who he is as a man.
Truth #8: Months ago I posted this song, and thought I should listen to it this morning, because I praise God that He has been faithful to me in preparing my heart, and that He will continue to be faithful, right until the very end.
I forgot that it talks about Glory. And you know that Glory is something I've been thinking and learning quite a lot about recently. Okay, God, connection again.
And, for potentially the first time in my life, I started to understand this idea of being the Bride of Christ, of marriage to Him, of truly loving Him and Him loving me. In marriage with Christ, He doesn't hurt me or let me down or be humanly stupid. He loves unconditionally, perfectly, passionately, jealously. I've been praying that I would learn to love God, to understand that relationship at a deeper level, and because of my own marriage and what we're learning now, I'm starting to get it.
Faithful. Absolutely to the end.
Thanks for walking with me as I tell some truth today. It's where my heart is, and I desire to be a transparent, real person, to live with integrity. Even if it's hard or reveals that I, like all of us, am far from perfect.
Please, again know that I love my man, and I believe in him completely. This is a journey, and one we need to take to be the people that God wants us to be.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Looking Back: 2011
As a teacher, I live my life by school years more often than calendar years. I'm always caught off-guard by student's jokes in December of "I'll see you next year," because I just can't get my brain to operate on the calendar year when I'm in the middle of school. For me, the year runs from August to August, and I accept that.
Still, the coming of a new calendar year is something kind of special, isn't it? New years, new days, new mornings. New chances. The closing of a calendar year gives us the opportunity to reflect on what was, and to dream of what comes next.
2011 proved me to be an unfaithful blogger and photographer, so I can't do one of those month-by-month, best posts or photos reviews, but I have picked out a few things to share as I reflect on 2011.
On Babies:
In April I shared my thoughts on Husband and I finally deciding that we were "ready" to have children - or to start trying. Still, that "decision" brought very little chage in my life.
In August, Husband and I were in Lincoln, NE, for a wedding when we discovered that we were, in fact, pregnant. After taking a couple of pregnancy tests over the course of a couple of days (which, yes, I have pictures of, but no, I will not post here), we sent/gave our parents these homemade mugs to share the news with them.
In October, we shared the news with the world. The first non-family, non-close friends people to find out? My Student Council. They were so cute and excited for us!
I had my first and total meltdown about worrying if my baby was okay - I was sure the baby was dead and I just didn't know it. I was a sniveling mess for a couple of days until I finally let my rational self and God take over.
In November, at our second ultrasound, we learned that not only was Baby C alive and healthy, but he was also a HE. A boy. A son. Whoa! I kind of knew it, I think.
In November, I gave in and finally bought maternity clothes (a tramautic experience at first, but I'm feeling more comfortable in my expanding body these days.... comfortable as in more accepting, not as in physically comfortable).
Most excitingly, the end of November and December have brought amazing feeling movements and kicks that both Husband and I can feel, and the mushy mom-to-be side of me has finally started to come out. I'm nervous, excited, and realizing, holy moly, I am going to be a mom. Soon.
On God and Deeper Things:
At a few points throughout the year, I acknolwedged that I needed to dig deeper. I pondered having Margin in life, God's faithfulness, and a need to spend more time with the One, but little came of it until November, when a friend finally kicked me in the butt and told me to just do it.
December brought nearly daily quiet times (some long, some short), where I've begun to learn more and more about faith, belief, and a new level of relationship. The Advent season helped me to process that it's about that relationship.
I'm on a journey, but it's beautiful. And hard. Beautifully hard, but worth it, and I know I'm getting something I didn't get before.
On Family, Friends, and Life in General:
January brought a visit from my friend Brooke for a weekend. She's moving to Korea in a few weeks with her husband. Brooke is the type of friend you know you can always count on. I mentioned that I would be alone for the weekend and I was super upset about it, because Husband was going to be on the youth retreat, the first I had missed in years. On a whim, she and her dog Charlie drove out to hang with Ginny and me.
Husband and I just had the chance to spend another weekend with Brooke and her husband as they drove from Arizona to Michigan, phase one of their move to Korea. I don't know when I'll get to see her again, but thank goodness for Skype, and for friends that you know are always going to be there and get you, no matter where they live.
