Five Minute Friday: Joining Leagues and Orders

Clearly, you can tell that the school year has begun, because once again, I have dropped off the face of the world.  Well, the blog world and other computer-related world.

What better way to try to get back into things than a Five-Minute-Friday post?  I have class in 20 minutes and have to make sure I'm ready to teach those 30 lovely high schoolers, so I really can only afford 5 minutes, anyways.

Today's topic?  Join.

Here goes.

It's the beginning of the school year.  This is the part of the year where connections are made.  Connections between myself and my students, connections between students and students, connections between "real life" and "work life" or "school life."  Everyone here is joining something.  Joining a new class, a new group of friends, a new idealogy for what life is going to be like this year.

Me?  I've joined the League of Moms Who Work Full Time.  Moms whose babies spend more time awake during the week with their daycare provider than their mommy, Moms who leave work on time (a first!) to go pick up and snuggle that baby.  Moms who love their jobs,  but love their babies more.  Moms who learn to operate on not-enough sleep, becuse there is no way to get everything done without staying up a little later and getting up a little earlier.  Moms who teach themselves to be disciplined and orgazined and think ahead, because otherwise the normal 5 minutes late out the door in the morning is 25 minutes late.   

I've joined the Order of Women Whose Husbands Work and Go to School.  Women who try to support and challenge and be there for their men.  To encourage, to edit, to do our own work while they do their homework.  Women who try to put meals on the table around their husband's class schedule, who stay up later to make sure they get to have a good conversation with their man, who want to do everything possible to help Hubby be successful.

I want to write more, but my five minutes are up, and I don't have time to "cheat" and expand on my thoughts, anyway.  So here's to joining Leagues and Orders and being the woman God would have me be, okay?

Lastly, today is my little man's 5 month birthday.  As a present, I took him to the doctor and got him an antibiotic for his very first ear infection.  Yeay!  But seriously, isn't he cute?

Catching Up: On Husband

This is the perfect day to catch up on what's going on in Husband's life, because this day is about us.

Today, in case you are wondering, is our 4th anniversary.  For years ago we said, "I do," and promised to walk with each other through each day of our lives, through the ups and the downs, the goods and the bads, the beautiful and the ugly.  I'm so proud to be married to this man, to be going through life together, to be learning each day how to be a man and woman who love the Lord, love each other, love our son, and to do life well.

I'm ready for four more years, and then forty more after that, and forever even after that.

A while back I posted these two posts (He Answers and What He's Listening To) that had to do with Husband's job.  After four years with the same company, he was no longer going to be employed there, and we were completely unsure of what was in store for him and for us.  Much time was spent discussing what he wanted to do, what he thought would be satisfying, where he could go to grow.  He'd known for a while that he didn't want to be doing manual labor his entire life, but without a college degree, being an electrician was about it.  And, just for the record, we were really proud of his accomplishments as an electrician so far, too.  He'd gone through a four-year trade school program and graduated with honors.  He'd tested for and received his Journeyman's License.  He'd really pushed himself to do well in that field, and continues to do so.  But it isn't what he wants to do with his life.

After much prayer, consideration, and lots of talking about all the difficulties we would potentially face, Husband decided it was time for him to give college another try, and this time, hopefully, to walk away with a Bachelor's in Electrical Engineering.  He did a ton of research about the program, meeting with academic advisors and the Dean of Engineering.  He found out about financial aid and was awarded a Pell Grant for this year.  And, at the beginning of July, he started his first three classes.  For this term, two of them are online and one is in-building, on Monday and Wednesday nights.  So far, he's doing pretty well, although we've definitely seen already the effects of the change in our evening schedule.  The nights he is home, he has homework.  The nights he has class, he has homework to do when he gets back.  It's been a blessing that I haven't been in school yet, so we can sort of deveop a routine for him that works before I added my schedule requirements to the mix. 

We're excited, but also apprehensive.  School is hard for Husband.  Somewhere along the line of his education, he began to believe the lie that a person who has trouble learning quickly is stupid, the lie that a person who has trouble in math is stupid, that a person whose brain doesn't organize information easily is stupid.

In essence, he began to believe the lie that he is stupid. 

So school, and this degree in particular, holds a lot of scary things for him.  A lot of math, a lot of complicated things to study, to learn.  I am confident that he can do it, but I know it's going to be hard.  He is learning how to be organized, how to study, how to not give in and quit when the going gets rough.  I'm learning how to not be a know-it-all (school is my forte), how to be supportive and enouraging, how and when to turn teacher-mode off and when to turn it on.

