Friday, October 30, 2009

Something to Offer

Do you ever find yourself wondering if you have something to offer? Anything to offer? I do. A lot. And as I delve more into this crazy world of blogging and am completely and totally inspired by the words of wisdom I read from other bloggers, like the wise women at (in)courage, my good friend Dawn, and the Coffee Company Girls, that thought begins to creep in a little more and more. Do I really have anything to offer? I'm only 27, I have no children, why would anyone care to go on my journey with me? Especially since my journey is rather dull? And so on the thoughts go.

I think I'm in a season of purposelessness. Not that I think I don't have a purpose. I do. I'm a teacher. I LOVE teaching. I'm the gringa that surprises people by the fact that I'm a fluent Spanish teacher. I'm the Student Council advisor passionate about leadership. Clearly, God has laid my path on this road and inspires me to be a better teacher and to really care for kids.

Some of my StuCo kids on a Scavenger Hunt. They make my day, really.

Still, it's as if I can't get a grasp on the bigger picture. I know what it is- I know that I am in desperate need of Jesus-time and to get His Big Picture and to live in a daily relationship with Him, but I'm having a hard time with that. That's why I love reading others' blogs, because I get to read about their journey with Him (and just through life)- and it's not that they're writing about how perfectly they are living- in fact, they're often sharing some way they're humbly learning. It's that what they're writing about is real and shows growth and I'm inspired and encouraged by them. But still stuck.

I guess what I'm seeing is that maybe I'm not purposeless, but feeling desperate for growth and change, which then of course, I think is silly, because what am I desperate for? There aren't any really hard times in my life, I'm not going through anything that challenging. And I guess the point is that, in reality, whether we're experiencing something hard or not, we as human beings are still desperate for Relationship. So I'm not really sure if I have much to offer anyone else, but I have to get back to offer my whole self to the One who will make sense of everything. I suppose that means I need to find the motivation/gumption/persistence/discipline to really delve into my relationship with God, knowing that He'll meet me.... but that feels easier said than done.

Perhaps what I need to do is borrow an expression from Nike and "Just Do It."

What I love about new days, by the way, is that you can alway start over. Let go of yesterday's mistakes and failures, and start over. So, today, on this Friday, let's call it a new season and start over. Gotta keep trying!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

A Literal Day Off

So I've spent some time considering ways to make each day have moments that seem like a day off. And today? Well, today the Lord actually gave me a day off. And even better? He gave Husband the day off, too. In our whole first year of marriage, that's never happened!

Our state is known for being one where it snows at odd times of the year, and although many people are surprised that we're having a snow day in October, to me, it's quite normal. A year without a snow day in October just isn't right! This picture isn't actually from today or from my house, but it is from my parents house (who live a few miles away) during a different October snow day a few years ago.

Anyway, like I said, Husband and I have never had a snow day off together, but today we do! This morning he was slipping and sliding his way up the interstate to work while I was catching a few extra minutes of sleep since I had a two-hour delay. Soon after I got the phone call saying school was canceled, I heard him walk in the front door- the interstate was so bad where he was headed that his boss called and told him to go home. So of course, we giggled excitedly about how it is our first married snow day, just like a couple of newlyweds, even though technically, we're past the newlywed cut-off date.

And today's day off has been just lovely. We ate a yummy homemade breakfast together while drinking yummy Spanish coffee (have I mentioned that I love love love coffee yet?). I made my first ever batch of homemade applesauce- my grandma, who was one of the most incredible women I have ever known- would have been quite proud. I finished the last paper for a course I'm taking, which means I am now down to my last eight weeks of graduate school. Husband and I have been doing laundry- him putting away last week's clean clothes that never made it to their proper places and me washing more clothes that hopefully we'll put away before very long. I've been reading inspiring thoughts by other lovely bloggers and Husband and I have been watching the extended version of the first Lord of the Rings. And it's not even dinner time yet! Lovely!

Okay, before I go, a quick thought I learned from another blogger. She's writing about trusting and loving people, with God's love, agape love, and she concludes,

"Do I give people the benefit of the doubt? And when I can’t…do I truly hope the best for them, through Christ? Or do I dwell on the assumed, or even obvious shortcomings or someone…holding my own agenda close so that I, in my own power, can protect it?

Love believes all things.

Maybe it’s time that I started to believe in that kind of love."

You can read all about it over at (In)Courage, where a bunch of bloggers get together and do just that, enourage one another.

Personally, I know that I need to let Christ's eyes and heart transform the way I see and love others, because there are days that I know I just look at them with my own very-biased, very-judgemental ones. I'm thankful for the reminder that Christ's love is quite different than my own, but that, as I learn to love Him more, I can learn to love others like He does. And doesn't that rock!?!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Like a Day Off

Dove Dark Chocolate Promises. Almost enough said. Dove Dark Chocolate with Almonds Promises? Oh, a little piece of heaven melting in my mouth.

Sometimes the "promise" inside the wrapper makes me giggle, sometimes it makes me a little mad, and sometimes, well, sometimes I find a little inspiration.

Recently I came across one that read, "Find little ways to make each day like a day off." And, in this season of life, where I find myself wishing desperately for a day off, but know I can't afford to take one, I found that "promise" to be worth more than the writer probably intended. I NEED to figure out how to make each day have at least a moment that reminds me of a day off.

And then, because I am an external processer married to an incredible man (but an internal processer), I decided I would join my other external processing friends and blog about my journey towards living my life fully, with moments that remind me of a day off.

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