I cannot have my heart healed if I am not even in conversation with the One.
I cannot have my relationship with Husband grow if I am not in Relationship with the One.
I cannot feel like I'm living with purpose if my purpose is not rooted in my Relationship.
I can sit in church on the very few Sundays I convince myself I have to go and cry in the back because I am alone and pray that God will heal me or release me, but nothing will happen if I am not even in conversation with Him.
I can think about how my relationship with my Husband could be improved and how he can and should grow, but nothing will matter if I do not have first and foremost my Relationship with the One as a priority.
I can feel sorry for myself about how I feel like I have no people and define my worth based on the number of people who call me to do something, initiate conversations with me, post on my Facebook wall, or comment on my blog. In that case, I'm going to feel rather worthless.
I can invest my time and energy and care and love into my students. A good thing, except that I tend to make a good thing the ultimate thing, and when I have time to sit and breathe, I realize that while that is rewarding and fulfilling, it is not Enough.
It is time to make a decision.
I'm here.
Or here, just for a laugh. (because I can't be serious all of the time)
Where will I go?
I know what I need to choose.
I want to choose it, too.
But I am weak, and easily sidetracked.
Still, the time has come.
Amen. Amen. Amen!! Thanks Beth. Seriously, it all comes down to this.
ReplyDeleteKnowing it and admitting it is crucial. Is doing it even possible without this? Still, you have reminded me of something I read in The Screwtape Letters today, what C.S. Lewis calls "the transition from dreaming aspiration to laborious doing". This is the threshold at which you lovingly choose God with every bit of your free will, or not. You and I both know your choice. Just remember that the outcome will be the result of many, many individual conversational moments (many of which I know you already participate in), not just one great big one. Love you to pieces:)
ReplyDeleteThoughts of dedication!!!
ReplyDeleteYou're not alone Beth. Thank you for having the strength and courage to share :) Praying for you!
ReplyDeleteYes. YES. Love this post.
ReplyDeleteKeep pursuing Christ with everything! It is the only thing that does not disappoint. I can totally relate to letting other things define me, and then feeling worthless. I know that I am not defined by relationships, or other good things in life, but it is so hard when everything around us tells us that we are. But we must keep choosing to believe Truth.
ReplyDeleteDeuteronomy 30:19-20
"This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life..."