And, of, course, Husband doesn't just get to go to school.  He also has a full-time job.  At the beginning of June, he found a job at a company located on the southern end of the city.  After two days of working there, Husband was completely discouraged.  Without going into a bunch of details about an electrical company, I will just say this: it was not the right fit for him.  We thought for a while that maybe if he stuck it out, it would get better, but day after day, he came home exhausted, mentally, physically, and emotionally.  The pace was frantic, the hours demanding (60+ a week, including every Saturday, and he was leaving the house before 5 am to get to work), and the organization of the company somewhat lacking.  The potential pay, while really good, didn't appear to be worth it, at least not for us.  Not with Husband starting school, me going back to work, and a four-month old son at home.  We just didn't see how he could stay there; it seemed like the job was sucking every bit of joy right out of him.

God, thankfully, allowed Husband to leave that job.  A man from church works for another company in town, one pretty close to where we live, and after an interview there, Husband was hired.  Four days on the job and he already seems so much happier.  He's got a spring in his step again, even though they asked if he could work this Saturday.  Working Saturday at this place means overtime, whereas before it didn't.  My favorite part?  The owners of the company and at least one of the other higher-ups are Christians, and they get together once a month to pray for the company.  Husband has never worked at a place with Christians before.  While the company doesn't appear to be labeled as "Christian," he will have the opportunity to work with and for people who believe the same as he does, who, in a field with pretty low moral standards, will hold themselves and him to higher ones.   It's awesome.  You can just see the weight lifted off his shoulders.

We know that we're entering a stage of life that has the potential to be very difficult, but we're ready to take it on.  My man, my husband, is tackling something huge, something he wants, something he's excited about.  He's doing it while working a full-time job, being a dad, a husband, a son, a brother, a friend, a worship-team member, and, most of all, a Jesus-follower.  I am so glad to be able to be the wife that believes in him, that supports him.

These next four (or more likely five) years will probably holdsome of the downs, the bads, and the ugly I mentioned earlier, but they will also be full of the ups, the downs, and the beautiful as we continue to do life together.

Uncertainty and Expectation

Joining in with Gypsy Mama today to take five minutes to write.  The topic?  Expectation.

Ready?

Go.

Expectation.  My first thought?  Is that a real word?  It sounds funny to me, but I think it must be real. 

Husband and I are in a season that is sort of terrifying, sort of amazing, and definitely full of expectation.  He's on his way to a job interview as I write, just pulled out of his parking spot.  He's registered for his first three classes to go to college, to be an electrical engineer, to do something he finds interesting and purposeful with his life. 

Life is full of uncertainty at the moment.  Will he get a job that he likes for the interim?  Will he be able to find a job soon?  Will we be able to continue to afford living in our townhome, or will we have to sell and move to an apartment or in with my family?  Will we be able to manage both of us with full time jobs, him in school, and a new baby, our first?  Will the challenges we'll be facing stretch us too much, or in just the ways we need to be stretched?  Will our marriage be tested in ways we are not prepared for?  So much uncertainty, so many things that could terrify me.

Expectation though, well, expectation is the positive twist to uncertainty.  Even with all these things, there is much to expect.  Much joy, much growth, much life.

Expectation, then, instead of uncertainty.  I'll take it.

What He's Listening To

On Monday I shared with you the truth that not only is He listening, but He answers.  I couldn't share with you what prompted that post at the time, but I can now.

A week ago Thursday, Husband came home with a story of a not-so-good situation at work.  It shouldn't have been a big deal, but it got blown out of proportion, and more or less, his co-workers threw him under the proverbial bus.  Friday he worked at a different site while his boss was going to supposedly "work it out."  I say supposedly because, in my opinion, his boss had no intention of doing any such thing.  Monday morning he told Husband that they needed to talk, but he was too busy until Tuesday, so he'd have to wait.  In the meantime, Husband had the day off.  Bravely, Husband told Boss, "I was stressed about this all weekend, so I just need to ask.  Do I need to be looking for another job?"  Boss' reply?  "Possibly."

Hence, we prayed, and God listened and answered.

On Tuesday, Husband and Boss met for lunch.  Boss didn't even mention the incident from Thursday that was the trigger of all of this, instead citing that "the guys had been complaining" about Husband.  He could only reference one particular story, where both Husband and the co-worker were part of a misunderstanding.  Co-worker, though, apparently made it sound like Husband was totally to blame and that Husband isn't doing a good job.  Whatever, Co-worker.  I'm on to you. 

Finally, Husband asked Boss point blank if he was being let go.  "Yes."  They sorted out the details.  Husband asked a few questions.  Boss promised to be a good reference for him.  Whatever, Boss.  I'm on to you.

Husband's first words to me where that he felt like "this was a long time coming."  His opinion was that Boss had been saving up little things people had been saying about Husband, and rather than communicating them all along so Husband could work on things, just stored them up until now.  (Not that we know what those things are, since Boss had only the one example.) 

It would be easy to be frustrated, because Husband has been there for four years, longer than any of these other guys.  Husband has witnessed plenty of mistakes and issues from his co-workers, but he's not the type to go complaining to the boss.  He's shown plenty of loyalty to this company, but is receiving none back.

Yet mostly, I feel peace about it.  Yes, that's right. I feel good about my husband losing his job.  (For now.  Remind me of that in a month if he is still jobless.)