Summer yielded two trips to Nebraska on my part and three for Husband (who loved it, since that's his hometown). In June, we spent a long weekend at John's mom's and attended Husband's cousin's wedding. There was an incident with a harmless snake in a park that resulted in my crying like an idiot, and Husband explaining to his sister that I am like Indiana Jones - able to conquer everything but snakes. In July, Husband went back to Lincoln for his 10 year high school reunion, where he got to drive a Mustang and catch up with some old friends. And in August, we went back again for Laura's (MIL's) birthday and went to another wedding. (And found out about the Peanut.) Sadly, I have no pictures of any of this - I was a terrible photographer.
In July, my grandpa turned 96 years old, we moved him from one retirement home to another, and we took him to Estes Park. He's pretty much the coolest old man I know. My sister and I had lunch with him yesterday at his place, and just laughed with him. He's great.
My sister graduated from college in May and, in August, started her first year of teaching (1st Grade!). She's doing an amazing job, from what I can tell. She's also the Peanut's biggest fan, and has already bought him a couple of cute little outfits and is super excited to be an aunt. Hanging out with her is always fun, even when I'm freezing to death at a football game.
I
also have found that, more and more over the last year, I just absolutely love and respect my husband. He's an amazing man, who continues to amaze me more every day. He graduated from a 4 year schooling program with honors and took his Journeyman's license test and passed on the first try. He tore out our rotting deck and put in the cutest little patio and yard in our teeny-tiny townhouse space. He's been reading up on babies and is actively involved in this pregnancy, and is so excited to be a dad. And he's grown, in lots of amazing ways, that I couldn't even begin to share here. He's just wonderful, and I am blessed to be his wife. I can't even begin to imagine what this next adventure we're about to go on together will be like, but I'm so excited to be on this road with him.
There are about a billion other things I could tell you about 2011, but as this post has already taken way longer than I thought, I'll be finished.
Looking back, I am in awe. I pondered. I taught some great students. I made some mistakes, but I tried to do right. I spent time with people I love and who love me. I learned to spend more time with my family, to create some margin, to leave work at school more often. I'm growing in my faith, in my relationships, and, of course, in my belly.
I know that 2012 is going to be a year full of life I cannot even begin to imagine, and I am thrilled to begin looking forward. I have some hopes for this blog, but more importantly, I have hopes for myself, for my husband, for my son.
For my life.
Blessings, and I'll see you again next year.
Still, the coming of a new calendar year is something kind of special, isn't it? New years, new days, new mornings. New chances. The closing of a calendar year gives us the opportunity to reflect on what was, and to dream of what comes next.
2011 proved me to be an unfaithful blogger and photographer, so I can't do one of those month-by-month, best posts or photos reviews, but I have picked out a few things to share as I reflect on 2011.
On Babies:
In April I shared my thoughts on Husband and I finally deciding that we were "ready" to have children - or to start trying. Still, that "decision" brought very little chage in my life.
In August, Husband and I were in Lincoln, NE, for a wedding when we discovered that we were, in fact, pregnant. After taking a couple of pregnancy tests over the course of a couple of days (which, yes, I have pictures of, but no, I will not post here), we sent/gave our parents these homemade mugs to share the news with them.
In October, we shared the news with the world. The first non-family, non-close friends people to find out? My Student Council. They were so cute and excited for us!
I had my first and total meltdown about worrying if my baby was okay - I was sure the baby was dead and I just didn't know it. I was a sniveling mess for a couple of days until I finally let my rational self and God take over.
In November, at our second ultrasound, we learned that not only was Baby C alive and healthy, but he was also a HE. A boy. A son. Whoa! I kind of knew it, I think.
In November, I gave in and finally bought maternity clothes (a tramautic experience at first, but I'm feeling more comfortable in my expanding body these days.... comfortable as in more accepting, not as in physically comfortable).
Most excitingly, the end of November and December have brought amazing feeling movements and kicks that both Husband and I can feel, and the mushy mom-to-be side of me has finally started to come out. I'm nervous, excited, and realizing, holy moly, I am going to be a mom. Soon.
On God and Deeper Things:
At a few points throughout the year, I acknolwedged that I needed to dig deeper. I pondered having Margin in life, God's faithfulness, and a need to spend more time with the One, but little came of it until November, when a friend finally kicked me in the butt and told me to just do it.
December brought nearly daily quiet times (some long, some short), where I've begun to learn more and more about faith, belief, and a new level of relationship. The Advent season helped me to process that it's about that relationship.
Photo Credit: My wonderful blog friend, Southern Gal.
I'm on a journey, but it's beautiful. And hard. Beautifully hard, but worth it, and I know I'm getting something I didn't get before.
