Thankful Thing #8:
That's right. Today, I'm thankful for tomorrow.
I could go into the deeper meaning of that statement, if I wanted, and talk about how wonderful it is that there's always tomorrow, a new day, a fresh start, a chance to do things the way you wanted to do them today. And I am sincerely thankful for that kind of tomorrow.... I've journaled many times about how amazing new mornings are, how refreshing for the soul.
But today, I'm literally thankful for tomorrow, November 9th.
Because I have a doctor's appointment, and I've been dying to go for the last two weeks.
And this isn't just a regular doctor's appointment. This is a check-to-make-sure-baby-is-doing-okay-and-is-healthy appointment and a find-out-if-Baby C-is-a-girl-or-a-boy appointment.
Last night the doctor's office called to say that my doctor had something come up for our scheduled time tomorrow afternoon and that they had rescheduled me for an 8:30 am appointment. Well, as a teacher, that doesn't really work for me. It's not exactly a job where you can say, "I have an appointment - I'll work an extra hour later today to make up for it." So when I called back, the receptionist told me that the next available appointment wasn't until late next week.
"I'll be there at 8:30," I said. I may be much more calm now and less convinced that something is definitely wrong, but I'm not about to wait another week to hear that little baby's heartbeat. I need to know everything is okay, and I need to know soon. Call me crazy, I don't care. So I've found someone to cover my class at that time, and off to the doctor I'll go tomorrow morning at 8:30.
I wrote in my journal this thought this morning:
"I've been joking that tomorrow is 'BGD Day' - Boy, Girl, or Dead Day. I realize that's awful, but it's like if, in my head, I think that by acknowledging it, if it were to be true, it would hurt less. Which I know is false. But still, it's easier to say that. I know I'm not always gracious when people talk to me about baby-things - partly because I don't like being the center of attention in that way, and partly because I feel worried that things won't work out, and I don't want to be too involved or have others too involved. I know I need to work on that, because the last thing I want people to think is that I'm not excited, because I am. I'm just also a bit of a not job. I need to not allow my fear and worry to steal my joy."
So, today, while I'm a little nervous for tomorrow, I'm also very, very thankful that it's here (nearly) and that we'll get to see the little peanut again, and hear his/her heartbeat, and know who he/she is.
Now I just need to remember to live today fully, too, instead of just waiting on tomorrow.