You see, there was no life for Husband at this company.  It wasn't an uplifting, life-giving environment for him.  I realize that no job can be that all the time, but this job was NEVER that.  And he was weary of it, most of the time.

Now he's excited about some prospects.  He's looking for a job, obviously, but not necessarily a job he wants to keep for ever.  One prospect he's looking into is school.  Electrical Engineering.  You have to understand how huge it is that he would be excited about school, particularly something as hard as engineering.  School has always been very hard for him, and he doesn't love it. But he met with the dean at a local university that caters to non-traditional students, and he's excited.  I don't know if it's financially viable right now (we were in a tight situation before the job loss), but I'm excited that he's excited, and we're going to look into it.  God knows what will work out.

I should be scared and stressed.  Finances are tough.  I was going to post the other week about how we'd just gone through things and it was tight.  As in, don't know how we're going to pay for daycare in the fall tight.  As in, what can we get rid of to nickle and dime our way into having enough to live on tight.  As in, should we sell our townhouse and move into something cheaper, or with my parents, tight.  So this should stress me out.

But instead, I am hopeful.  Husband is excited.  And I keep being listened to, and answered.  Here are a few of the things He keeps saying.  (All from Jesus Calling.)

I AM YOUR LORD!  Seek Me as Friend and Lover of your soul, but remember that I am also King of kings - sovereign over all.  You can make some plans as you gaze into the day that stretches out before you.  But you need to hold those plans tentatively, anticipating that I may have other ideas....  Instead of scanning the horizon of your life, looking for the things that need to be done, concentrate on the task before you and the One who never leaves your side....  Trust me to show you what to do when you have finished what you are doing now.  I will guide you step by step, as you bend your will to Mine. 

(Proverbs 19:21, LUke 1:79)

AS YOU SIT QUIETLY in My Presence, remember that I am a God of abundance.  I will never run out of resources; My capacity to bless you is unlimited

(Philippians 4:19, 2 Corinthians 5:7)

COME TO ME with your plans held in abeyance.  Worship Me in spirit and in truth, allowing My Glory to permeate your entire being.  Trust Me enough to let Me guide you through this day, accomplishing My purposes in My timing.  Subordinate your myriad plans to My Master Plan.  I am sovereign over every aspect of your life!

The challenge continually before you is to trust Me and search for My way through each day.  Do not blindly follow your habitual route, or you will miss what I have prepared for you.  As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts higher than your thoughts. 

(John 4:24, Isaiah 55:8-9)

His promises are secure. I'm learning, though, that to really fully grasp ahold of them, we need to earnestly seek and spend time with Him.  As our pastor said last week, "once a week for an hour is not enough time to cultivate an intimate relationship with Him."  It must be more.

We are confident that He is with us, and with that knowledge, we can do this.  It will be a stretching season, a growing one, but I am sure, a blessed one, as He walks the path before us and with us. 

While we are not sure where we are going, we know it will be Good.  Pray with us for wisdom and discernment as we take each step, won't you?

He Answers

If ever I doubted that He hears us, consider my doubts removed.  He hears, and He answers.

At this moment, I cannot share with you the particular situation that Husband and I are facing, but I can tell you our initial reactions. 

Fear.  Feelings of failure and frustration.  Uncertainty. 

"Let's see what Jesus has to say," I said.  We turned to the devotional Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young.  "Lord, let Your words be just the words we need to hear today," I prayed silently.  For Husband to hear, he needed to hear the perfect words.  And I began to read aloud, without scanning ahead.

May 14.

I AM A MIGHTY GOD.  Nothing is too difficult for Me.  I have chosen to use weak ones like you to accomplish My purposes.  Your weakness is designed to open you up to My Power.  Therefore, do not fear your limitations or measure the day's demands against your strength.  What I require of you is to stay connected to Me, living in trusting dependence on My limitless resources.  When you face unexpected demands, there is no need to panic.  Remember that  I am with you.  Talk with Me, and listen while I talk you through each challenging situation.

I am not a careless God.  When I allow difficulties to come into your life, I equip you fully to handle them.  Relax in My Presence, trusting in My Strength.

(Luke 1:37, 2 Corinthians 12:9)

About halfway through I began to cry.  "Okay, God, You're listening to us.  I see that."  We read it aloud twice, and then each silently on our own, praying through it.  Husband went back a few days in the book, to see what Jesus had to say the day this story began.  I didn't read it with him, but apparently the words were again in answer.  "Apparently we should be listening to Him more often," we commented. 

We talked about what we were feeling, and then prayed together, knowing clearly that God was listening.  We asked for wisdom, for clarity, for discernment.  For peace, for our identities to be wrapped up in the Lord alone, for provision.  We know He was listening, as He continues to listen. 

And He answers.