On Family, Friends, and Life in General:
January brought a visit from my friend Brooke for a weekend. She's moving to Korea in a few weeks with her husband. Brooke is the type of friend you know you can always count on. I mentioned that I would be alone for the weekend and I was super upset about it, because Husband was going to be on the youth retreat, the first I had missed in years. On a whim, she and her dog Charlie drove out to hang with Ginny and me.
Husband and I just had the chance to spend another weekend with Brooke and her husband as they drove from Arizona to Michigan, phase one of their move to Korea. I don't know when I'll get to see her again, but thank goodness for Skype, and for friends that you know are always going to be there and get you, no matter where they live.
Summer yielded two trips to Nebraska on my part and three for Husband (who loved it, since that's his hometown). In June, we spent a long weekend at John's mom's and attended Husband's cousin's wedding. There was an incident with a harmless snake in a park that resulted in my crying like an idiot, and Husband explaining to his sister that I am like Indiana Jones - able to conquer everything but snakes. In July, Husband went back to Lincoln for his 10 year high school reunion, where he got to drive a Mustang and catch up with some old friends. And in August, we went back again for Laura's (MIL's) birthday and went to another wedding. (And found out about the Peanut.) Sadly, I have no pictures of any of this - I was a terrible photographer.
In July, my grandpa turned 96 years old, we moved him from one retirement home to another, and we took him to Estes Park. He's pretty much the coolest old man I know. My sister and I had lunch with him yesterday at his place, and just laughed with him. He's great.
My sister graduated from college in May and, in August, started her first year of teaching (1st Grade!). She's doing an amazing job, from what I can tell. She's also the Peanut's biggest fan, and has already bought him a couple of cute little outfits and is super excited to be an aunt. Hanging out with her is always fun, even when I'm freezing to death at a football game.
also have found that, more and more over the last year, I just absolutely love and respect my husband. He's an amazing man, who continues to amaze me more every day. He graduated from a 4 year schooling program with honors and took his Journeyman's license test and passed on the first try. He tore out our rotting deck and put in the cutest little patio and yard in our teeny-tiny townhouse space. He's been reading up on babies and is actively involved in this pregnancy, and is so excited to be a dad. And he's grown, in lots of amazing ways, that I couldn't even begin to share here. He's just wonderful, and I am blessed to be his wife. I can't even begin to imagine what this next adventure we're about to go on together will be like, but I'm so excited to be on this road with him.
There are about a billion other things I could tell you about 2011, but as this post has already taken way longer than I thought, I'll be finished.
Looking back, I am in awe. I pondered. I taught some great students. I made some mistakes, but I tried to do right. I spent time with people I love and who love me. I learned to spend more time with my family, to create some margin, to leave work at school more often. I'm growing in my faith, in my relationships, and, of course, in my belly.
I know that 2012 is going to be a year full of life I cannot even begin to imagine, and I am thrilled to begin looking forward. I have some hopes for this blog, but more importantly, I have hopes for myself, for my husband, for my son.
For my life.
Blessings, and I'll see you again next year.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
And Some More on Glory
Last Wednesday morning I headed downstairs at about 5:30, got my cup of coffee (a delicious half-caf blend that I add organic sugar, a little cream (okay, more than a little), and a dash of cinnamon and ginger), turned the twinkle lights on the tree, and opened up to where I'd left off a few days ago in Matthew.
Later, when Husband came downstairs, I couldn't wait to tell him what I'd read.
"Guess what the first sentence in the passage was about this morning?"
"Umm... Glory?"
Yup. Glory. That word I have never really considered much, but am hearing loud and clear now. It was just one of those "wow" moments, you know? The very day before, on a whim, I'd opened to a Psalm instead of the normal routine, and pondered glory. So to head back to Matthew and get more on it?
Alright, God.
Peter, John, and James headed up a mountain with Jesus and got to experience Glory. Jesus was suddenly transformed - His face, his clothing, filled with light, shining brightly (way better than any Twilight vampire's sparkling). And He was talking with Moses and Elijah.
At this point, I bet Peter, John, and James are in awe and probably a little freaked out, but they're still with it enough to think, "hey, we should build a memorial to remember this!" But then they get to see more Glory.
God shows up. They're enveloped in a cloud of light and they HEAR God's voice claiming Jesus as His Son, in whom He delights. All rational thought goes out the window here, and they fall on their faces. I mean, who wouldn't? I probably would have had an "accident," if you know what I mean.
