Sunday, January 3, 2010

Back to (a meaningful) Reality

Tonight is the last night of my vacation. Tomorrow it's back to reality. Back to work in the morning, with a work day to prepare for students who'll come on Thursday. Tuesday and Wednesday will be inservice days, full of meetings. Husband is working, too (not that he had a big vacation, but he did get a few days at Christmas and then a few at New Years). I can't run... it's coming.

But. I feel a little bit like this picture that Husband took of a local sunset.

Even though it's a sunset, not a sunrise, this picture makes me think of the possibilities. It makes me think of what's new. It makes me think of what's coming.

A new year always makes us think about what we hope life will be like. I tend to operate on a school year more than a calendar year, but this New Year feels a little different. There's a new reality on the horizon.

See, grad school is over, and I'm already beginning to feel the effects of my "free time"- I didn't think it took that much of my life over, but it did- the pressure of always needing to check in and contribute to discussion forums and getting assignments figured out and readings done and papers written in addition to my regular teaching day job and grading to do- well, I feel pretty free right now.

So with the New Year comes a feeling of possibility, of time.

I don't want to fill it with (excuse me) crap. I want to fill it with meaningful things.

Meaningful might mean watching a favorite tv show with Husband.
It might mean actually scrapbooking my honeymoon (from a year and a half ago).
It might mean reading a good book (and I already went to the library and got a few!).
It might mean going for a run (and by run I mean jog).

Perhaps meaningful means reading the Bible. (duh!)
Or engaging in my new favorite prayer time, praying in color (more from me on this when I get my camera working!).
It might mean joining a women's Bible study (although the one I really am interested in is during the morning- which doesn't fit a full-time job).

Regardless, I want this year to be meaningful.

I don't expect it to be perfect.

Just meaningful.

Hang in here for a minute- I'm processing, and I think this next thought relates to a meaningful reality... I think.

Today in church our pastor (we have a pastor!!! We've been without one for a year) was talking about how we have a tendency to turn good things in our lives into the ultimate thing, thus idolizing them.

As he was talking, I knew instantly what my potential "ultimate thing" is: my need for control and order. Being on top of things isn't a bad thing, it's a good thing. But I think I border on (if not fully embrace) a semi-insane need for control and order. Even just thinking about it for a short while today, I was able to see how that control keeps me from letting God be my ultimate thing, and ultimately, even results in my losing control over many areas of life.

I think the connection here is that if I want to fill my new reality meaningfully, then I need to make sure I am relinquishing control and putting God at the top, making Him the ultimate desire of my heart.

Still working on this, but would love to hear your thoughts.


  1. wasn't the sermon great? I've been thinking about it too. And one of my "good things" is the need for order and routine (even tho I love being spontaneous--it's the order that frees me to do that--if that makes sense) Anyway--great revelation Beth...and great post too.

  2. I feel it every day. The need to let go of control. And I say out loud, "Release it. Let it go." Thanks for this...

  3. I'm a control freak. The Lord knows this and sends situations my way that will make me rely on Him. He's good that way.

    Thanks for the sweet comments on my post.

  4. I love this, and I am so very happy to have met you in blogger world :)!


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