Friends, I look forward to the opportunity I will have to share the rest of the story with you in the future, as we know we are not walking alone.  Our path is lit (although we cannot see just yet), and it has already been traveled upon (although we do not know where it will go).  Until then, pray with me, won't you?

Love Day

I choose to celebrate Valentine's Day, not because I buy into (emotionally or financially) the commercialized "must show my Husband how much I love him one day a year" mentality, but because it is a day that celebrates love.

You know, LOVE.

Agape. Philia. Storge. Eros. Agape, selfless, sacrificial, unconditional love. Philia, close friendship or brotherly love. Storge, family love, the bond among fathers, mothers, sisters, brothers. Eros, physical sensual love between a man and his wife. (I confess, I had never heard the word "storge" before, but I'm liking it.) LOVE.

And I'm of the opinion that love is worth celebrating, worth cherishing, worth taking time to remember. That, if we are truly living, we'll love, from the very center of our being. Love is a verb, a noun, an action, a thing, a feeling, a doing. It encompasses all.

Now, I'm not into commercial Valentine's Day. Husband and I bought each other cards and wrote a heart-message to each other. Sister and I bought each other a little gift, a tradition we've had forever. Sometimes Husband and I go out to dinner or cook together, but today our family is coming in from out of town for a week, so we'll go see them instead. I'm not upset about not having a grand overture of love displayed. I don't need a dozen roses or a huge box of chocolates or a fancy dinner.

I just want to celebrate LOVE.

I love my husband.

3 and a half years of marriage, 6 + years of being together, and I love him and maybe more importantly, respect my husband more than I did even last year. I love growing with him, learning with him, being with him. I've shared with you recently some reasons I'm thankful for him and some things the Lord has been teaching me about him and things we've been going through. I've shared how he, Baby C, and the dog are my family now, how I just want to spend time with them. 7 years ago, when I first met Husband, I would never have dreamed that I would be married to him, having a family with him, loving him. But he's my man, and I am so glad I allowed God to work with my heart, and that Husband and I continue to do so as we grow together. LOVE.

I love my family.

My little man, who I haven't met yet, but will soon. I am terrified at how much I think I might end up loving him, but excited all the same. I love my sister, my best friend. She's always there, always ready to laugh, cry, be serious, be silly. I love my parents, who have supported me year after year, put up with a lot and done so with grace and love, and who are now among those I call my friends. I love my dog. She brings me great joy. LOVE.

I love my friends.

My BFF, Brooke, now in Korea, is the one of the first people I want to call when I have a story to tell, or need to indulge in some over-sharing. She's a friend I know I've have no matter how much time or distance separates us. My cousin-BFF, Caroline, who is exactly 5 months older than I am, and had her first baby boy about 3 months before I'll have mine. She's a friend that I've had my whole life, and because I know we've already survived the growing-up ups and downs, we'll be friends always. My friend Liz, whom I met in Spain randomly several years ago, who randomly moved here and became my roommate a few years after that, who was in my wedding and I in hers, who is one of my best sounding boards. My small group people, as we all learn to live life together. LOVE.

I love my job, and my students. They teach me more than anything or anyone else, inspire me, challenge me, grow me. LOVE.

And most of all, I love the One, my creator, savior, father, lord, friend, lover.

Well, I want to love Him. I know that HE loves me.

And His love is

generous
unconditional
endless
perfect
powerful
life-changing
gracious
passionate
greater
stronger
enough.

And I know that, the more I invest in time spent with Him, the more I know Him, the more I'm going to love Him, too. The more He'll change my life, the more He'll be what I need. Because I'll love him, catching a glimpse of how He loves me.

LOVE.

Seems like it's worth celebrating, don't you think?

May today you be wrapped in love, shower it onto others, and know that love is perhaps the most true and worthy thing to celebrate, anyway.

Real...ly Lovely to Be Home

Linking up today with Gypsy Mama and others to share on what's Real.

For me, today, it's real...ly lovely to be home.  We're having a real snow day, the first in a few years, I think, where we the snow is actually piling up.  I'm missing being at my parents' house, because they live in the middle of a beautiful forest, and there is nothing quite like snow-laden pine trees.  They're gorgeous.  I see the back of the town houses across from us and the cars in the parking lot covered in snow.  And our tree, which I am so glad we have, as it's the only one in the row, doesn't have branches wide enough to be laden.

But regardless, on this real snow day, complete with snow (as opposed to last year, where we got one for -20 degrees or something like that), I'm really happy to be home.  It's wonderful to have the opportunity to stay in bed as long as want - not sleeping, I can't sleep during the day - but reading a book, drinking coffee, working on school work.  I love my job, but an expected three day weekend is a real blessing.  Life is good these days, but busy and I'm tired.  And so a day off from the usual routine is really, really, wonderful.