These guys didn't just talk about Glory. They got to see Jesus. To really see Him. (Like in Avatar, SEE Him.) And they got to experience God.
This Glory thing is real, and it's a big deal.
Well, I decided to keep reading, thinking that whatever came next would be good, but probably not as jaw-dropping as reading more about Glory.
Jesus' disciples had tried to cast out a demon, and failed. "Why couldn't we do it?" they asked.
"Because you're not really getting it yet," Jesus replied. "You still don't really know God. If you really knew Him, a tiny bit of faith would move mountains." (my paraphrase, obviously. It's how God spoke to my heart.)
Again, with the connections. They, like me, needed to know, to see, God. To be in a real relationship with Him.
I'm praying for belief, for faith, at a level deeper and more meaningful than I've ever had before. And God's making the message loud and clear.
The key is this relationship. The more I invest, the more I'll get it. The more I'll know Him. The more I'll believe and have faith and understand Glory and be able to serve and love and obey. Like a marriage that has lasted a lifetime and grown stronger and deeper and reached new levels of love, I'll learn to know and love Him.
Relationship.
Clearly.
The true meaning of this whole season. Of Christmas.
Later, when Husband came downstairs, I couldn't wait to tell him what I'd read.
"Guess what the first sentence in the passage was about this morning?"
"Umm... Glory?"
Yup. Glory. That word I have never really considered much, but am hearing loud and clear now. It was just one of those "wow" moments, you know? The very day before, on a whim, I'd opened to a Psalm instead of the normal routine, and pondered glory. So to head back to Matthew and get more on it?
Alright, God.
Peter, John, and James headed up a mountain with Jesus and got to experience Glory. Jesus was suddenly transformed - His face, his clothing, filled with light, shining brightly (way better than any Twilight vampire's sparkling). And He was talking with Moses and Elijah.
At this point, I bet Peter, John, and James are in awe and probably a little freaked out, but they're still with it enough to think, "hey, we should build a memorial to remember this!" But then they get to see more Glory.
God shows up. They're enveloped in a cloud of light and they HEAR God's voice claiming Jesus as His Son, in whom He delights. All rational thought goes out the window here, and they fall on their faces. I mean, who wouldn't? I probably would have had an "accident," if you know what I mean.
These guys didn't just talk about Glory. They got to see Jesus. To really see Him. (Like in Avatar, SEE Him.) And they got to experience God.
This Glory thing is real, and it's a big deal.
Well, I decided to keep reading, thinking that whatever came next would be good, but probably not as jaw-dropping as reading more about Glory.
Jesus' disciples had tried to cast out a demon, and failed. "Why couldn't we do it?" they asked.
"Because you're not really getting it yet," Jesus replied. "You still don't really know God. If you really knew Him, a tiny bit of faith would move mountains." (my paraphrase, obviously. It's how God spoke to my heart.)
Again, with the connections. They, like me, needed to know, to see, God. To be in a real relationship with Him.
I'm praying for belief, for faith, at a level deeper and more meaningful than I've ever had before. And God's making the message loud and clear.
The key is this relationship. The more I invest, the more I'll get it. The more I'll know Him. The more I'll believe and have faith and understand Glory and be able to serve and love and obey. Like a marriage that has lasted a lifetime and grown stronger and deeper and reached new levels of love, I'll learn to know and love Him.
Relationship.
Clearly.
The true meaning of this whole season. Of Christmas.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
This Is Not What I Started To Write
I am having one of those mornings.
Slept in a little too late but still wanted to have a quiet time, needed to shower anyway, couldn't find my shoes anywhere, didn't want to wake Husband up since he's been working nights, tried to take a cute 23-weeks picture but couldn't get the camera to work well enough and wasted a ton of time doing that, was nearly late to my first class, had to rush around to get ready, class wasn't prepared for what they were supposed to be and were being obnoxious and off-task, have lots of meetings today and no free time, and my check engine light is still on and I realized I can't take the car in today even though I need to get the discount from the people goofing up yesterday when I took it in, called Husband to see if he could do it since he's not working today but it turns out he is, so no car in and little chance of him picking up the house mess.
Frazzled. That's the word I started my quiet time off with as I began to pray, and it's how I've been feeling off an on all morning.
My plan, as foretold by the attempt to take a cute picture of myself, was to do a 23-Week update. It's been a while, I think I look cute today, and I wanted to blog about baby stuff. I had even already titled this post "23 Weeks" when I started typing a few minutes ago.
