Monday, February 1, 2010

Full to Bursting

I am an emotional person. **gasp** I know, it's difficult to believe.

Do you see through my sarcasm? I'm guessing you do, because you probably knew all along that I am, indeed, an emotional person, and there isn't really any surprise there.

When the pastor had my then 93 (now 94) year old granpa surprise me by reading a Bible passage (this was not in the plan!), I couldn't help the tears that just instantly came pouring out.

I feel emotions strongly and always have, although some more than others.

As a little girl, I did mad quite well. I recall being taken out of many a restaurant because I was pitching a temper tantrum - there's one Italian restaurant near some railroad tracks I remember vividly- I don't more than once. I knew the pattern of our kitchen linoleum quite well from the kicking and screaming I did there. Now, at the mature (laugh) age of 27, I cannot remember what would set me off, but I know that mad was something I felt quite strongly.

Now, just in case you were wondering, let me clear something up- I did not have a mad and angry childhood- in fact, I was happy most of the time- it's just that, if I'm going to be honest and talk about how I feel emotions strongly, I have to include the period in my life where anger was quick and powerful.

Fortunately, God worked on my little girl heart, and, with the exception of how my little sister (whom I love pretty much the most in the world) can push my buttons in an instant, it takes quite a lot to make me very angry. When I do get mad, I still feel it strongly, but it's not very often that it happens.

As an adult, it's usually other emotions that tidal wave me. Sometimes loneliness- I'm working on trying to figure out how much of that is me and how much of that is truth. Sometimes sadness- well, when I start to really cry.... let me put it this way. I think I've really only let Husband see the real crying a couple of times. It's pretty messy. Sometimes excitement- it's all I can do to not dance around the room and be crazy. Sometimes silliness- boy, do I burn some serious laughter calories when the silly mood hits. There are others, but if I listed all the emotions I know, this would be a very long post.

There are lots of emotions I feel, and I feel them strongly and deeply.

But one thing I have been realizing I don't feel very often is the emotion of contentment. Some would argue that contentment isn't really an emotion, but a choice. I buy into that, in part. I think I have to choose contentment on a daily basis, and I haven't been. A few years ago (more like 5) I read Linda Dillow's Calm My Anxious Heart and learned more about contentment than I'd ever considered before. I'm thinking maybe I need to re-read it, because every day, the Holy Spirit is showing me how, if I'm going to be honest, I've almost been embracing the emotion, the spirit, of discontent. And I don't want to do that. I don't want to be that person.

Tonight I was sitting on the couch working and watching TV when I realized there was nothing else on that I wanted to watch, and I was at a good stopping point in my work. Suddently inspired, I got up off my rear end, changed into some workout clothes, laced up my gray and pink tennis shoes, and hit the treadmill.

I'm terribly out of shape (the Miss Piggy flu set me back in the fall), but running/walking is one of the most mind-clearing and heart-opening things I can do for myself. Every time I find the willpower to do it, I can't remember why it's been so long since the last time. Whether the road be the path that curves around our area or the beach (where I covet running, but don't get to often since I live in a landlocked state) or the treadmill up in the guest room, God never fails to meet me.
Tonight I put on my favorite running music, Hillsong United, and walked and ran. I didn't go for long, only 20 minutes. Once I finished, I stretched, and, with iPod in, I sang. Sometimes I sang the words of the song, sometimes I sang the words on my heart. It wasn't for very long, but in that time, I once again found myself bursting with emotion.

With contentment.

With joy.

With a sense of peace.

Today I'm unwrapping the gift of a good heart-opening, soul-clearing, body-cleansing run, and the awesome way God never fails to show up when you look for Him.

I can't wait to see what you've found.


  1. Isn't it great how He gives us a way to clear our minds and get right back to Him?

  2. I need to learn that running thing from you...that was a good choice!

    And a shout out to Linda Dillow's Calm My Anxious Heart--one of my top ten life books for sure.

    Keep pressing on, friend.

  3. Joy, Peace, and Contentment. I could use a whole lot more of all. I need to start a habit of doing that, putting in the ipod and walking. everyday. Thanks for the glimpse of your meeting up with the Lord.

  4. This is beautiful. I love how God meets us. And I hear you about the little sister thing. Well, not myself, but I see it with my children. What is it about the little sister?


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