It's real that my best friend from college, Brooke, has moved to Korea (she is on the plane to Seoul as I type this), and there is a really real chance we won't see each other for a year.  She won't get to be here to see me get even more uncomfortably pregnant, she'll miss it when our son comes into the world, and she won't be here to help me figure out how to finish decorating the nursery.  But the amazing thing about this real frienship, a truly real, deep, two-way friendship, is that, no matter how long we go without seeing each other, no matter how long it is before I can use the speed dial on my phone to call her again whenever I feel like it, no matter how many miles separate us, we will always be there for each other.  She's one of those friends.  The kind that gets to see the real you, the one who is full of joy and smiling, and the one who is a sniveling snot-covered mess on a bad day.  And you get to see the real her, too.  And so, despite the fact that I'm really sad she'll be so far away, I'm really excited for her journey and for mine, and for how our lives and roads will continue to intersect and matter to each other.  And I'm really excited that such a thing as Skype exists. (As I finished typing this, a package (one of several installements) that Brooke sent for Baby arrived.  She's the cutest, most thoughtful, most creative gift giver ever.)

And in the interest of being real, here's the real me today.  I might get dressed later, we'll see.  I might put my contacts in, but I'm not sure.  I definitely won't put on any make up, and well, that's really nice for me.  Here's what me being in bed for the day really looks like (yes, computer AND iPad going), and for Ginny.  She's really bothered that I'm home, as you can see.

As I continue to think about what's real today, I think about the One.  He's pretty real, and I continue to be amazed at the very real ways He interacts and responds to my heart.  Just yesterday I asked Him to continue to reveal and teach me about His Glory.  I opened up to wear I am in Mark (as I work my way through the New Testament), and found Mark's version of the same story that got me really thinking about Glory in the first place.  I just laughed.  And then God shared some more thoughts on Glory with me.  Because He is real, and He is responsive, and He Is.

Oh, and I really want something super bad for me to eat, but I'm not sure what.  Something that's really salty.  Chinese?  Mexican?  I don't know, but I really want it.  Too bad my car has crappy tires, no four wheel drive, and I promised Husband I wouldn't go out today, anyway, unless someone else drives me.   I really love that man, and how he wants to take care of and protect the Peanut and I.  Speakingn of the Peanut, he's really going to town today.  Kick kick kick, hiccup hiccup hiccup, punch kick hiccup.  Love it.

Forgive my slight shallowness today, friends, on what's real.  I really try to be a person who lives what she says and shows the good, the bad, and the in-between, and I could expand on that instead, but for today, I choose to share what today's real looks like. 

By the way, have I mentioned that it's really lovely to be home? 

On My Immediate Family

I've got family on the brain.... which you would expect, I think.  The last few weeks have been full of immediate family-related things.  I spent MLK Day cleaning out closets and making room for baby things.  Husband painted the nursery.  Furniture started to arrive (and be promptly assembled).  We started to organize some of the things people have already given us in the nursery.  We spent this last weekend out of town, just the two of us.  We went to our first Childbirth Education class last night.  And, of course, there is this constantly kicking baby who reminds me I'm never alone.


Family. 

For most of my life, family has meant my indescribably amazing mom, my wonderful, caring dad, my best friend sister.  Grandparents who were here for us all the time, an aunt, uncle, and two cousins who are "our people."  In the last several years, it's grown to include Husband, obviously.  His family has, over time, become part of my family, too.  His mom, dad, sister.  Grandmas, aunts, uncles, cousins.

But recently, I've just been considering my immediate family, which, somehow, no longer includes my mom, dad, and sister.  My immediate family is my husband, my dog, my baby boy.  I crave time spent with them, especially with Husband.  I pray ferverently that God would transform me into a wife and mother after His own heart.  I recognize that yes, He has placed in me in the roles of sister, daughter, teacher, friend, and I cherish and honor those roles and love them.  But He's also given me the role of wife and mother, and those just might be the most important things I ever do. 

How very un-feminist and un-independent of me, don't you think?  Particulary for this very independent woman who loves (and I mean LOVES) her job and always wants to be a teacher, wants to work, wants to be connected to students, knowing with full confidence that God has put me here, at this school, with these kids, for a very specific reason, and feeling sure that teaching life is a large part of my purpose. 

But if I had had the choice to stay home this morning with my husband and my dog, I would have taken it.  I love being with my family.  I always have, but recently it's different.  I am more thoughtful about it.  We are more intentional.  More fun.  More serious.  More together. 

My husband, my dog, my son-to-be.  I love them.  My family.

And seriously, could you blame me?

How could I not love my adorable, handsome husband, who, over the weekend, laughed with me, got me out of a funk, knew what I needed, cherished me.  Took me here, even though bookstores aren't as much his favorite as mine.

This amazing Husband, who was so excited to assemble the changing table when it came that, despite the fact he wasn't done painting yet and couldn't move it upstairs, assembled it right in the middle of our living room.

He even read the directions.

How could I not love this dog, who wants to be included in whatever we are doing, but has her own ways of entertaining herself.

What, Mom?  What are you looking at?