But I'm feeling this post going in a different direction - my heart is leading me to write other things, instead.
As I prayed that God would quiet my frazzled heart this morning, I asked that He would help me focus on the Big Picture, instead of the little bitty pieces I was worrying about.
Four words came to my mind as I prayed about the Big Picture.
Love.
Obey.
Serve.
Glory.
I opened to a Psalm instead of picking up where I left off in Matthew, and read a passage about all the angels and the earth singing
Glory!
as God's thunder echoed through the world. As God's awesomeness and power were reflected.
God will give strength to his people. God will give peace to his people.
the passage concluded.
And I was struck that the word Glory, a word which I rarely think about and hardly ever use, showed up twice in a mere five minutes.
Glory (n): worshipful praise, honor and thanksgiving
Glory (v): to rejoice proudly
Glorify (v): to make glorious by bestowing honor, praise, or admiration
Glorious (adj): possessing or deserving glory
Instead of Jingle Bells (which is my go-to, autonomatic, whistle in my head song), I've been humming the Glorias of this song.
I'm not one hundred percent sure I know what Glory means, truthfully, despite the definitions above. In my quiet times these last few weeks I have begun to realize that, at least right now, I don't quite get what it means to love God above all else, to be in relationship with Him, to desire nothing more than Him and His kingdom.
Those are hard things to do with someone I can't physically talk to and see and hear. And I'm learning that, while I believe, and I have faith, and this is real to me, I need to know Him more. And as I get to know Him more, I know I'll start to get those things.
Please hear me well. I'm not saying I don't believe, or that my relationship with Him isn't personal and real. I do believe. It is personal, and very real. There have been times I've felt the nearly tangible presence of God. Times where I know I couldn't have made it through without Him.
But in these season of trying to put aside my own self-sufficiency, I am learning that there are a lot of things I need to learn.
I've been pondering. Being Still. Listening. Obedience. Love. Servanthood. And now, Glory.
I'm not completely positive where this is leading, or what God has in store, but I do know this:
Each day I have a quiet time, I think some more about these things. I pray some more. I read some more.
And I get to know Him some more.
Slept in a little too late but still wanted to have a quiet time, needed to shower anyway, couldn't find my shoes anywhere, didn't want to wake Husband up since he's been working nights, tried to take a cute 23-weeks picture but couldn't get the camera to work well enough and wasted a ton of time doing that, was nearly late to my first class, had to rush around to get ready, class wasn't prepared for what they were supposed to be and were being obnoxious and off-task, have lots of meetings today and no free time, and my check engine light is still on and I realized I can't take the car in today even though I need to get the discount from the people goofing up yesterday when I took it in, called Husband to see if he could do it since he's not working today but it turns out he is, so no car in and little chance of him picking up the house mess.
Frazzled. That's the word I started my quiet time off with as I began to pray, and it's how I've been feeling off an on all morning.
My plan, as foretold by the attempt to take a cute picture of myself, was to do a 23-Week update. It's been a while, I think I look cute today, and I wanted to blog about baby stuff. I had even already titled this post "23 Weeks" when I started typing a few minutes ago.
But I'm feeling this post going in a different direction - my heart is leading me to write other things, instead.
As I prayed that God would quiet my frazzled heart this morning, I asked that He would help me focus on the Big Picture, instead of the little bitty pieces I was worrying about.
Four words came to my mind as I prayed about the Big Picture.
Love.
Obey.
Serve.
Glory.
I opened to a Psalm instead of picking up where I left off in Matthew, and read a passage about all the angels and the earth singing
Glory!
as God's thunder echoed through the world. As God's awesomeness and power were reflected.
God will give strength to his people. God will give peace to his people.
the passage concluded.
And I was struck that the word Glory, a word which I rarely think about and hardly ever use, showed up twice in a mere five minutes.
Glory (n): worshipful praise, honor and thanksgiving
Glory (v): to rejoice proudly
Glorify (v): to make glorious by bestowing honor, praise, or admiration
Glorious (adj): possessing or deserving glory
Instead of Jingle Bells (which is my go-to, autonomatic, whistle in my head song), I've been humming the Glorias of this song.
I'm not one hundred percent sure I know what Glory means, truthfully, despite the definitions above. In my quiet times these last few weeks I have begun to realize that, at least right now, I don't quite get what it means to love God above all else, to be in relationship with Him, to desire nothing more than Him and His kingdom.
