Thus far, I've been faithful to my committment to read a Psalm a morning (I'm only on Psalm 4, so it's only been four mornings, but hey, that's a start, right?) Each morning I've had jotted down a quick thought from the Psalm I've read and have tried to hang on to that thought throughout the day (no easy feat considering how much I think about and have going on in a 10 hour period). Both Psalms 3 (yesterday's) and 4 (today's) have had a verse or two that have really spoken to my heart, particulary in light of what's been on my heart this week. Let me share that with you, and then you'll see how God's been speaking to me.
(First thing to acknowledge is that I need a scanner, because I really wanted to scan some old photos and upload them for you to see. Sadly, no scanner, no photos.)
13 years ago I started at a new high school as a freshman, knowing only one other girl. Quickly, she introduced me to her friends, one of them being a really nice girl named Janelle. Janelle and I clicked- we even became locker partners sophomore year. We survived some serious high school drama and stayed friends even after I switched to a different high school for junior and senior year. When we went off to college, we roomed together freshman and sophomore year, again surviving some big drama. We dealt with a lot of stuff together, supported each other. We've been living in the same town for the last 13 years of our lives, and although for these last 6 we haven't hung out every week, we're the type of friends who get together every couple of months and it's as if no time has passed.
About 2 1/2 years ago, we called each other within months to relate our engagements- and then we chose wedding dates a month apart, too. Coffee dates in those months were filled with plans, dreams, laughter. We talked about her new favorite movie, P.S. I Love You- she was so deeply touched because she was on the verge of being married and she couldn't imagine what it would be like to lose your spouse after such a short time. She and her fiancé, Dave, came to our wedding to celebrate with us, but also to "take notes." Dave commented to me during the reception that they had thought of several things they wanted to do/not do at their wedding. I could only find this picture of the two of them from the wedding (they're the couple talking to each other in the bottom right corner of the picture), but I'm sure they're talking and joking and planning and dreaming their future together.
A month later, Husband and I enjoyed celebrating their marriage at their wedding, a beautiful and simple ceremony. In the months that followed, Janelle and I continued to get together for coffee dates periodically, talking about our adventures in marriage, our husbands, our in-laws. Our last coffee date was a while ago, but I'd been planning to call her soon.
On Monday, I was sitting in my classroom grading when I got a call from another college friend. I knew right away something was wrong, because we hardly ever talk. She wanted me to hear from a friend that Dave had passed away. Unexpectedly. He'd been "missing" and Janelle and filed a missing persons report and the police found him. Thank the Lord that Janelle was not the one to find him. She had no idea anything was wrong, no one appears to have known.
My heart is broken for her. I cannot even imagine life without Husband now. A year and a half of marriage is such a short time. The shock of it, the reasoning, the living with it. Unimagineable. I didn't know Dave well, but I know Janelle. And she LOVED him. And he was GOOD for her. And now? Now it's broken. She's broken. We're all a little broken.
But God has been speaking to me through His Psalms. Yesterday (in Psalm 3) He told me, "Look, there are more enemies than I can count, and they're saying I can get no help from you. But you shield me on all sides. I stretch myself out and I sleep. I'm rested, fearless before the enemy mobs. God help me! Real help comes from God, blessings." And today, from Psalm 4:7(ish), "I have God's more-than-enough, more joy in an ordinary day."
Though enemies are numerous, God is faithful, and rest will be provided. Though my heart is broken for my friend's loss, for the heartache and pain that will continue to come, though Satan tries to trick me into feeling guilty for not being a good enough friend, though I do not know that Dave knew Christ and I do not know where Janelle stands, God is faithful, He will defeat the enemy, and there will be rest.
Though today holds sorrow and pain and darkness, yet there is joy to be found. Joy is not dependent on circumstances. God is more than enough.
God is more than enough.