How could I not want to spend time with this man?  Husband and I at Panera the first morning of our weekend "getaway." We were totally distracted by the man who was taking coffee mugs out of the dirty dishes and getting coffee and stealing the pre-packaged pastries when he thought no one was looking.

Family.  I'm loving it, with all it's many changes, with all the ups and downs.  May God continue to work in my heart to transform me from the woman I have been to the woman, the wife, the mother (and yes, still the daughter, sister, friend, teacher) He me to be.

And may my family, and yours, find blessing and joy in times together.

Truth

Truth #1: I want to write a post that is light-hearted, fun, festive, and new, since this is my first post of 2012, but if I am to be truthful about life, and where I'm at, well then, fun, festive, and new will have to wait until tomorrow.

Truth #2: Even if my heart was ready to write my 30 Before 30 post today, I don't have my list complete yet.   Better get cracking as the clock is ticking!  Look for that coming soon.

Truth #3: Marriage is hard.  Now, I know that some of you actually know Husband in real life, and so I hesitate to write what's on my heart.  But I continue to remind myself that you love him, and you know that I love him also.  Whole-heartedly.  And that we are commited to each other for always.  So I'm going to be a truth-teller, because my heart is thinking a lot about this.  Marriage is hard.

Truth #4: I can't share with you right now what is going on with Husband, but it's pretty tough.  Maybe someday, when his journey is a little farther, he'll allow me to share so that our story can be one to hopefully help others.  For now, though, I can just tell you that it's rough.  He's hurting, I'm hurting, and it's rough.  And deep.   And there is definitely a spiritual component attached to it, for which I would covet your prayers.

Truth #5: As I sat last night trying to stop bawling like a baby, I opened first the Bible and second my journal, and was reminded.

I haven't been doing all this spiritual growth recently for no reason.  God's in charge, and He has the master plan.  He knew this was coming, and He prepared my heart.

First, God reminded me in Psalm 31 to

Be brave.  Be strong.  Don't give up.  Expect God to get here soon,

and in Psalm 32 that,

We're depending on God; he's everything we need.  What's more, our hearts brim with joy since we've taken for our own his holy name.  Love us, God, with all you've got - that's what we're depending on.

Then, as I went back through page after page after page of writing in my journal, He showed me that He has been working in me, preparing me, teaching me.

Most of all, that there is Hope.

That His promises are swift and sure in coming, and that He always makes good on them.

That, in all things, I can praise Him and give Him glory, because He Is Good, even when things are not.

That I can trust Him with Husband.  That Husband is not mine to fix.  That I must be a praying wife, a loving wife, an encouraging wife, a supporting wife.  That God has Husband in His hand, and that God alone can be what Husband needs.

Truth #6: Because my heart has been being prepared, worked on, because I've been learning these things, I do not feel desperate.  I do not feel downtrodden.  I do feel hurt, I won't lie.  I am scared.  It is hard.  But I feel hopeful.  I believe that God is working, and I believe that Husband is His.  Because God has been walking with me, teaching me, I have faith.

Truth #7: I believe Satan is ticked.  I've been praying in faith for some very specific things for Husband regularly for the last month or so, and those very things have been attacked.  I don't like to throw spiritual warfare around casually in conversation - too easily we can blame our sin on it, in my opinion, and begin to see demons everywhere - but in this case, I am confident.  Join me, friends, in praying for a hedge around Husband, that He will not believe the lies that are being whispered to his heart about the very core of who he is as a man. 

Truth #8: Months ago I posted this song, and thought I should listen to it this morning, because I praise God that He has been faithful to me in preparing my heart, and that He will continue to be faithful, right until the very end. 

I forgot that it talks about Glory.  And you know that Glory is something I've been thinking and learning quite a lot about recently.  Okay, God, connection again.

And, for potentially the first time in my life, I started to understand this idea of being the Bride of Christ, of marriage to Him, of truly loving Him and Him loving me.  In marriage with Christ, He doesn't hurt me or let me down or be humanly stupid.  He loves unconditionally, perfectly, passionately, jealously.  I've been praying that I would learn to love God, to understand that relationship at a deeper level, and because of my own marriage and what we're learning now, I'm starting to get it.

Faithful.  Absolutely to the end.

Thanks for walking with me as I tell some truth today.  It's where my heart is, and I desire to be a transparent, real person, to live with integrity.  Even if it's hard or reveals that I, like all of us, am far from perfect. 

Please, again know that I love my man, and I believe in him completely.  This is a journey, and one we need to take to be the people that God wants us to be.  

30 Thankful Days - Day 18

Here we are, over half way through the month, less than a week away from Thanksgiving.  (woohoo!)  Celebrate all that you have to be thankful about with my friend Dawn and others over at Dawn's Good Life. 

Thankful Thing #16:
Friday.

Okay, I know I posted that I was thankful for Fridays last Friday, but really, my thankfulness for Fridays is a renewable source each week.  And this Friday is different.  This Friday is special.