Those are hard things to do with someone I can't physically talk to and see and hear. And I'm learning that, while I believe, and I have faith, and this is real to me, I need to know Him more. And as I get to know Him more, I know I'll start to get those things.
Please hear me well. I'm not saying I don't believe, or that my relationship with Him isn't personal and real. I do believe. It is personal, and very real. There have been times I've felt the nearly tangible presence of God. Times where I know I couldn't have made it through without Him.
But in these season of trying to put aside my own self-sufficiency, I am learning that there are a lot of things I need to learn.
I've been pondering. Being Still. Listening. Obedience. Love. Servanthood. And now, Glory.
I'm not completely positive where this is leading, or what God has in store, but I do know this:
Each day I have a quiet time, I think some more about these things. I pray some more. I read some more.
And I get to know Him some more.
Gloria, Oh Gloria.
I think I'll get there.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
On Being Small, Going it Alone, and Other Things
Husband and I have been doing a little quick devotional together each night recently - and by at night, I mean, at night, or, if we forgot, the next morning. It's about time - it only took us three years of marriage to figure out that the small devotional together was the way we could be consistent.
A friend (and I can't exactly remember who, but I feel like it might have been Dawn, since she posted on this same devotional recently) gave me the book Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young.
We really like it.
Each day has a short reading, followed by some verses you can look up if you feel so inclined. Sometimes we get to the verses, sometimes we are too involved in a conversation inspired by what we've read already. It's nice - Husband is someone who processes slowly, so if I want to talk about something longer, like a sermon we heard, he's not going to be ready to do so for a while. With these little devos, he can think about it more quickly, and we are able to talk right then and there.
Yesterdays' reading was written straight for me, I think. It's not long, so, even though this might be a copyright issue, I'm going to share it with you. (Credit: It's the October 4 reading, Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young.)
I am the Creator of Heaven and Earth: Lord of all that is and all that will ever be. Although I am unimaginably vast, I choose to dwell within you, permeating you with My Presence. Only in the spirit realm could Someone so infinitely great live within someone so very small. Be awed by the Power and the Glory of My Spirit within you!
Though the Holy Spirit is infinite, He deigns to be your Helper. He is always ready to offer assistance; all you need to do is ask. When the path before you looks easy and straightforward, you may be tempted to go it alone instead of relying on Me. This is when you are in the greatest danger of stumbling. Ask My Spirit to help you as you go each step of the way. Never neglect this glorious source of strength within you.
When I'm standing amidst the ridges and trees and vistas of the mountains, or before the expansive vastness of the ocean, I always meet God. In my entire life, God has never failed to show up when I was in one of those places. I'm struck by the hugeness of God, and the tinyness of me, and by how, even though I am so tiny in comparsion, and just one tiny person amidst a world of tiny people, He loves me infinitely. But I'm not sure I've ever given much thought to the fact that that same HUGE God lives in me. I'm awed by His Hugeness, by His Vastness, by His Unfathomable Love for me. But I don't often get to the part where I'm awed by the fact that He deigns, as the text says, to live in me. Serious food for thought, here.
And then the next part, well, arrow to my heart, Lord.
I am so the person who attempts to go it alone when things are easy and straightforward. I'm great at clinging to God during hard times, but ummm... other than that, not so much. I mean, I go to church and get a lot from ther sermons. I have quiet times periodically (sometimes often, sometimes not), and I hear from and love God. But the rest of the minutes of the hours of the days, well, I'm not paying much attention.
Recently I was talking to someone and, as we were discussing what our challenges were, commented that I subconciously (and now conciously) consider myself to be a pretty self-sufficient person. And I don't want to be. I want the Vast Huge God to be my sufficiency, not myself. And if my thinking that the other day wasn't enough of a hint, here came this devotional to remind me.
If I'm going to attempt to go it alone, I'm going to stumble.
I mean, I'm probably going to stumble anyway, but it's a different kind of stumble, I think.
Okay, God. Message is slowly starting to be received. May You be the One I consider, the One I turn to for everything and anything, the One I am awed by and in love with. May I crave spending time with You, getting your advice, and doing what You want and will.
Amen.
A friend (and I can't exactly remember who, but I feel like it might have been Dawn, since she posted on this same devotional recently) gave me the book Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young.
We really like it.
