I am having one of those mornings.
Slept in a little too late but still wanted to have a quiet time, needed to shower anyway, couldn't find my shoes anywhere, didn't want to wake Husband up since he's been working nights, tried to take a cute 23-weeks picture but couldn't get the camera to work well enough and wasted a ton of time doing that, was nearly late to my first class, had to rush around to get ready, class wasn't prepared for what they were supposed to be and were being obnoxious and off-task, have lots of meetings today and no free time, and my check engine light is still on and I realized I can't take the car in today even though I need to get the discount from the people goofing up yesterday when I took it in, called Husband to see if he could do it since he's not working today but it turns out he is, so no car in and little chance of him picking up the house mess.
Frazzled. That's the word I started my quiet time off with as I began to pray, and it's how I've been feeling off an on all morning.
My plan, as foretold by the attempt to take a cute picture of myself, was to do a 23-Week update. It's been a while, I think I look cute today, and I wanted to blog about baby stuff. I had even already titled this post "23 Weeks" when I started typing a few minutes ago.
But I'm feeling this post going in a different direction - my heart is leading me to write other things, instead.
As I prayed that God would quiet my frazzled heart this morning, I asked that He would help me focus on the Big Picture, instead of the little bitty pieces I was worrying about.
Four words came to my mind as I prayed about the Big Picture.
I opened to a Psalm instead of picking up where I left off in Matthew, and read a passage about all the angels and the earth singing
as God's thunder echoed through the world. As God's awesomeness and power were reflected.
God will give strength to his people. God will give peace to his people.
the passage concluded.
And I was struck that the word Glory, a word which I rarely think about and hardly ever use, showed up twice in a mere five minutes.
Glory (n): worshipful praise, honor and thanksgiving
Glory (v): to rejoice proudly
Glorify (v): to make glorious by bestowing honor, praise, or admiration
Glorious (adj): possessing or deserving glory
Instead of Jingle Bells (which is my go-to, autonomatic, whistle in my head song), I've been humming the Glorias of this song.
I'm not one hundred percent sure I know what Glory means, truthfully, despite the definitions above. In my quiet times these last few weeks I have begun to realize that, at least right now, I don't quite get what it means to love God above all else, to be in relationship with Him, to desire nothing more than Him and His kingdom.
Those are hard things to do with someone I can't physically talk to and see and hear. And I'm learning that, while I believe, and I have faith, and this is real to me, I need to know Him more. And as I get to know Him more, I know I'll start to get those things.
Please hear me well. I'm not saying I don't believe, or that my relationship with Him isn't personal and real. I do believe. It is personal, and very real. There have been times I've felt the nearly tangible presence of God. Times where I know I couldn't have made it through without Him.
But in these season of trying to put aside my own self-sufficiency, I am learning that there are a lot of things I need to learn.
I've been pondering. Being Still. Listening. Obedience. Love. Servanthood. And now, Glory.
I'm not completely positive where this is leading, or what God has in store, but I do know this:
Each day I have a quiet time, I think some more about these things. I pray some more. I read some more.
And I get to know Him some more.