This Friday means we get a week off from school for Thanksgiving Break.  Hallelujiah, can I get an Amen?

We don't get many days off first semester.  We get Labor Day - but we were only in school for a few weeks at that point.  We get a day off in October - but we had to work the two previous evenings for parent-teacher conferences.  We get any snow days that might occur (one this year!).

And then finally the week of Thanksgiving comes around, and there is a whole week, just for us.  Afterwards, we have a mad rush to the end - two weeks of classes and one week of final exams - and then another break. 

But this break, this break is necessary.  We're all tired, we're a bit cranky, but more importantly, we're ready for a break.  We need that break.

And I'm excited - I LOVE Thanksgiving.  But I will tell you about that another day soon.

So thank you thank you thank you, Friday.

Thankful Things #17 & #18:
Opportunity and Husband's Perseverance.

Husband loves his Peppermint Mocha almost as much as I love the GBL... but not quite.



Today Husband takes the exam to receive his license as a Journeyman Electrician.  This has been a long road, and I'm praying that he passes today on the first shot.  He needs the boost, I think.  Husband has been in the field for 7 or 8 years, but is not licensed yet.  He started in Residential, took the Wireman's test a few times, but could never quite pass.  School was never easy for Husband - he just didn't learn how to learn or study, and we're pretty sure he has ADD and never learned the tools to work with that. 

A little over 4 years ago, the best thing ever happened to Husband - he got laid off from the residential job.  And then got hired at a commercial company, which immediately enrolled him into a four year trade school. 

Husband went to class once a week for four hours nearly every week for four years.  He's switched companies a couple of times due to lay-offs and economic struggles, but he stayed at that school, learned to study, learned to take tests, learned to be a student.  And in May, he graduated with Honors.  We were quite proud.

Today he takes the BIG test.  It's hard.  Full of code, calculations, and other stuff I don't understand.  He's been studying for weeks.  Taking practice exams online.  Working on the things he doesn't do as well.

Either way, this test marks an opportunity for us. 

A chance for Husband to see his hard work pay off (I hope!!), or a chance for him to learn that sometimes failure is a way to grow even more.  A chance for him to remember that he isn't doing this to get more money, to provide for his family, or to move up in the ranks (although those are all good things), but that for now, God has called him to be an electrician and serve Him in that way, and a license gives Husband more opportunity to do that, whenever he earns it.

I'm really proud of my husband.  If he fails today, I'm still going to be super proud, because the man I met more than 6 years ago would never have spent quiet, solitary hours in a room alone studying and practice tests for the last two weeks.  He's worked so hard.  He's persevered.  

And of course, if (when, he would say) he passes today, we're going to have a BIG celebration.  Nevermind budget concerns - this deserves a party! 

I'm thankful, truly thankful, for the opportunity this test brings to us, but mostly, I'm thankful for the man I married, for the ways he's grown and changed even in the last couple of years, and for his perseverance. 

He's amazing.

30 Thankful Days - Day 7

Perhaps you've been thinking about how Thanksgiving is right around the corner and begun to plan your menu (I know my mom and I have started!) - but let's take a minute to think about what we're giving thanks for first!  Join me at my friend Dawn's blog to share the things for which we're thankful.

Thankful Thing #7:

Laughter.

I just had a former student come into my room for a few minutes to chat.  Within moments we were laughing hysterically and, perhaps, so loudly that the class next door could hear us.  It reminded me that laughter is indeed something to be thankful for.

Did you know that your body can't tell the difference between real laughter and fake laughter?  So if you're ever in need of a little mood-boost, start laughing.  Your body will get the endorphins either way.  Plus, I've found that usually, you start laughing for real, anyway.

I love it when you start laughing at something, then laugh because of your laugh, then laugh because you're laughing about your laugh.  And when you're laughing so hard your face starts to hurt.  And the tears start coming out your eyes.  It's just good for the soul. 

My sister and my husband are usually the two people who can get me going the most....  and really, no one holds a candle to my sister.  She and I can laugh for hours.  More than once (and even recently) we've heard our mom holler up the stairs (or over the phone) "what's so funny???"  because we are just laughing, laughing, laughing.  We laugh at everything together.  And husband, well, he's pretty darn funny... so I can't help but laugh with him, either.

My sister told me a story the other day where she and her first grade class laughed for a good 15 minutes.  Why?  They had no idea.  Some kid started giggling, and then couldn't explain why, and the whole class, including my sister, joined in, and they just laughed.  They'd start to get under control, and then someone would laugh again and the whole class would be off and running.  Instructional value?  None.  But important for the class to do together?  Absolutely.  Laughter brings people together.

The last time I laughed that hard was a few weeks ago at the State Student Council conference, where we heard this speaker.  This video does not even begin to show you how funny this guy is in person, and how much we were all laughing.  I was literally crying, especially when he did the sections on notes parents send to school to excuse their children.  Unlike in this video, it was one after the other, and man, we were all just roaring! 