Each day has a short reading, followed by some verses you can look up if you feel so inclined. Sometimes we get to the verses, sometimes we are too involved in a conversation inspired by what we've read already. It's nice - Husband is someone who processes slowly, so if I want to talk about something longer, like a sermon we heard, he's not going to be ready to do so for a while. With these little devos, he can think about it more quickly, and we are able to talk right then and there.
Yesterdays' reading was written straight for me, I think. It's not long, so, even though this might be a copyright issue, I'm going to share it with you. (Credit: It's the October 4 reading, Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young.)
I am the Creator of Heaven and Earth: Lord of all that is and all that will ever be. Although I am unimaginably vast, I choose to dwell within you, permeating you with My Presence. Only in the spirit realm could Someone so infinitely great live within someone so very small. Be awed by the Power and the Glory of My Spirit within you!
Though the Holy Spirit is infinite, He deigns to be your Helper. He is always ready to offer assistance; all you need to do is ask. When the path before you looks easy and straightforward, you may be tempted to go it alone instead of relying on Me. This is when you are in the greatest danger of stumbling. Ask My Spirit to help you as you go each step of the way. Never neglect this glorious source of strength within you.
When I'm standing amidst the ridges and trees and vistas of the mountains, or before the expansive vastness of the ocean, I always meet God. In my entire life, God has never failed to show up when I was in one of those places. I'm struck by the hugeness of God, and the tinyness of me, and by how, even though I am so tiny in comparsion, and just one tiny person amidst a world of tiny people, He loves me infinitely. But I'm not sure I've ever given much thought to the fact that that same HUGE God lives in me. I'm awed by His Hugeness, by His Vastness, by His Unfathomable Love for me. But I don't often get to the part where I'm awed by the fact that He deigns, as the text says, to live in me. Serious food for thought, here.
And then the next part, well, arrow to my heart, Lord.
I am so the person who attempts to go it alone when things are easy and straightforward. I'm great at clinging to God during hard times, but ummm... other than that, not so much. I mean, I go to church and get a lot from ther sermons. I have quiet times periodically (sometimes often, sometimes not), and I hear from and love God. But the rest of the minutes of the hours of the days, well, I'm not paying much attention.
Recently I was talking to someone and, as we were discussing what our challenges were, commented that I subconciously (and now conciously) consider myself to be a pretty self-sufficient person. And I don't want to be. I want the Vast Huge God to be my sufficiency, not myself. And if my thinking that the other day wasn't enough of a hint, here came this devotional to remind me.
If I'm going to attempt to go it alone, I'm going to stumble.
I mean, I'm probably going to stumble anyway, but it's a different kind of stumble, I think.
Okay, God. Message is slowly starting to be received. May You be the One I consider, the One I turn to for everything and anything, the One I am awed by and in love with. May I crave spending time with You, getting your advice, and doing what You want and will.
Amen.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Consumed.... But Trying Not to Be
Oh, what to blog about today.
And the plumbing still isn't fixed, so there is a dishwasher full of dirty dishes and other dirty dishes stashed in random places around the house, and unless I cart them all to the bathtub to wash them, dirty they shall stay until the plumbing is fixed.
I'd like to write about something meaningful, deep, and thought-provoking. But I got nothing.
Or maybe I provide you with a funny little quip from my life. Umm. Still nothing.
Perhaps I could share my wisdom on something, like balancing life or how to keep your house clean despite never being in it. Right. As if I have much wisdom to offer in those areas.
All I have to offer is that my house is a mess. And I don't mean the normal mess.
I mean a big mess. A plastic-sheeting-curtaining-off-the-kitchen-and-basement-and-big-fans-and-dehumidifiers-and-they're-going-to-take-out-some-ceiling-and-the-kitchen-cabinets-so-the-floor-can-dry-and-not-mold mess.
And the plumbing still isn't fixed, so there is a dishwasher full of dirty dishes and other dirty dishes stashed in random places around the house, and unless I cart them all to the bathtub to wash them, dirty they shall stay until the plumbing is fixed.And we've had to rearrange the furniture in the living room so the kitchen cabinets can go in there for the time being. They're coming today to put kitchen cabinets in the living room (logical)). Oh, and that's right. Yes, those ARE the cabinets that Husband so painstakingly painted for D.A.Y.S.
And I spent the whole day getting the run around with the insurance company, not because they were trying to do so, but because someone forgot to assign a claim adjustor to me and so no one really knew what was going on. (That's all taken care of- after what felt like hours of phone calls and phone tag and phone messages, I finally spoke with the right people and things are now in order.)
So.... yeah. That's where my brain is at right now. I'm one of those can't-focus-when-your-house-is-a-mess people (and apparently I'm also a hyphenate-everything person today), so being in the house is stressing me out a little, and knowing it will be a while before I get to put it all back together is stressing me out a lot.
Whew. Small things, Beth, reminds God. There are lots of small, really good things. This crisis is a mini-crisis when it comes to real life. No big deal. Lots of people have lots of worse things going on- you've even had worse. (you as in me, I'm still writing what God keeps reminding me.) When it's all done, you'll know that things are in better shape than they were before it started. And there are lots of small things to find joy in, Don't forget.
Okay.
I'll try to remember, God. I can't promise I won't forget for a minute, or two minutes, or maybe even longer, but I'll really try to remember to look for and focus on the small joyful things.
(But seriously, sometimes being an adult is not all it's cracked up to be.)
Linking up with my favorite Company Girls for our usual Friday Chat. LOVE it.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
The Small Things
Have you ever noticed that it's usually the small things that really get under your skin?
At least, that's the way it is for me.
Husband's shoes left in the middle of the floor, the glass left in the living room for days, the dirty clothes literally 2 inches away from the hamper... (I know, and I don't even have kids yet- I'm in trouble). Little things often seem to really bug the heck out of me, and they can do it quite well.
Last night for example, I had to deal with this leak situation, which put me in a cranky mood, which, of course, I woke up still feeling with. Man, I was so frustrated.
But I got out my Bible and was reading (still working slowly on that read a Psalm a morning thing- I sort of fell of the wagon, but I got back on) and God was like, "Hello, Beth, it's the small things that you can be joyful about, too."
In the Message's version of Psalm 9, David writes, "I'm thanking you, God, from a full heart. I'm writing the book on your wonders. I'm whistling, laughing, and jumping for joy. I'm singing your song, High God." (vs. 1-2)
And so I drove to work, and found joy in the fox that crossed the street in front of me in a totally residential area. He was really cute- looked right at me as he trotted by.
And I was happy as I took in the really beautiful colors of a cloudy Colorado sunrise. And in the clouds themselves- there were some incredible shapes going on.
And I loved a guitar riff that was playing on the song that came on my iPod.
And in my classes, we had Pow Wows, where kids shared their lives with each other. It's incredible to see high school boys and girls listening intently to each other's stuff, both good and bad- feeling open enough to cry if they need to cry, all of us laughing together, them giving each other advice from their own experience.
And I found joy. That stupid leak is still there, and I still have to do with it, and the shoes on the floor, and all sorts of small things that will irritate me.... but how much better will it be if I remember to look for the other small things- the kind that point to God and bring me joy.
I guess that's the point of Tuesday's Unwrapped.
At least, that's the way it is for me.
Husband's shoes left in the middle of the floor, the glass left in the living room for days, the dirty clothes literally 2 inches away from the hamper... (I know, and I don't even have kids yet- I'm in trouble). Little things often seem to really bug the heck out of me, and they can do it quite well.
Last night for example, I had to deal with this leak situation, which put me in a cranky mood, which, of course, I woke up still feeling with. Man, I was so frustrated.
But I got out my Bible and was reading (still working slowly on that read a Psalm a morning thing- I sort of fell of the wagon, but I got back on) and God was like, "Hello, Beth, it's the small things that you can be joyful about, too."
In the Message's version of Psalm 9, David writes, "I'm thanking you, God, from a full heart. I'm writing the book on your wonders. I'm whistling, laughing, and jumping for joy. I'm singing your song, High God." (vs. 1-2)
And so I drove to work, and found joy in the fox that crossed the street in front of me in a totally residential area. He was really cute- looked right at me as he trotted by.
And I was happy as I took in the really beautiful colors of a cloudy Colorado sunrise. And in the clouds themselves- there were some incredible shapes going on.
And I loved a guitar riff that was playing on the song that came on my iPod.
And in my classes, we had Pow Wows, where kids shared their lives with each other. It's incredible to see high school boys and girls listening intently to each other's stuff, both good and bad- feeling open enough to cry if they need to cry, all of us laughing together, them giving each other advice from their own experience.
And I found joy. That stupid leak is still there, and I still have to do with it, and the shoes on the floor, and all sorts of small things that will irritate me.... but how much better will it be if I remember to look for the other small things- the kind that point to God and bring me joy.
I guess that's the point of Tuesday's Unwrapped.
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