And, of course, we've all seen this type of video, but who can resist a laughing baby?



Laughter is, plain and simple, a gift to be enjoyed whenever and as often as possible.  I hope you find something to laugh about today, to truly laugh, a deep, belly-shaking, tear-producing, cheek-hurting laugh, and may it be with someone you are glad to spending time with.

30 Thankful Days - Day 6

My friend Dawn is hosting a monthly link party for everyone and anyone to share their thankful things each day (or some days, as the case may be).  Head on over and join in!

Honestly, I'm pretty impressed with myself for how frequently I've blogged in the last few weeks, so I'm not letting myself feel too guilty for not posting on Friday or Saturday.  Friday I was at school until nearly midnight because we hosted our annual Night of Neon mostly-techno, yes to glowsticks, all for the food drive dance, and yesterday I read a book, went to a football game, and prepared a children's church lesson, none of which involved the computer.  Of course, I was thankful on Friday AND on Saturday, and I'm thankful today, too.

Thankful Thing #4:

Sleeping In. And sleeping in general.

It seems that as I've gotten older and had more "important" things to do in my life, I cherish my sleep more.  I've always been the person who, once I'm up, I'm up and I'm cheery about it, but I'm finding that I like to sleep more and more.  That initial get out of bed phase takes a bit longer.  So the chance to sleep well, and deeply, is a blessing.  I woke up on Friday morning thinking how much I like to sleep, and our bed (while not perfectly made), is SO comfy.  Behind all those other pillows is large body pillow towards the back - it's my new best sleeping friend.    And on Saturday, as I was able to sleep until 8:30, I was reminded how thankful I am for mornings where I have no actual agenda and can sleep in for a while.  Sleep is a wonderful invention, God.

A side note.  I am not excited about people telling me, "enjoy sleep now while you can."  Yes, people, I get that when the peanut comes, I can kiss sleeping goodbye.  But you sort of ruin my delicious sleeping now by warning of my future. :)

Thankful Thing #4:

My little immediate family. 

This was our Saturday morning (after I finally got up and Husband had gone to the gym).

The dog entertained us for about 15 minutes with antics like these.  First she was sitting on the bed looking out, watching the neighbor come in.  You could see her confusion as the neighbor disappeared into the house on the left - she looked towards where he should be, but of course, that is inside our house.  Then she jumped down and climbed on the window, as you see her here, and stood that way for several minutes, observing.  She's so funny.

Yesterday was the Air Force/Army game and the Nebraska/Northwestern game.  I grew up watching Air Force and Husband, being from Lincoln, is of course a die-hard Huskers fan.  (We've both adopted the other team, also, although I think I am more of a Huskers fan now than he is a Falcon fan.)  Anyway, I was heading to the AFA/Army game with my dad and sister, and Husband was heading to his dad's to watch the Nebraska game.  We just thought we were both so cute in our little jerseys. 

It's the little things, like my dog being super curious, or my husband and I being silly, that make me happy.  I'm sure I'll do a post on Husband himself sometime during these 30 days. 

And... Thankful Thing #6:

Time Spent with my Sister Being Silly.

At the beginning of the game, while we were still warm-ish.



So... Cuba Gooding Jr. was there, but my camera was buried in my pocket, and then it has this weird delay, so..... I tried a bunch to get a picture of him, but I mostly failed.  There's a lady who got a picture of him, though.

See him there?  He's holding his coat over his arms?  Yeah, that's him.

That's him with his back to us as he made his way around again.  He did totally look at us, but I couldn't get the picture fast enough.  Becca and I were just dying.

And he walked up the aisle to our left to get to the press boxes, I assume.... but all I have here are pictures of people taking picutres of Cuba.  :)

Becca, as we waited for pretzels and hot chocolate.



Both of us in line.  Do you like my sunglasses on top of my ear-warmer thing?  I think I'm pretty stylish.

Just a bit cold... and something not happy had happened in the game.

Reversal!  Something exciting!

My turn to be cold.  And yes, that is a Husker's blanket.  It's cozy.

At the end of the game.  Not quite as cute and warm as when we started.

Hanging out with my sister almost ALWAYS brings me joy and usually, side-splitting laughter.  It's pretty fun having a best friend who's always gonna be around.  She's the best, and the best days are when we're just silly, like we were most of the game yesterday.

A Lovely Morning.

I'm having a lovely decided-to-skip-church-this-morning-and-just-be morning.  A rare occurence. 

Here's what it's looked like:

A delicious cup of coffee...

Ginny all snuggled up on the couch beside me.

My husband sitting in the room with me, half-watching the movie, half doing something on the iPad.



A mini-Harry Potter marathon while I get some grading and online work done.



And me...  wow.  I'm going to get up now and get in the shower, after posting this terrifyingly honest picture of what I currently look like.

Next?  Family lunch at Zio's.  Yumm.  Then more HP, school work, and, most likely, PJs again.